I am at a loss of what to do.

A slight backstory. My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years. She has always wanted to rush things, like move in together after 3 dates, buy a dog together without discussion, get married- basically every momentous event you can think of short of children although she does have names picked out but I think that is fairly common. Up until recently I just assumed that was who she is but it has become increasingly clear it is her attempt at establishing a "normal" life. She had a very traumatic childhood, abuse, neglect, and divorce. She was diagnosed recently with ptsd from this and shortly after the diagnosis- her grandfather died suddenly. He was the only one that cared for her and was a constant source of positivity in an otherwise bleak world. She did not take the news very well. For the last 2 months she has been coming home from work crying and saying things like "I am an orphan now" and "I have no home." Recently she told me she has been intentionally hurting herself again.

My question is how do I help her through an obviously difficult time? It seems dumb but I do not know how to get to her and let her know it is going to be ok. She has been rather distant and snappy lately. She regularly yells at me over simple things so it has been hard to try and get her to open up. To couple that she seems to be all consumed by any bad news. Also I do kind of feel insulted that she believes she has no home, usually these statements are said after I have walked the dog and prepared dinner for her- doing the things for the stable home life she desperately wanted for so long. She is seeing somebody for the ptsd and is on medication, I just miss the old her. I apologize if this is in the wrong forum.

Clearly she is still deeply grieving her loss.

Do you know if she has been telling her therapist and prescriber about how she has been feeling and acting since her loss?

I do not suggest that you tell her this. Right now she obviously does not believe that things are going to be okay. When you say that they are, you unintentionally get across to her that you cannot understand her. This likely adds to her feeling of isolation and aloneness.

My suggestion is to show her that you can understand and accept the way she feels at this time of enormous loss. So if she says "I have no home" you might reply something like "You feel so terribly alone right now." This statement of yours does not agree with her, it simply shows that you acknowledge and accept (without judging her) that she has these feelings. You can then be a bit closer to being with her in her deep and profound grief.

Hello helplessandworried: No apologies necessary! I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! Hope you find what you came here seeking.

From my perspective, it sounds as though you're doing what you can do. You're providing her with the stable home she needs & wants. And you're there for her to talk to if-&-when she wants to open up. These are, it seems to me, the most important things. The other thing that occurs to me is for you to do little spur-of-the-moment things whenever possible... just little things that sort-of reinforce the fact that you're there & you care about her. (I once gave my wife a curly potato chip wrapped in aluminum foil & tied with a red ribbon because I knew she liked curly potato chips!) Does your girlfriend like to have her feet rubbed... her hair combed? Just try to find little things to do for her to comfort her.

Beyond that, you mentioned she is seeing somebody for PTSD & she's on med's. In therapy is where the difficult work needs to be done. I'm not sure you can or should try to help with that. If she wants to talk about some of that stuff... great! But I wouldn't expect it... & I wouldn't push it... That's really not your role, in my humble opinion...

To my knowledge she has been telling her therapist how she has been feeling and I know they have adjusted the medication and frequency of meetings. I just hate feeling helpless, I can only imagine how she feels.

I have been trying to give her some things to make her happy; flowers, ice cream, favorite meals, etc. Its helpful that I am a full time grad student so I have time to do the little things. I realize its not my role to treat but its just so hard to see the person you love suffer like this.

Yes, helplessness in the face of a loved one's grief.

You could see a therapist yourself, or call a hotline, or continue posting here, so as to have a chance to speak about your own feelings.