[Adelyn]

Afterward, he said I deserved it, "much worse actually." Such a stereotype.

He then left, after hugging me and handing me a tissue, and telling me I should hurry up and get ready and go to a movie with him and his kids. I said, sobbing, that wasn't possible. He the said he'd bring me back something to eat, like he's such a caring guy.

My mother's best friend growing up was named Carol. She was was strangled to death by her husband of thirty years. Before that, he'd cheated on her for seven years, and after he broke off the affair, the other woman contacted her and gave her detailed descriptions of what they did in bed. Carol had MS, a physical disorder that worsens over time. Her husband did not work. They lost most of their friends to what others described as a "volitalie relationship." He'd broke her thumb several years before, in an argument over the remote control. Why didn't Carol leave him? It seems so obvious that was the only option. At what point does a person just have to say enough, I've had enough? Obviously, Carol should have said this a long time ago.

I think about Carol sometimes. I should have left a long time ago too. Maybe my husband should have as well. Why did her husband stay with her, if he hated her so much he killed her? He could have walked out of the door at anytime.

My husband just sent me a text: "I'm bringing you dinner "

I'm sitting in our bedroom closet rocking back and forth writing this. He'll come back in a good mood and try to cheer me up. He won't want to talk about anything that happened, he'll just want to "move on and be happy." And if I counter that, he'd probably just walk off to his computer and ignore me for a day. Or he'd lose it again. Regardless, I would be in the wrong. That's the key here. That's always the key. He would say that he "can't handle this anymore" and remind me that he has been dealing with several incredibly stressful work crises right now and that he needs my support more than ever. My best response is to say I'm not feeling well and lay in bed watching movies on my kindle. Tomorrow he'll ask me what's wrong, like he has no clue, which is true--he has no clue. Really. He has mild Asperger's syndrome and can't always make sense of social situations. That, coupled with his narcissistic ability to avoid self-blame and seemingly edit reality, means yes, he really will have no clue. And if I tell him why, he'll quickly get demoralized and say something like "fine. I thought everything was getting better," then walk off to his computer to work. He works from home. I can't bother him while he's working.

Maybe Carol wasn't sure if she could do better, because of her MS, and felt she couldn't make it alone. I'm a nearly recovered Borderline (I now only have "tendencies"). I worked really hard on it, was in therapy for ten years, tried every med out there, and so on. I still have a pretty extreme fear of abandonment, and natural periods of depression. And it seems I still make bad choices. Self-destructive choices, I guess. I can't be alone. I feel like I'm in the middle of a turbulent and vast sea, with a little ship of questionable value, but at least I'm afloat and not swimming in this cold sea.

He pushed me around the whole downstairs, sometimes knocking me over, once punched me mildly in the arm, and twice threw me onto a couch, with all his weight on me, then looked at me with absolute fury like he was deciding what to do with me. He was screaming at me throughout, while cried and pleaded with him to stop, to please just sit down for a minute and calm down. He said I'm never to yell at him in his own house, that I'm his "dependent" so I have fewer rights than him if I want to be here. He kept saying how awful I was today and I told him even if he didn't like my behavior, he could have talked to me about it, he didn't have to do all this. He said he did, that I deserved much worse. I finally got him to stop when I insisted that he'd already punished me ten-fold. Within ten minutes of that he was giving me a hug, handing me a tissue, and taking his kids to a movie.

Oh, and what did I do that was so bad he felt it warranted this response? We'd had a few minute, minor spat, before which I was grumpy toward him and he was annoyed. He's "under a great deal of stress right now" and has to deal with me "being a ***** as well."

Now he just got home. He handed me the pasta take-out he got me, patted me on the head, and told me to pick out something to watch for he and I before bed.

Like Carol, I don't have many friends either. People tend not to like hearing repeated abuse complaints never followed with any action.

[Yoda]

Hello, Adelyn. Welcome to PC.

I understand exactly what you are talking about. I had an abusive BF and the relationship ended in tragedy with his death. I have ptsd now but at least I am alive.

Do you still have contact with a therapist? Do you know where a domestic violence shelter is near you? You need an emergency plan like putting important documents and what money you can somewhere safe at a friend's house or in your house in case you need to leave quickly.

It really doesn't matter that he has aspergers or a demanding job or a bad childhood; it doesn't make it okay to emotionally or physically abuse you.

This is an interesting read ----> The Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse | The Exhausted Woman

Please remember to log out of PC when he is home so he will not find your posts about the abuse. The most dangerous time for an abused woman (or abused man) is when the abuser realizes that she is planning to leave.

Here is another resource The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support

Feel free to PM me anytime.

[doyoutrustme]

it sounds like you know what you need to do. you are making some excuses for him though. so he has mild aspergers? boo f-ibg hoo. let him figure that one out alone. time to go. we're here for you...