[trying90]

Hello guys

I want to thank everyone for allowing this to be such an incredible resource for individuals with mental health issues as well as their loved ones.

I have been with my girlfriend for about a year now. We are each others' other halves and best friends and our relationship surely grew into something so beautiful.

She was diagnosed with BPD about six months ago after years of being undiagnosed.

About three months ago, she admitted to me that she is petrified of commitment and since she sees that as the only viable option with me has therefore avoided having sexual contact with me or anything overtly romantic for quite some time. Not necessarily because she didn't want it but because she was scared on many different levels.

Since this conversation, things have been great. We really worked on building the relationship bigger, better, and stronger, and it was going very well (I met her parents over dinner for the first time, we started being more physical again, she asked me to travel to Bali with her, and so on) until about three weeks ago when we finally had sex for the first time.

It was an incredible experience that we shared and she ended up staying the whole day afterwards, left her clothing at my apartment to pick up another time (so I suppose she didn't freak out over the action itself and run), and we spoke on about three different occasions after that (all was completely normal) until she broke up with me out of the blue and asked to just be friends.

She is always in and out of moods, maybe not only with me but in general, but she always came back in the past. This definitely seems more final.

This is incredibly sporadic, as she always claims she couldn't live without me and wouldn't want to imagine her world without me in it.

I suppose I'm just wondering if this is her feeling that final thread of attachment that our romantic relationship was missing and once she got it and enjoyed it, which made the relationship a bit more permanent and serious, she ran away knowing that commitment was possibly imminent.

It's been about a week since and I'm still struggling to put the pieces together. I love her dearly and just want the best for her and though I'm not necessarily looking to win her back over or get in touch with her again (I want her to be comfortable above all else), I guess I'm just searching for some closure on an otherwise nonsensical act.

Thanks again

trying90, welcome to PC's forums. This is a supportive community and I think your time here wil be of value.

Unfortunately, I don't have much familiarity with BPD. However, many people on these forums do - I expect that you will see replies soon. I hope they are helpful and I wish you the best. Don't forget to make time for yourself. Self-care is important, especially during times of stress.

If you have any questions or concerns, please contact a Community Liasion for assistance.

[Skeezyks]

Hello trying90: I'm afraid I could not second guess what was going on in your gf's mind. I think all you can do is to accept this for what it is & move on. Perhaps she may yet come back. However I see this is your first post here on PC... so... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!