[Jrod85]

I do not have depression, but my wife does. Her depression is causing us to have some major issues in our marriage. I use to be able to deal with it much better before, but now we have a child together and I don't have the time to help her cope with her depression.

We have been together for 8 years. In the beginning I was there for her, and now I'm not. Its not that I don't want to be, but the 3 year old gets all of my attention now.

I find myself feeling depressed now as well. I know I don't have depression, but I still feel down. This is not who I am as I've always been a happy person that sees the bright side. Now that I'm not that same person that my wife married it makes her more upset and feels more alone. She use to be the center of my world, and now she no longer is.

I have grown sick and tired of her issues and want to have a happy life. We both have resentment. Mine is because she is holding me back from being happy, and hers is because I'm not he same person I use to be.

My wife doesn't have friends or family that she can turn too. She only has me. I feel guilty, but when I get to be happy?

How to do get back to who I was? How to I try and get her the help she needs?

Thanks for any advice.

[Victoria'smom]

Is she seeing a therapist or psychiatrist? She sounds like the perfect candidate for partial hospitalization or Intensive out patient program or other day program. You need to spend time away from baby for date nights. Do you have friends? can you do regular game nights?

Jrodf85, (((hugs))). You covered a lot of base her. It sounds like your wife looks to you for her happiness and that never works. That puts a load on you and drains you. Then you have to find happiness outside of her to recharge. That does not work well in a marriage.
I have seen people get a babysitter once a week and the two go on a date, just the two of them, fun things. And just do it for laughs, be a kid again, relive the things you did when you first met. And just dose affection on each other. When the child is with a babysitter make sure it has a pet to play with to interact and a movie or something fun to do while you are gone rather than stuck in bed. They wont feel abandonment issues.
Things can move along nicely when you take that little extra time. Don't let your resentment destroy what you had and still have. Redefine it and you will be glad you did.
And marriage counseling is a basic 101. tc

[Jrod85]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Is she seeing a therapist or psychiatrist? She sounds like the perfect candidate for partial hospitalization or Intensive out patient program or other day program. You need to spend time away from baby for date nights. Do you have friends? can you do regular game nights?

Shes been seeing a psychiatrist. Just started seeing a therapist. She knows all too well what see needs to do to get better. Its just too hard to do. She has a lot of things in her life that she needs to move on from, but its not that easy.

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[Jrod85]

Originally Posted by omegalamed

Jrodf85, (((hugs))). You covered a lot of base her. It sounds like your wife looks to you for her happiness and that never works. That puts a load on you and drains you. Then you have to find happiness outside of her to recharge. That does not work well in a marriage.
I have seen people get a babysitter once a week and the two go on a date, just the two of them, fun things. And just do it for laughs, be a kid again, relive the things you did when you first met. And just dose affection on each other. When the child is with a babysitter make sure it has a pet to play with to interact and a movie or something fun to do while you are gone rather than stuck in bed. They wont feel abandonment issues.
Things can move along nicely when you take that little extra time. Don't let your resentment destroy what you had and still have. Redefine it and you will be glad you did.
And marriage counseling is a basic 101. tc

Hard to keep a baby sitter as we are so inconsistant on when we need it. Its been months since we have had a date night. It is hard to go on a date night when you are not getting along.

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[anushka]

I have suffered from depression in the past and still suffer now and then. I feel, from my experience, that proper meds do help a lot. But she must continue it according to docs prescription. This should help, with time.

In the meanwhile, do try engaging yourself to work and other things you love doing. Try not to get provoked at her rude comments,though I know at times its very difficult but I can assure you, they are not always directly directed toward you though they'll apparently appear so.

Best wishes.

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