does have have narcissistic personality disorder?

i met this guy on a dating site. he's 21 M and i'm 21 F. we are both from NYC but we are both seniors in college (our colleges are 3 hours apart). we eventually started talking on the phone. we really hit it off our first phone convo, so we started talking more and more on the phone. we couldn't see each other in person since we are 3 hours away. we started skyping, hit it off there. i really liked him. he's cocky and arrogant, but he had things to show for it at least, so i overlooked it. super intelligent (ivy league), good at piano, sports, great looks. main thing is that he made me happy. he is also jewish, and so am i, which is important to me.

however, 1 week into talking (we would talk A LOT), he asked me to be his gf. i said yes, because i felt that if i say no, i would risk losing him. and why would i want to lose someone who calls me every night and makes me happy? he also said he would like to visit me at my school, but i said no, not until we go on a 1st official date in person, which would be in 2 weeks after we first started talking, since we would both be home from our school breaks. he said fine and that he understands. he also said he doesn't want me hooking up with other guys and vice versa. he also invested so much time into me. He also said he wanted to meet my family and friends this coming thanksgiving weekend etc.

so we met up in NYC when we were both home from school and we had a nice time. we were still talking after that, considering ourselves bf/gf. however, i noticed him getting mad and defensive when i ask him a simple question about his motives. he would hang up the phone without saying bye and ignore me. when he would come back from ignoring me after a couple days he said he enjoyed making me anxious etc. he would also say things like.. "i'm getting bored maybe ill hookup with a girl since you're not here". i would get jealous and then he would call me dumb and overly sensitive for believing him. he said he likes making me jealous because it makes me more attached to him.

i also noticed he reactivated his dating profile, when he originally deactivated it for me. when i asked him about it in a non-accusatory way, he got upset and turned it on me for being too sensitive. He also made a bs excuse. (i only logged back into the dating site to see if he reactivated it and then i would log back out). i was just trying to reason with him. again, he would ignore me for a couple days. when he would come back he wouldn't be the same sweet, sensitive guy he was. i was telling him i wanted to talk to him about family problems and he lacked empathy.

i couldn't take this emotional rollercoaster anymore so i decided to end it. this is our conversation via text...

me: hey can you call me some time today?
him: cant. has to be thru text today
me: why
him: because i can't talk on the phone today
me: how about tonight
him: mmm maybe. but i'm not making any promises. i'm hanging out with ppl.
me: i'm done
him: with your day?
me: nope. with you.
him: okay! nice talking to you for the last month or so. Good luck!
me: seriously? how could you do this to me? how could you drop me so easily?
him: i didn't do anything to you
me: i'm crying right now and i need you. if you have a heart you wont do this to me
him: you just broke up with me. sorry. take care.
me: i didn't. i'm just angry right now and i'm having family issues and i wish you were here for me.

him: i do this to all girls after my 1st ex. it's a test. "how do you react when you don't get what you want? how do you react when exposed to a source of jealousy?" if the answer is go psycho, nose around his life, and throw accusations, then the subject has failed. you failed. it's a brilliant filter for the "bad ones". farewell.

hi
I don't know if he qualifies as a narcissist but he is definitely controlling and manipulative, a game player. he is not honest and sincere. there doesn't seem to be anything genuine about him. he has been playing games with you from the start, pulling your strings. he is cold hearted and doesn't care at all about you. do not waste your time with him. I am sorry you had to go thru this. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

Read through your post and try to imagine that it's a friend of yours telling this story. What would your advice be?

It seems he is a cruel person who has dumped you (after you told him it was over?) I understand it must be tough to invest the time and energy into the relationship, only to have it end poorly.... but, what do you suppose it would have been like had it continued? Are you really going to miss the abuse?

He does sound narcissistic. Is he diagnosable? No one here can tell you.. We're not MH experts. But, understand that some people don't deserve a second chance.... some people need to be gotten rid of. He did play some nasty, manipulative mind games.. is that really the type of person you want to be in a relationship with?

Drop him and forget about him. He is not a good person. Sounds as if he just strung you along for a while, for as long as it suited HIM (that's a bit narcissistic). I don't think there is enough to diagnose him with NPD, but he has displayed selfishness, lack of empathy and a very definite twisted way of viewing relationships. Consider yourself lucky that this relationship didn't progress further. Hurtful as it is right now, this guy was definitely NOT the right person for you (or anyone for that matter).

Take care xxx