[aliamdp]

Please help. I don't know much about eating disorders, but I'm afraid my mom might have one. I can't talk about the subject with her. She's already a very sensitive person and blows up easily. If she thinks I'm "accusing" her of having a disorder, she'd likely throw me out of the house. I want to explain everything in-depth, because I think she really needs help and I don't know what to do.

Everytime I make a food-run to the grocery store or fastfood place, I have to ask her multiple times what she wants. She always says she "doesn't care" what I bring back and acts pretentiously nonchalant. It's irritating enough, but when I'm seconds away from walking out the door, she'll finally tell me what she wants. She won't order very much, only 1 or 2 very small food items. She'll eat another meal an hour or two later.

Every morning she'll cook breakfast for herself. Nothing wrong with that. Only she cooks at 4:30-5:00 a.m, so people won't see her eat. She takes her breakfast to her bedroom. Then she'll go back to sleep and wash the dish later at night when the family is asleep, so we won't know she had breakfast. She does this with her other meals.

When my family orders pizza, we end up getting way too much. An entire box too much. It's no problem, after all, cold leftover pizza can be reheated for later. Everytime this happens, my mom will wake up at the crack of dawn, around 3:30-4:00 a.m. She'll eat the entire box of pizza. No leftovers for anyone

She never goes out to a restaurant to celebrate with the family. Not even for my highschool graduation ceremony. Not even for any one of my birthdays. Not even her husband's birthday. She'll only go with us to a restaurant if it's her birthday. Or if she has already eaten. Let me explain the most recent situation where this happened. My dad and I were going to really nice restaurant to celebrate getting my braces off. All I wanted to do was bite into a big juicy burger with my newly metal-free teeth and my dad was more than happy for the excuse to have a burger himself. We asked if my mom was coming. After ten minutes of "thinking about it" and essentially dodging the question, she agreed to come with us. Only once we arrived to restaurant, did she tell us she ate twenty minutes ago and wasn't hungry. She ordered an expensive meal anyway. Then, embarressingly, she just sat there at the table. Didn't take a single bite out of her food, and stiffly kept her hands on her lap the entire time. The waitress was very concerned and came over to us right away, asking numerous times if the food wasn't cooked right. This has happened twice before. Afterwards, the very moment we get home, my mom immediately goes to her bedroom to eat it.

When I leave leftover things in the fridge to finish later -- I'm just not used to American portions -- you better believe they are gone within the next few hours. Every single time. My mom's a ninja, so I won't see her swipe it. The next day, I'll ask her if she's "moved it", to be as polite as possible. She'll stare at me for a long moment with an angry, almost patronising look. (which is disconcerting since I don't consider myself a rude person) Then she'll blame me for her eating it. Ususally with cursing involved: "Yes, I ate it! You didn't put the fu***** lid on tight enough, it was going bad anyway!" or "I already ate it. The meat f****** tasted like rotten sh**. I took a few bites, so I didn't notice it at first!" When I respond to debunk her theories, or tap into the possibility of a food disorder, she becomes irrationally angry and then it's physically/emotionally/mentally impossible to reason with her.

I saw my mom hoard of junk food yesterday. In her bedroom. Chips, puddings, biscuits. It was alarming. That was when I knew I had to talk to someone about it. My dad is the only one she'll listen to, and when I asked him to talk to her about it, he hadn't bothered. He said it wasn't serious. I'm not so convinced. I'm hoping an expert, or someone dealing with an eating disorder might stumble onto this post and tell me that it's normal, that its just an eccentric quirk. But I fear it's probably more than that. Please, if you have any solutions, any ways of helping me bring the subject into the open, I'd appreciate it!

(She's never been starved before or been without food. My dad is a great guy and the best dad in the world, so he'd never allow that to happen. My mom's over fifty years old, and I know for a fact that she hasn't had a traumatic childhood or anything like that. This has gone on for many years, and I just want my mom to be happy and normal.)

[CANDC]

Hi Aliamdp. Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry your mom has struggled with food related and anger related issues. It is only possible for a person that is seeking help to be helped. Some people suffer a long time before they are ready to be helped. what is important for caregivers like you is to self care and take the time and energy to work on restoring yourself to balance. Some caregivers get a therapist for themselves to work through the trauma of an abusive relationship.

Many people find the forums and the articles helpful. Here are some forums.
Survivors of Abuse - Forums at Psych Central
or other forums that they can relate to. The Anxiety Chat is 8PM on Wednesday EST when you have 5 posts. There are others too.

Many people who are actively involved in Psych Central find it helps take them out of their own problems to develop empathy for others. And their problems though still there are more manageable.

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[kaliope]

hi
i think you are on target to worry for your mother. i do not know much about eating disorders, but the fact that your mother wont eat hides when and what she eats and feels the need to lie and have conflict over eating indicates there is an issue regarding food. my therapist just diagnosed me with an eating disorder because of the abnormal way i eat. i feel the need to stash food and lie about what i eat when i live alone and have nobody to report to.

pushing mom is only going to cause more conflict and damage your relationship. enlisting dad is the key, but you have to get him to see reality. so do your research on eating disorders. i cant direct you as this isnt my field, but i am sure it is out there. then present that to dad with your concern and desire to help mom and see if he is willing to stage an intervention.

welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[Ruftin]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central aliamdp!!! It's nice to meet you. You have joined a community of warm and caring members who will want to offer you support and advice. Yours is welcome as well.

Please feel free to contact any community liaison or moderator by left clicking on their name in blue to the left of their post if you need help navigating the forums. It will take some time for your first five posts to appear as they are being evaluated and then you will be able to join chats.

I'm sorry for your struggles. You'll find we have a safe and supportive community. I'm glad you've joined us.

I look forward to seeing you around!!!