[Duvdar]

Hey All

Been dating someone with Anxiety, Depression, And Schizoaffective. I love her very much but one thing that has been a battle for us is what to do each day when she is going through a down mood swing. Anytime this happens she has thoughts of guilt for not being able to give back what she feels she should be at this point in the relationship. She has thoughts or letting me go because she feels she is hurting me. What I am really looking for is any advice on how we might be able to deal with the down swings. Something I can do to help. Or maybe there is something she can do to help herself? Any advice would be great thanks in advance.

BTW- She is not on any meds at the moment. She said she does not want to make decisions on the relationship while on meds.

[kaliope]

that is a shame because meds will make the brain function as it should. what works the best for me in the down swings is being able to remember that i am in a down swing and all my thinking and judgement and mood is being influenced by that downswing so i dont have an accurate accounting of what is going on with my situation so i should not be making an life altering decisions while i am there. i just need to wait it out till i am back to "normal"

[MattBemis]

My girlfriend also has Schizoaffective and is unmedicated. We fight often enough but what we really try to do is work through every issue we have and be straight up and honest about how we're feeling. When we're honest about how we're feeling and work through it, everything turns out ok. I love this girl and I don't plan on leaving. Yeah, there are hard times, but that's every relationship, with mental illness it's just a little more work. I also have Bipolar Disorder 1 which has an impact on the relationship, but we're doing admirably so I know you can do it too =)

i am schizoaffective and i do not take medications. from your girlfriend's point of view, i understand her completely. i am currently in a relationship and he takes his medications and i do not, i am sure he can give you better advice than me.

anyway, what my boyfriend does for me, is keeps it 100%. i have asked him to tell me when i am being a problem. from there i try to process my emotions and figure out my own behavior and explain it as best i can to him. it is alot of work and it is hard. but we love each other enough to make it work. the best advice i can give to you is remain understanding, don't attack her because she probably has enough of that in her own head. the last thing you want to do is make her confused because you're confused. i don't know, does this make any sense?

when she is in a down mood state, just assure her you love her and that you aren't going anywhere. tell her how you feel about everything, if she is quick to anger, don't get angry as well. you can't fight fire with fire, and remember that she isn't her illness, somewhere in there she is probably scared and confused, i am sure she loves you. she has probably talked about leaving you to protect you from "herself" - all i can really say is if you want this relationship to work out, you will find a way. for my relationship, the best thing we do is talk about everything, we get everything out and deal with it immediately, it leaves no time for confusion or resentment.

i hope this could be of some help.