[Little Jay]

Hi everyone,

I am not sure if I am posting this in the right place, as I only usually use the depression forum for myself so please move if i'm wrong

I am growing really concerned about my younger sister who is now 16 (17 in January). She is at a point where none of my family and a lot of her friends will not speak to her (myself included), but I'm starting to think it through and feel as if we should have done more for her in the beginning.

I started having mental health problems at around 14, so to me it shouldn't be quite so unexpected that she could be going through the same thing. From about that age, everyone just said she had gotten in with the wrong crowd when she was caught skipping school and drinking in the street with some friends. Then when she would just leave the house for days on end and tell nobody where she was until the police brought her home they would say the same, or that she is just a bad kid. She left home last year, never having a fixed place to live just going from friends house to friends house, and rumours started coming back to me about my sisters ways - she would sleep with guys for money, or for a place to stay, and I was told that she is hooked on drugs.

I have tried in the past to help her, I picked her up, took her for a nice meal and convinced her to go home and try and sort things out. But it didn't work because within a few days she had left again. She tells people she has been kicked out, and that my parents are strict and terrible - but it's not true, my parents are amazing parents, and haven't kicked her out even when she's been extremely terrible towards them. She is living like a homeless person, she never cleans herself and looks and smells terrible, she often always seems to be on some sort of drug.

A couple of months ago, someone tried to break into my parents house, smashing a window before it woke them up and they ran, it's since come to light that it was my sister that was involved (she knew how to avoid the security cameras and the alarm sensors, and exactly where my mum keeps a bit of money). There was also a massive knife found in the garden. My family felt completely horrified about this and of course want nothing to do with her - how could you try to break into the house where your parents and 8 year old sister are sleeping, and what on earth were they planning on doing with the knife!?

She has now been given a house on some sort of benefits, as she is technically homeless because nobody will now take her in. She is addicted to drugs and prostituting herself for money. When I say to anyone what if she's struggling with problems like I was, they say that's just making excuses for her. I understand that people often turn out that way and they don't have mental health problems, but this is completely out of character for her. She is extremely self destructive, and often posts syndical things on Facebook such as "what's the point" etc etc.

I don't want to just make an excuse up to justify her behaviour as others have said, I genuinely think that she is severely depressed just like I was at that age, and maybe even has other problems. It's getting worse and worse and I am genuinely concerned for her safety, and maybe even the safety of others. I know it might sound a bit extreme, but I think that she needs to be sectioned - she wouldn't willingly agree to seek help as I don't think she thinks there's anything wrong with the way she is, she just thinks everyone is against her. Is it possible for me to go and see my doctor to express my concerns? What will he do, is it even possible for them to section her when she hasn't even been to see them? Do you think i'm just trying to make excuses for her, or am I right in thinking she needs serious mental help?

Jess

[venusss]

I know it might sound a bit extreme, but I think that she needs to be sectioned - she wouldn't willingly agree to seek help as I don't think she thinks there's anything wrong with the way she is, she just thinks everyone is against her.

If she doesn't think she needs help, this will only make her even more "everybody is against me". It would not make her realize she's been wrong all along.

Maybe she needs to learn the hard way. You cannot force help on people, or force them to change ways. And there seems to be much more problems than her being depressed. It sorta sounds you are making excuses for her and you want to believe that if she's sectioned, she will magically become the person you always wanted her to be.

Nah. Some people are problematic all their lifes. Some change, but hardly ever it's through being sectioned.

[Altered Moment]

This is my intuition talking but your post screams heroin addiction to me. In the case of addiction it is my experience (personal and from many many others) that a person has to want to get help and has to admit they have a problem. I think it is similar with mental illness. If you force someone into the hospital and they are given meds or are forced to be clean for awhile the chances are very high that they will just return to their life style. Some people go to rehab multiple times to get people off their back or to satisfy the court and relapse over and over.

On the other hand. In the US there is a thing called drug court. This started when they got very serious about drunk driving due to the lobbying effort of Mothers Against Drunk Drivers. So if a person gets two or three drunk drivings they are forced to attend a certain number of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. As a member I have never really agreed with this as it violate our traditions. It was supposed to be people who voluntarily choose to join. But I have to say I have seen many many people who are forced to go and somewhere along the line decide to stay and have lasting sobriety. Drug courts have proven effective overall. It keeps non violent drug offenders out of jail and often works. But this is a matter of someone already caught up in the criminal justice system and they are given a choice. Do this treatment plan or go to jail. If it doesn't work they end up in jail and keep repeating.

In Alanon we say "You have to let an addict suffer the natural consequences of their actions." This is really hard to stand by and watch. It can be said of anyone. They have to suffer the natural consequences of their actions no matter the cause.

Chances are that she will get caught up in the criminal justice system in a more serious way at some point. I am not sure how it is handled in the UK.

[cool09]

I don't think you can get someone committed if they are just using drugs and prostituting themselves (at least not in the US). They have to be a threat or causing harm to themselves or others. If she breaks the law and is arrested she can be ordered to get a psychological evaluation if the Judge feels it's relevant to the situation. It's difficult to see a family member go down that road. Good luck.