[Coerulescens]

This is a long, long story, but I'll try to keep it as short as possible....which, it turns out, is not short at all.

I was friends with this particular person over the Internet for about...oh, 7 years? It began as a casual friendship, then as new websites came out, it became more and more personal of a friendship. We had a lot of shared interests, and that was mainly what our friendship was based on. We also shared a similar spiritual view...and this, I feel, is what led to the majority of the problems.

You see, he and I (I'll just call him Tim, even though that's not his real name), our beliefs were so similar that we pretty much shared them fully with one another. I also looked up to him, as a sort of mentor on spiritual issues.

It's only in retrospect that I realize my OCD caused me to ask him so many questions about his beliefs, and also asking him if I was believing the right way, if this was correct, etc. It wasn't necessarily that I was completely insecure about my beliefs...although at the time, I went through a lot of drama and yes, I kind of was. But it was the obsessions that I had about my beliefs, brought on my how much stress was in my life at the time.

I also made promises to him that I couldn't keep, and I had some involvement with Internet friends of his own that he just so happened to hate. I also complained to him about problems in my life, because, I had few others to rant to in my actual life.

After one particular bad experience, Tim gave me the silent treatment for 2 weeks. I was utterly depressed and inconsolable at the time, because Tim was my best online friend I'd ever had at that point, and I couldn't bear to lose him.

We tried to make up, but Tim wouldn't forgive me, and called me a manipulator, and other horrible things, but the manipulator bit is what's really bothered my conscience for the last five years...

Anyway. So there was that, which completely ended my friendship with him. I also tried re-connecting with him to apologize again two years later, and he responded back even more viciously, saying that he had a "gut feeling that I had to get out of this friendship", that I wasn't to be trusted, etc. To further exemplify the absolute PERMANENCE of this belief which just utterly blows my mind...well...he friended my girlfriend on social media recently. (He was a mutual friend of ours online.) That did not end well. Tim ended up talking about me, saying that he couldn't be my girlfriend's friend because "I wasn't to be trusted", I "had to run away from that person", that I talked about him behind his back, etc.

Recently, I found some Internet posts by him, from many, many years ago, that I'd never seen before until now...that might help you guys determine if he really does have Paranoid Personality Disorder...which I suspect he does, and that's why he hurt me so irreparably.

Quotes by him:

No, *****, I'm not mad at you. However, I am upset with you, *****. I gave you a chance even after you said you were sorry for what you said to me before, and I'm sorry, but I cannot and will not forgive it. If you really want to talk, e-mail me. But I cannot say that I will ever trust you again, and certainly will not do anything for you ever again. In fact, I doubt that I will even talk with you again. *****, I will not tolerate anymore hateful messages at my boards.

I will not let this go. You, like all of my so-called friends, have hurt me. And frankly, I don't give a **** about you either, anymore. Well... I did, until you insulted me again. And I hadn't even done anything to you.

No, I don't accept **** from people, and I fail to see how you could think that I do. I did, back in the day. People would pick on me and I'd just sit there and take it because I had nothing else to do. But then I learned the art of standing up for oneself. Which is what I am doing right now. I don't let people walk all over me. I make sure that when they try that, that they get burned.

I should never have trusted you, and I won't make that mistake ever again.

For the most part, I am nice to people. I just don't trust them with the intimate details... and people like **** are cruel reminders of how people cannot be trusted, and how badly it hurts when you do trust them. Oh, well. It's not the first time so-called "friends" have rejected me. Guess I'm just not good enough for them.

In addition, my girlfriend was the one to break the ice with him when he friended her again on a social media account. Not sure if that adds much, but my girlfriend thought it was important and I should mention it.

How can I ever recover from these accusations and move on? I swear that he had PPD, but I just can't be certain...and no matter what he may have been suffering with, it sure hurts like hell.

[Turtleboy]

hi welcome to pc, i'm sorry you had such a rough time, it can be very emotionally draining to try cope with such a situation. Of course none of us here can diagnose anybody as we are a peer to peer site, strictly no professional opinions or labels can be given out, you can try research these symptoms or maybe ask a healthcare professional in real life, maybe they can clarify, i doubt it tho, your friend would have to be interviewed and examined by a pdoc and even then it could range from one to a dozen things out of endless possibilities.
I hope you can find some peace in your heart

[Coerulescens]

Friend? Ex-friend, that is...

Thanks for the reply.

I realize you can't professionally diagnose someone online, but I wanted to know if other people who were friends with PPD's at one time or had PPD as a partner would be able to tell me if they see any similarities in my story...that might give me some peace then.

[Turtleboy]

i had a friend once with a previous PDD diagnosis, it was later chanced to borderline personality disorder, the situation was similar to yours.

Thank you for sharing your story. I don't have any answers, but wanted to post my support.

[Atypical_Disaster]

I had to cut off contact with two people who both have PPD a month ago and reading this did remind me of those two ex-friends.