[spaceflyer]

Needing advice on family member with unknown mental illness? Please serious responses only. Really take the time to read!! I have included bullet points below for a quick view version since the post is quite long.

· Made over 20 Dogs and cats go missing

· Ocular Migraines

· Change personalities super fast (Sad to Happy when around people other than my father.)

· Hidden alcoholic

· Hides smoking cigarettes (Previously for years nobody knew she smoked)

· Manipulative (Turns family members against each other)

· Plays victim (to the extreme)

· Sick in bed all the time (throwing up or migraines)

· Addicted to social media (extreme on all platforms, ex. 31,000 pins on Pinterest)

· Posts photos of herself in yoga poses to gain attention (craves attention)

· Runs to her family (for a security blanket)

· Affair?. (left my dad for a week)

· Last year she tried to commit suicide (pills)

· Lost tons of weight (Eating disorder – Anorexia?)

· Midlife crisis (New Convertible)

· She has no job, doesn’t cook or clean sits at home all the time

The Post:

I am looking for some insight on a family member that I believe may be seriously mentally ill and refuses to get help and find answers. This individual is my stepmother and has been married to my father for 7 years.

I am not looking for advice on how to handle the person I am looking solely for mental health related medical explanations that could explain these behaviors.

Here are symptoms that I have encountered:

Symptom 1: Family pets

Over the course of seven years, over 20 family pet dogs have disappeared from my dad’s house. My stepmom was lying to us and manipulating all of our family members on both sides into convincing the family that someone was taking the dogs away. My dad set up cameras throughout his house and yard and put locks on their outdoor kennel for extra safety. The dogs continued to disappear without explanation. For some reason, I had a feeling that my stepmom could be the one causing the dogs to disappear. When the subject came up about who could have done such a horrible thing she would say things like “whoever did this should rot in hell” (Remember this has been going on for seven years). About a month after my dad had put the locks on the kennels and put cameras throughout the house, he had 2 more dogs disappear. I went to investigate and found the camera cables were cut, the kennels had been flipped over, and the front locks on the kennel doors looked like someone tried to cut them. After reviewing the camera footage, all of the evidence pointed directly to my stepmom. She continued to lie about doing this to all of our animals for the next three months and seemed to be very adamant that she was not guilty. Eventually through church, my dad convinced her to talk to a pastor, to whom she finally admitted she had gotten rid of all of the dogs. Even though she admitted to the crime, she never told anyone what exactly she did with or to the dogs. She staged the scenes of the disappearances by cutting camera cables that my dad had set up within the house. She was the one that cut the locks as well. She did all of these things on her own.

Symptom 2: Family Members

Throughout the course of the years after the dog incident my stepmom has continuously tried to alienate my dad’s side of the family from him during things such as special holidays and “family events”. Example #1 would be taking him away during father’s day to her parents’ house making it to where non of his children can spend time with him. Example #2 would be making him spend every holiday with her kids and family and not inviting my side of the family along. Example #3 would be talking badly about our family members continuously. (NOTE: My dad and her have no children together)She has been VERY MANIPULATIVE to my dad for many years. When I confronted her this year about the holidays she sent a nasty email swearing and making herself the victim.

Symptom 3: Other issues

People love her around town, but it is because she puts on a fake act when she is around family and friends. It almost seems like she has another personality. One minute she can be fighting with my dad and then see someone else a split second later and be OVER THE TOP happy. My dad tries to defend her by telling us that when she is alone she is laying in bed throwing up all the time, eyes dilated with ocular migraines and not able to eat or move. Keep in mind, we can see on social media that she is constantly posting yoga pictures of herself standing on her head and doing crazy poses. She is CONSTANTLY on social media and stirring drama (over 31,000 pins on pinterest for example). My dad says she doesn’t drink but every time a family member is around she is drinking heavily and it seems that she is an alcoholic as well. She also was hiding smoking cigarettes from everyone. On top of this, she is about 5’5 and weights 90 pounds. She never eats and I believe she also has an eating disorder. My father has told me he is unhappy but he is in denial. About a year ago he came to me in secret asking if I thought she was cheating on him. It seems as though she is having a mid life crisis along with everything else because she just got a brand new convertible and left my dad for a week.

Symptom 4: Attempted suicide

Last year in December my stepmom took a bunch of pills and tried to commit suicide. She told my dad that this was because of differences she was having with her sons. Her sons wouldn’t let her be around their kids. We still think this was not the full story of why she did it. My dad thinks it was because of a possible affair she was having.

PLEASE HELP!!!! I need medical answers for her behavior. I am just trying to find a medical explanation so I can tell my dad. He is in complete denial and continues to stick up for her.

I didnt mean diagnosis. I meant just thoughts on what you think could be her illness

[jelly-bean]

You need to get this person to go to a psychiatrist or a therapist. We, here, are not doctors and can NOT give you any kind of diagnosis. It definitely sounds like she needs some major help both physically and mentally but only her husband can help her get it if she doesn't admit to herself that there might be problems. You and Dad need to have a very serious talk about this so that you can make him see what you see. Show him what you wrote here if you think that would help. Maybe if he saw it in writing he would recognize her and see the problem. Good Luck to you.

[~Christina]

I agree , showing your father this post you made , might help him see things in a clearer way. But even if he does, He can not force her to get help, Unless "she" decides she needs help and wants to get better. Its just not going to happen. Sad but true.

I do hope that your situation improves somehow. Welcome to PC

[spaceflyer]

He is aware of this as we have had serious talks the past few days. He continues to be in complete denial. Not sure what my next step should be.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by spaceflyer

He is aware of this as we have had serious talks the past few days. He continues to be in complete denial. Not sure what my next step should be.

Im sorry spaceflier we can not make a mental illness diagnosis for this person you posted about. only a treatment provider off the computer and in this persons location can do that. basically we are all just mentally ill people sharing a bit of our lives with each other. even though some of us may be treatment providers the rules of this site does not allow those of us who are to do online diagnosis, and online treatment. it can be a very dangerous thing. let me give you an example...

occular migraines if you googled this you will find there are millions upon millions of mental, physical problems that share this symptom...now say for example someone here said this persons diagnosis is depression but the problem turned out to be cancer. or vice versa either way the treatment options are different and both may be wrong because this one symptom points to many different diagnosis's. we could actually be doing this person more harm then good by attempting to make an online diagnosis. who knows maybe for this person its normal and for others it isnt. only a treatment provider with face to face contact with this person can make a diagnosis and treat them.

my suggestion dont worry about trying to diagnose someone else. leave the diagnosing up to that persons treatment providers ie their medical doctor or their therapist or their psychiatrist.

thats not saying you have no control... you do, you have control over whether you want to be a part of this persons life or not,you have control over you. you can let this person know you are worried about them, you can print off your post and give it to this person to read or not, unless you are this persons court appointed guardian theres nothing else you can do about this person. making guesses and trying to self diagnose this person rather than letting this persons own treatment providers continue to handle this persons mental and physical well being will only end up making your own life more difficult for you. suggestion focus on you, your problems and leave the diagnosing up to the professionals in this persons life.

[spaceflyer]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

Im sorry spaceflier we can not make a mental illness diagnosis for this person you posted about. only a treatment provider off the computer and in this persons location can do that. basically we are all just mentally ill people sharing a bit of our lives with each other. even though some of us may be treatment providers the rules of this site does not allow those of us who are to do online diagnosis, and online treatment. it can be a very dangerous thing. let me give you an example...

occular migraines if you googled this you will find there are millions upon millions of mental, physical problems that share this symptom...now say for example someone here said this persons diagnosis is depression but the problem turned out to be cancer. or vice versa either way the treatment options are different and both may be wrong because this one symptom points to many different diagnosis's. we could actually be doing this person more harm then good by attempting to make an online diagnosis. who knows maybe for this person its normal and for others it isnt. only a treatment provider with face to face contact with this person can make a diagnosis and treat them.

my suggestion dont worry about trying to diagnose someone else. leave the diagnosing up to that persons treatment providers ie their medical doctor or their therapist or their psychiatrist.

thats not saying you have no control... you do, you have control over whether you want to be a part of this persons life or not,you have control over you. you can let this person know you are worried about them, you can print off your post and give it to this person to read or not, unless you are this persons court appointed guardian theres nothing else you can do about this person. making guesses and trying to self diagnose this person rather than letting this persons own treatment providers continue to handle this persons mental and physical well being will only end up making your own life more difficult for you. suggestion focus on you, your problems and leave the diagnosing up to the professionals in this persons life.

I understand where you are coming from. It is a lot harder to just leave it be when she isn't getting treatment whatsoever. My family is very important to me. My brothers, my sisters, my father and family pets etc. When my direct family is being hurt its hard to walk away or just sit by and watch it happen. I am just at a loss at what to do. I have read about Cluster B personality disorders and think it may be a good start for research.

[Mygrandjourney]

Plus, once you were to get a diagnosis (or diagnoses), there's little, legally you can do if the person refuses to get help.
There are several self help books and NAMI for you and your dad regarding getting your own support and strategies for motivating someone to get treatment. If she makes another attempt on her life, definitely call 911, regardless of what she or your father say.

[Altered Moment]

You might spend some time reading the different sections in this forum.

It sounds rather complex to me.

You might pretend you are her and take some of the tests on here.

Psychological Tests and Quizzes

Even if you come up with a totally accurate diagnosis I am not sure what good that will do. She has to want to get help and your Dad has to play a role in that. Pointing out all her behavior and how it affects you and the family is the best thing to do. The label doesn't matter it is the behavior. Phrase things in a non attack way using I statements. I think this.......I feel this when that happens.

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

The main thing is as someone mentioned above, she is not going to get help unless she thinks it is her idea. I am not totally convinced that she has mental illness. She sounds like she could be going through a mid life crisis, acting out and being a drama queen. If she has not made any more serious suicide attempts or does not talk about it consistently, she have been trying to get attention. It does sound like she does behave in attention seeking behavior.

Don't get me wrong, I take suicide threats seriously. I've been there myself. People do seem to get lots of attention if they take overdoses even if they are not fatal. Problem is if they do it to get attention and accidentally do take the magic combination of drugs for them. The alcohol use is a major problem, probably at the root of a lot of her issues. Again, that won't improve if she does not want to change.

Sounds like she needs someone to confide in and take interest in helping her to see the err of her self destructive ways. Is there anyone like that in her life? I know that you are concerned for her, I understand. Maybe a medical diagnosis is not what she needs. I know that getting diagnosed myself did not help me, is not helping me now whatsoever.

These are all just my thoughts, not any professional opinion. I wish you the best with this situation.

[CaptainChaos79]

Histrionic Personality Disorder or Borderline Personality maybe....Munchhausen's Syndrome? Get this person committed

[coffee_lover_91]

I dont have any medical training in these areas, but i have done enough reading to tell you that the other posts here are correct: face to face contact between her and a trained professional is the only thing that will get any actual results. Said theoretical professional will probably also need feedback and support from yourself and your dad. The fact that any one of those symptoms could be part of any number of diagnoses, and steer you to the wrong treatment isn't even the only problem. The thing about these sorts of things is that mental and physical illnesses can co-exist in any number of combinations, and be caused individually by any number of things. Concisely identifying a list of the most apparent and most alarming symptoms is definitely a good solid start. Save that list for yourself, whether you choose to show it to your dad or not.

That said, I feel i must also advise against the idea of taking tests and trying to guess at how you think she would answer the questions. In my own experience, i find that the shift from one frame of mind to another can drastically change my responses to some simple and insignificant questions. (What shirt do i want to wear today?) And I am using a small-scale example on purpose, given that your stepmom seems to change mental states a great deal more drastically.

I really do think it is great that you care enough about her to post here and ask for help. I wish i had a better answer for you, one that would steer you closer to finding the problem. I wish we didnt all have to give you a non-answer of an answer, but, it happens that in this case that is the nature of the problem.

Best of luck to you really though.

I think she has to see a problem first, and then want to get help....

We only have control over our own lives, really.

I am sorry about your situation.

[Mygrandjourney]

Originally Posted by CaptainChaos79

Histrionic Personality Disorder or Borderline Personality maybe....Munchhausen's Syndrome? Get this person committed

Commitment is a tall order in my neck of the woods. Takes more than a personality disorder.