[Lexi232]

What can parents do when they say that your that? (i'm 20yr)
and how does it come about that they become ur guardian even after 18yrs of age? What dissavantages, and what advantages does it have? And then how does it happen?

[(JD)]

Hi Lexi. Is it just your parents saying that, or has a judge ruled that? I'm not a lawyer (and there are some here at PC, members who can advise you better) but a judge needs to determine this. It means you are unable to make good decisions for yourself, and need someone else to do that for you. If you truly aren't able to take care of yourself, pay your bills, feed and clothe etc, then it is a good thing to have someone, esp parents who know you, to help with those matters.

If those things had been a burden to you, and frustrated you in trying to get them done and always feeling like you couldn't do them, then you won't have that any more.

But having someone rule over you might not feel good. You won't have your own money to go out and spend whenever you want. Things will need to be planned if you want to do them, such as going to the movies (you'll need consideration for getting there and back, what you'll wear, money to buy snacks..and maybe someone to go with you.) You may not be allowed to live on your own, but you probably wouldn't be allowed to own your own home if you are able.

I dont' know the situation you are in. If you are "just" depressed so that you are currently unable to take care of yourself, I would hope another method would be found to get you to the point of being able to. If this is a permanent issue you have, perhaps from a head injury or severe cognitive injury, you might not have a choice.

If you feel comfortable with this, share more of the whys on the situation. I see you are in school... that must mean something in favor of your cognitive abilities

[Lexi232]

Thanks.
And, I'm 20yr, but I act, and think waaaaay more immature than those around me at school.. sometimes I annoy them by how immature I act. By the last psych eval I had (when i was 18yr) they said that I was emotionally and mentally an 8year old... T_T though i still like to say i'm 12 in that area... just because the one i had before I was 18yr said so... And I just don't see how you can degrade in your mental age.
I'm a senior this year... My classes last semester were:
Botany;
Algebra 2;
AP English;
Tv2;
Spanish 2;
Economics;
Study Hall;
And one more, which I can't remember ^^;;
But the only classes I passed was AP English, TV2 (u could beg to fail in this class, and you still wouldnt), and Economics.
And it's both my parents and I who are thinking on this and saying this about me.... But how would we even begin? like who to contact?
And yes depression is one of the main reason... though people say it lifts up and goes away and wont come back for long periods of time.. mine without medicene seems to be here every day with me...

hmm...
.. why:
I sux at managing my time...
I'm horrible at the "think first" rule... and usually I get in trouble there.
^^;; heh, managing my money is another thing too... I seem to spend, and when I do spend I forget about other things...

Everyone views me as the "baby" in the room, or class room... not because I cry, but because I just am the most immature, and most "youthness"
ummmmm..... *mind went blank* T_T

[(JD)]

Lexi, of course I don't know you well at all...but what you just did: assess yourself, sounds pretty good to me. Depression can cause us to not feel able to perform many tasks... studying, bill paying, and such things that require concentration.

Are you in therapy for your depression? Even if you are not your physical age, mentally, there are plenty of things to learn and do to help you compensate for any lack you might have. If you are doing well in any of those higher courses, then I think you are selling yourself short to hand over your affairs to your parents. Not legally anyway. But that's just my POV right now...

Why not figure out where you really do need help? A good therapist can help you, or maybe from those tests you took, you can find what areas you just don't do well in... planning or stuff like that???

THEN, see if you can get your parents to just help you in those areas, not take over your whole life. I have to hire ppl to help me where I can no longer function...mostly areas of physical activity, due to my disability. Your disability is different from mine, but you can still find other ways to live, without giving it all over to someone else.

I have to use lists!! TONS AND TONS OF LISTS.. well, not really... but I have to make a list or two and then keep one of them in the same place all the time... when I'm highly stressed, I can't seem to find anything I need... and if things are where I'm used to them being when I 'm not stressed, then I can find them. I carry the other list with me, to remind me while I'm out and about, what I need to do. (Though sometimes when very stressed, it doesn't get done either.)

I try to keep my wardrobe simple, so things go together well when I'm in too much pain to stand in the closet and try to decide what to wear.

These are just a few of the ways I compensate for my disabilities... maybe you can think of some things that could help you too?

((((hugs)))

[Lexi232]

((((Hugs))))
thanks
And yes I do see a therapist... Sooo... I supose I can talk to him.
That list thing sounds like a very good thing
lol, my only problem is I cant seem to stay concentrated on making one... ^^;; I'm using my "homework agenda" for my refrence... I begin writting in it, but after a word or two i get too overwhelmed and just wanna toss the notebook acrossed the room, and on the floor... anywhere away from my desk.

If you don't mind me asking (u dont have to answer if you dont want to) What is your disability?

[(JD)]

Don't mind at all. I was injured in an industrial accident. A tarp-like shelter's roof filled with about a half ton of water and collapsed on me. I was knocked unconscious, my jaw was knocked off it's hinges, my neck and back were injured and much of my body was "sprained." I have issues with my vision, and my hearing. I lost my sense of taste and smell also.... and of course, have cognitive issues because of the head injury/minimal brain damage. I have a vertebrae chewing into my spinal cord (lesion.) I have PTSD because the authorities on sight didn't bother to help me, nor to get me medical attention... it took me 3 days to do this for myself. I live with chronic myofascial pain, and both CNS and peripheral neuropathies. Major depression due to the pain, and loss of career and family, friends etc as does happen in such cases

I understand the inability to make lists. But you can learn how you do that best... with help from your T, who can be your constant in the effort.

[Lexi232]

o.o
ow
(((((Sky)))))

[Perna]

In Indiana, whole bunches of laws happen, your parents could not just "say" that and have anything happen, they have to have a lot of backup support, etc.

http://www.ai.org/legislative/ic/cod.../ar26/ch7.html

Your parents can take care of you as long as they want :-) You don't need a law to allow that. If they want special programs for you they should talk to their lawyer or therapist, etc. They'll know. It might get more help for you but it would limit your freedom (lots of rules and regulations) and might or might not be under your parents "control" and they'd have to have interviews with social workers constantly, etc. and people making sure they were good caretakers, etc. It would be the "State" in charge and that's not always good if it can be avoided.

[Lexi232]

hmm. true ^.^
Thanks

[Greenleaves]

Hey Lexi,

I know what you mean about being immature. I'm 25 and I'm still living with my parents. I've also never really developed close relationships with people.

I did well in high school with the stucture, but now that I'm in university with no one giving me detention if I don't do my homework, I'm failing.

I think I still need people to check my homework. I can't seem to do things like that on my own.

I've never lived on my own. My Mom cooks and does the laundry. My room is messy and sometimes my Mom comes in and cleans it for me.

I think mentally I'm probably about 12 too.

Lexi - if you have the ability to use a PC, post here, and carry on perfectly lovely conversations - no judge in the country (US I assume) could EVER find you mentally incompetent.

Now, you could be found not able to manage your own money - a psychiatrist could decide for instance, that if you ever get Disability payments due to psychiatric disability - he/she could assign a payee for you. So you wouldn't be responsible for you own money.

But that's different than being incompetent. That's more for severely developmentally disabled folks, eldery people with dementia, etc.

em

to be "judged" legally incompetent, your parents would have to get a lawyer, set up a hearing with a judge and proceed with proving it to the judge. at least that's how it works in the last state i lived in and it works that way here.

i agree with ems, if you can do what you do here........you aren't incompetent. your therapist needs to help you with this. and i really do believe that you can write out a list of the things that are going on and give it to the T. the T is YOUR advocate. not your parents. YOURS............good luck, xoxoxo pat

[psisci]

It takes a lot to get someone conserved or ruled incompetent to make their own decisions in the country. If you can post on this forum you are probably safe.