[PippaIsAlone]

My mother is a narcissist.

I won't go into everything as I'm sure you can already imagine.

Well, I'm 21 and my mother refuses to pay for my university tuition. I've been out of school since I was 18. She is physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive. I am stuck with her and I can't tell anyone because she always makes me lie and tell people I'm at uni and I spend all day at in the house in my room for the past 3 almost 4 years. I can't even walk properly anymore. I want to kill myself. I'm sorry to trigger anyone. I just can't live like this I have no idea what to do. I just can't live anymore because it is so tough. I'm trying to be strong but it's hell and I just have no life. No happiness. Just two months ago I had Serotonin Syndrome because she would force me to take 4 tablets a day because they were "taking too long to work" I just feel like a puppet.

[Mygrandjourney]

Is there anyone in your family or in the professional community you can contact for support?

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

This is going to sound cruel considering you just said you can barely walk anymore, so I mean this metaphorically:

Run. Run like hell.

I was in a "trapped" situation after dropping out, though nowhere near as bad as yours. I deserved my poor treatment and was never actually in any danger. Once the self-harm started escalating, and the emotional control decreasing, I fled for fear of it getting worse.

Pack up some stuff and leave under cover of darkness if you have to. Find a friend or a relative with whom you can stay for a while; if you don't have those, research charities or even welfare of some kind in your area, some organization that will give you necessities until you can find work and self-support. The point is to leave - I can guess that even in your mindset, barely getting by alone would be better than living as you are now.

I won't even pretend it isn't difficult. It took me a couple of false starts to actually leave and mean it. If you're depressed, you likely barely have the energy to maintain an internet life let alone flee into the big bad world that may leave you feeling like a toddler trying to do a tax return. But it's your best shot at a life of your own, at healing yourself. Nothing will get better as long as you stay in that hellhole.

[Serzen]

Scientia said it: Go away. Now.

Go live with someone if you know anyone you can trust, otherwise just leave.

Be brave, life is awaiting you. You can do it.

If you let her go on ruining your life, it will be your fault, not hers.

[Fuzzybear]

I agree that you need to leave, she is an abuser and will not change. Please take the advice above for your sanity and a better future
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