[John20143]

Hi there, Hopefully I can find some help here. I have years and years of experience with depression and helping others and myself deal with the condition.

As everyone knows, treating a 12-year old is far, far different from treating an adult.

I clearly can't help this child on my own, and this is VERY serious.

This person chatted with my while playing a game online.. I'm sure this isn't the first time the story has started out like this.

I chatted with him about the game and he wanted to be able to chat and play again, so I gave him my account info so he could send me a message.. It's only been a few days since we first chatted. He quickly wanted to talk over skype, and I said ok.. Of course, when he calls I find out he's only 12.. We talked for a few minutes and I requested that he have his mother's permission before we chat any longer.. So he asked his mom, I talked to her and she was fine with it...

This is fairly urgent, so I need to skip forward and leave out the details that can wait.

Basically he says he doesn't deserve to live, that he's a worthless piece of ****, that he's useless, etc. While playing games he gets angry and says how he wants to kill that guy that won, amongst other colorful, hateful, really horrible things.

Major contributing factors: He says he was "bullied" in school and hasn't been back since.. That was (I'm estimating) almost 2 years ago. His father took him away at some point and his mother had to get him back with legal assistance. Only supervised visits with the father are allowed. He is supposed to be participating is some type of home-schooling, however this isn't happening. He has no regular schedule, stays awake for more than 24 hours, and is fixated on games the entire time, only leaving his room (once, maybe twice a day) to eat. He may fall asleep at noon one day, 4 am the next, and maybe 4 pm 36 hours later.

From the little I know so far, and my best description is some type of sociopathic behavior, borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, and/or ADHD.

I have tried to be careful, I expected him a respond a certain way, and he definitely behaved as I expected.. Change the subject. Redirect the question, ignore, push me away, make me feel guilty, etc.

I reached my limit earlier today.. The outcome is lose/lose at this point. I will find it very difficult to deal with myself if I have to let him go. I know something bad will happen if I remove myself and he doesn't get any help. If I can avoid it, I'd prefer not to have to live with that.

Please point me in the right direction if you can not help directly! Thank you! John

[Lexi232]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. It's a pretty tight spot to be in.
First, Welcome to PC!
Second,
Do you know anything about where he lives? Knowing his skype info may help in locating him. You can call a crisis line and speak with them on what the best course of action could be.

either
TeenHelp Adolescent Resources: 1-800-840-5704
or
Depression Bipolar Support Alliance: 1-800-826-3632
or
Lifeline
(which has a number on there as well)

[Altered Moment]

That is a very difficult situation. Your control and power in the situation is very very limited. You don't know his whole history, you don't know his parents, you don't know how serious the suicidal or violent thinking is. Many of us have suicidal thoughts all the time and it is a very long way from acting on them.

You might try talking to the Mother and strongly encourage her to get him the help he needs, but if he isn't in school and stays up gaming 24/7 she obviously isn't the best Mother and we don't know what her problems are. She could turn against you.

Your only other choice is to just be his friend and let him vent and understand him and not judge. People underestimate the power in that. Given his age I would record all the chats and skypes just to protect yourself. What if the mother accuses you of inappropriate behavior because she gets mad. It could happen. Be his friend and CYA I think is all you can do. Unless you knew his real name and address and called child protective services but that is a big step to take.

[John20143]

Thanks for the responses, I appreciate your time very much.

Firstly, I have his first and last name, his mother's first and last name, as well as his exact address (via iOS 'find friends').

Secondly, (re: second responder) I'm definitely in CYA mode.. I don't feel good about it.. Be I had to start recording everything when the issues first became apparent.

Thirdly, he lives in Canada, and I have a message out to a crisis center in his city asking for direction.

4th and so on; this is not a boy's cry for attention, nor is it a passing phase.
I know some details about his mother, I don't feel comfortable posting them here, however. After talking with him for at least 50 hours, I have spoken a bit to his mother, and have heard her pleas asking him to eat, go to bed, etc. As I expected, he pretends to obey her, but doesn't. When she tells him it's too late to be chatting and to go to bed, I explain to him that I can't enforce her rules, but I feel obligated to honor her wishes and have to end the call. I know that she is concerned about it. I believe both he and she went through some trauma involving the father.. She gave him some time to heal, and now she's really just enabling his behavior.

It's also clear he's had some counseling/therapy.. He is quick to respond to my questions with what I call 'anti-answers'. He knows how to deflect and manipulate almost everything. He gets angry when I ask a question for which he's not prepared.

When looking at the 'checklists' for bipolar disorder and depression, it's not just a few of the list items that apply, it's 99% so far.

He'll be waking up any moment now.. And proceed to try to reach me.
When he can't get me, the anger is real..

My last resort is to contact the local suicide prevention center, or something similar. I would have done so already, but I've had enough experience with crisis centers that I am certain, it's not the best option.. However, when I'm down to the 'only' option, I will.

There are so many red flags here, I feel obligated to make some effort to prevent another Columbine or similar tragedy. It would be inexcusable to brush this off and later be reading about how whatever tragedy could have been prevented if someone had just done the bare minimum.

Keep the suggestions flowing! I know for the most part how to identify the problems, even the causes.. I've even been surprisingly good at helping him without overtly trying.. I.e. Carefully thinking over every single word I'm going to say.. And letting him know that I won't abandon him. I'm trying to use myself as an example, rather than saying I know how he feels (everyone could probably guess what happens when you say that).

I'll sum this up by saying I would like help and suggestions for tactics I can use to avoid the rejection. If I can convince him to get help, it would be so much more effective than intervening on his behalf.

Thanks again for reading.

[John20143]

Thanks again, I posted a reply..
I didn't know we should list our medical accomplishments at the end. :-) only kidding around. I'll post my history and 'pillology' in my profile if anyone is feeling competitive! Really, it always makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one in here. Sincerely, John

[Mygrandjourney]

John: Please see this thread a few lines below yours:
Befriended a teenage girl who needs help
Started by k207
Doing this sort of thing by internet/phone/text is very risky and many professionals will not interact on this level with clients for liability's sake. Please keep this in mind and protect yourself but letting the appropriate authorities (such as child protective services or the local PD) know what is going on. Yes, he will likely get upset, but if you suspect a disaster in the making, then it is worth risking the relationship to save a life (or many). Best wishes