[Raly]

Hello all,

I wouldn't post this if it wasn't a very unique situation, I'm an open guy, I know what happened to me, I figured it out myself but there are some circumstances in my family that could ensure that I have no support system whatsoever and it would mean the world to me if someone could read this and give their opinion on this or even ask questions so I can provide more detail. Thanks if you do.
I haven't talked to the narcisstic sociopath (woman) that targeted me a long time ago since slightly less than 3 months. Now after a lot of silence she has been "love-bombing" me again through twitter and mostly soundcloud, posting songs that are aimed at me. As you can see I didn't go full no contact, probably because I still had some hope that everything would turn out well in the end but mostly because I wanted to know how to deal with this. She has moved away to another country about 6 months ago and ever since then has completely devalued and discarded me until now, giving me the complete silence treatment while my world was falling apart, I send her maybe about three hundred thousand words in those three months that I talked to her. Huge letters, explaining myself, not knowing that she was a narc, eventually pointing out that she was manipulative and all other things without pinpointing for myself that she has NPD. When I found out around 20 february I went silent within 2 days, deleted her and my facebook.

My issue is that the last five years or so I was "in love" with her and my life suffered for it, I gambled, failed my education etc. Now all of that wouldn't be such a problem and I would have no problem telling my parents about this relationship if it wasn't for the fact that I'm suspecting that my mom is most likely a narc aswell. My bond with my father has been without much REAL communication and he always gave me second chances but I feel like he has always been heavily influenced by my sister and mother who I think both have cluster B personalities. My sister is more obvious about it with all her failed relationships, completely leaving me out of the loop, I'm basicly the only threat to her, sometimes she starts devaluing me and trying to basicly isolate me from the family when she feels like I'm onto her or trying to expose her even.
I've already decided that I will write everything I know, at least to my brother because I've always been able to trust him and he is much like me. My dad is compassionate but I fear he is also weak even though he has build up a nice life for himself, weak in the sense that he is extremely manipulated.

I just don't know what to do? It's obvious that the narc who made me her victim is love bombing me right now and it's only a matter of time until the smear campagin starts. I even feel like she contacted my parents soon after I failed my education a few months ago, pretending to be concerned. I feel that way because my mom and dad keep using school as a way to ask me about it, analyzing my reaction, basicly confirming to themselves that I am in fact a liar/hiding things because I've been afraid to tell them that I dropped out. Not only because I dropped out and that's bad thing but also because I would have to tell them the entire story about the narc and me and I risk getting kicked out of my family. I'm completely dependant on them, no money, no job, no education. I come from a relatively wealthy family so I'm not truly equipped to be isolated and alone moving forward, I barely have any friends etc and I'm obviously suffering from PTSD or Schizophrenia.
The last detail that is important to mention is that I was very emotional about my experience with the narc and at one point in march I went to dinner with my mom and it was unavoidable, even though I wanted to tell her and dad at the same time it just came out and I ended up sitting in that restaurant telling her all about my experience with the narc. She didnt' seem truly concerned but she did immediatly understand and sided with me, never reached out her hand or hugged me (I'm a guy btw). She did ask questions while I was telling it and seemed to listen but at the end her true reaction was really "What a *****". She seemed more concerned with the fact that someone else had that much influence over me. Ever since I told her this entire thing (I was very accurate and even though I was emotional I did tell her everything.) She never mentioned this whole thing again and I don't think she even told my dad about it. In this way she basicly betrayed herself in my opinion. After the storytelling she said I seemed to have everything in order and that there should be no need for a therapist. Basicly even trying to boost my ego to make me feel better, making me feel like she understood and was on my side. But like I said, she never mentioned the entire traumatic experience again and I did not really either, also the fact that she didn't tell my dad about it as far as I know seems worrying to me.

I could go on and on but I just don't know what to do. Sure I could tell my parents I want to see a psychologist but what is that going to do for me? I'm an intelligent man, even though I might be suffering from PTSD or w/e I'm still very capable of telling the entire story to my brother and/or dad, the whole traumatic experience with the narc and even my suspicions about my mother AND sister.
What can I do here? I can at least tell my brother everything without fearing repurcussions. My dad however always seemed kinda brainwashed, he was always the "bad guy" in the house, preaching to my brother and me. I feel like triangulation was always in place at my house, I was a trained momma's boy and any bad news or good news I told my mom. Allowing her to tell my dad anything she wanted. Sometimes my dad is lovely to me for weeks on end and then all of a sudden shows way less appreciation even though nothing in my life has changed.
What I'm MOST worried about is what I said earlier, that my narc might have contacted my parents pretending to be concerned, telling them about my school drop out. Ever since then my parents have been using that to confirm that I'm a liar, basicly trusting someone they never even met over their 22 year old son.

My dad is not dumb, he has build business from the ground up, he has a decent life, I'm pretty sure he had a narcisstic mother which made him a co-dependent. I think if I contact my brother first and tell him everything, have a conversation about it and make sure that he is on my side, I would feel safer approaching my dad. That way when my dad does decide to completely pick my mom's side and isolate me from the family, at least my brother and potentially the girl he has a child with will see the reaction to it and will be fully aware of the truth.
Sorry for this incredibly long post, I would much appreciate some input on how to handle this. As you can see I'm in the problem-solving phase of processing all of it, I consider myself a strong guy and I'm confident that I can get my life back on track soon. As you also noticed from this post, the true smear campaign hasn't started yet, I'm even considering just contacting my narc and somehow delaying that campaign but I won't influence life events, I won't contact her.

I'm ready to type my entire story out, including articles and videos about narcs and giving a USB flash drive to my brother so he can get up to speed on things. As far as I know my brother doesn't even know about the gambling and he certainly doesn't know that the girl I was in love with is a narc. I will addequately warn him about my parents, that we should talk about it privately and that if he has questions that we can work through it together. I will also tell him that he is the only one I'm approaching about this and that I want to confide in him first before I take any serious action.
What can I do, please help me Am I on the right track or am I slowly going towards my own demise when it comes to family, it almost seems unavoidable. The best case scenario would be that both my brother AND my father believe me, that would mean I basicly lose my mother forever and potentially my sister. I'm more the believer that I can just go to a therapist, take control of my own life and enjoy whatever the family is. I can always decide to opt out of the family life when I'm actually stable and financially dependant on MYSELF. Right now, if my dad chooses not to pay my rent or not support me going into a new education, I'm basicly f*cked. So my theory is that it might be best to just enlighten my brother, seek some help. Confess to my parents about school, hope they just rage a little and help me out again and never truly confront them, unless I'm completely safe and sound financially and not dependant on my parents whatsoever.

One more important detail is that my parents are going on a three week vacation in about ten days. They used to go seperately, my dad with his friends and my mother with the wives of my dad's friends. They both play golf etc. They never went on a three week vacation before and if my mother is actually a narc it will probably be hell for my dad. Never did they get married but they have been together for 25 years. So I could easily tell my brother about all of it and talk about it in the three weeks that they are gone. Obviously I feel isolated, I feel like I'm dying and stressed out some of the time but I accept myself, I know I'm a good person, I know that even if my entire family turns their backs on me, I can still work for minimum wage, I can still take care of myself and I'm a very pragmatic guy. I'm sure that if I present myself correctly, I could take on opportunities with the big fish eventually. So I just keep repeating that to myself to feel sane, to feel comfortable, even in this situation.

Btw: She does have a new victim which she already acquired basicly the minute that she moved away 6 months ago or probably even a week or so before who is also from my hometown. Obviously she told lies about me and pretend me to be crazy, he always looks away when I see him. Now that she is kinda bored of him she is love bombing me again after a huge silent treatment. Now she is posting about 5 songs a week, in the beginning she was almost brutally honest about who she really is and now she is back to her love bombing self, trying to portray my soul mate again, saying that our relationship doesn't need a name because we are so connected blablabla. Obviously I won't fall for this again but that is how I know that the true smear campaign might start soon when she realizes I'm having none of it... Can't believe these kind of people exist, oh my god.
Thanks for reading, I am really grateful if anyone chooses to spend some time on this.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Raly: I read your post. But I have to admit this is all just too complicated for me to be able to understand let alone comment on very knowledgeably. I don't recall if you mentioned anywhere in here how old you are. But I presume you are an adult. To be perfectly honest, my impression is that you're drowning in your own thought processes... analyzing & re-analyzing what you've experienced, what others may have done to you, why you think it is they did what they did or said what they said, etc. And, in the meantime, your day-to-day life is slowly slipping from your grasp.

It is possible that there is a mental health diagnosis that would apply here. However I'm not knowledgeable with regard to those sorts of things. So I wouldn't know what it might be. My perspective is that perhaps the best thing you could do would be to get with a therapist &, over time, explore what it is that is going on with you & what you can do about it. This is not a one or two session activity. It is a commitment on your part to heal & to put your life back together. Of course you can talk to your brother if you want to. But he's not a mental health professional. And even if he were, he's too close... too enmeshed within the whole situation to be objective. All talking with him is likely to be, in my opinion, is another turning of the same wheel, so to speak.

I'm sorry if this comes across as harsh. It is never my intention to be so here on PC. But I've tried to give you my honest assessment of your situation to the extent I have been able to understand it. I sincerely wish you well...

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Hi and Raly
Sorry you are having such a tough time. It seems like you have a lot to process and you are very oveerwhelme. I wish i had some better advice but, for now all i can offer is my support. You do not have to go thru this alone. Please keep writing, and try to find a therapist or counselor to talk to as well. Hope you are well.

I think you should see a therapist that specializes in TRAUMA. I think that will help you so much. You're enmeshed with your family and it's not a healthy family, as you know. See a trauma therapist to help you process your entire situation. This is a top priority. Don't skip getting a trauma therapist.

Talk to your brother. That sounds like a good idea. Is there any way you can live with him? Tell him how difficult it is and it sounds like he is supportive.

The ex-girlfriend. Go complete no contact. You have a good grasp about your prior relationship with her. She will only cause you more strife. That's the last thing you need. 100% no contact.

You need to work out a plan to move out, I think. It won't be easy and I get what you're saying about the money, but your sanity is priceless. It is slowly but surely being taken from you. That is why a trauma therapist will be so helpful to you. I hope your brother can take you in. But if he can't I still think you should work towards a plan to move out of that house. I don't think your mother can love anyone but herself. She's in control of that household. I don't think staying will count for anything in her eyes. Thinking of you. Update here. Let us know how you are doing. And this is just my opinion but that is the best advice I can give you. I know a bit of these dynamics from my life. That's why my advice is so specific. Please update us soon.