[BuffySummersTVS]

I'm going to try to explain this in as small of a nutshell as I can...
My dad and I had always been really close, for as long as I can remember my dad had it really tough. That is until I realized my dad had been piling all of his emotional issues onto me essentially since the day I could speak in proper sentences.
It started off with him pitting my mom and I against one another for most of my young life though my teen years, but then when I was about 18 it turned into more. It wasn't just my mom and random people on the street or at his work that were "awful" it was now a girl and her family.
My dad expressed an interest in a girl at his gym that didn't end up working out in his favor. He said it was fine and he had just hoped he hadn't embarrassed her. That quickly changed when he began saying that her family was now harassing him. Slashing his tires, throwing rocks at my dog, mocking him, etc. Now, seven years later he believes that thousands of people are in cahoots to make his life miserable, stalk and gaslight him.
I had believed my dad was this terrible victim that just couldn't seem to catch a break for 22 years of my life. One day, just after having graduated college I expressed to my mom that I thought all of this was going too far and I felt awful but I didn't know if I believed my dad about all these things. (He had started telling me he thought that the TV at the gym was playing movies and commercials directing subliminal messages at him about him being a bad person) I have never seen my mom cry, but that day she came pretty close to it. She hugged me and said she was so glad I was finally starting to see it and that she had a lot of things to tell me.
My dad had always been an over-sharer in addition to all the sadness he piled onto me in our weekends together and in 3 hour long phones calls where he just talked at me. He had shared with me about all the partying he did as a young teen. All the hallucinogenic drugs he did without a care in the world. He told me about the party where he drank out of a cup with a hand full of LSD tabs at the bottom. He told me about the brothel he went to while he was in the army. He told me about the time he got roofied and beaten and woke up in a hospital and needed my mom to come get him (after they were divorced in the city my mom and I live in an hour away from where he was living). He shared all these things with me and I - as his only child - never wanted or needed to know any of this.
My mom, over the course of the past three years (so as not to overwhelm me)has informed me of all the terrible things she went through with my dad. He was terrible to her parents and her sisters, he would complain about people constantly staring at him when they weren’t. He left my mom alone with a 5-year-old (me) at her best friend’s wedding without a word because someone was staring at him funny, he was sneaking drinks. It goes on, but these reasons, all these things were why my parents had gotten divorced. It all made sense now. I have to say though; the most painful thing for me came down to 2 things,
1. The fact that he purposefully ruined my relationship with my mom for so many years. That I though my mom was embarrassed to have been stuck with me as her child. That I was such a disappointment to her when none of it was ever true. (We now have a wonderful relationship)
2. That I now have no idea what is truth and what is make believe in ANYTHING my dad has EVER told me, my whole life.
My dad now lives in a very rural town in another state. He has been unemployed for five years because he thinks every job interview he gets is a scam set up by these people that have been harassing him since that girl turned him down. He thinks people are bugging his home, following him, coordinating their outfits as “gang signs”, he thinks that these people think he is immoral because he’s unmarried and liked to drink beer.
He has brought a baseball bat into public places and threatened people. He relies on my grandma for all his income (she is now almost out of money because she fully supports BOTH of her adult sons). But the worst part of it all – he has NO clue this isn’t real. He firmly believes all of this. He has even accused me of being a part of it. He had completely isolated himself. I am so scared for him.
I want to be mad at him. I want to tell him this isn’t real and that I hate that he gave me self-esteem problems and that he made me think my mom hated me for so many years. I can’t though. I don’t even talk to my friends about my dad anymore because I don’t want them to judge him. I don’t want them to think he’s crazy because he, for some reason, cannot help thinking this is real. It’s too much for me to deal with anymore though. I barely talk to him on the phone anymore because when I do we talk for 3 hours (still) and it’s all him talking AT me about these people and how hard his life is. I can’t tell my dad if I have had a bad day because it’s never as bad as his. My mom and boyfriend tell me there may come a time where I need to cut him out of my life, but I can’t do that. If I cut him off, he’ll have no one and that would just break my heart. I’m just at a loss for what to do because neither his brother nor my grandma are willing to try to get him help and I know he’ll never listen to me. He’ll accuse me of being a part of this mania he thinks is running his life.
I just don’t know what to do for him, for our relationship, and for myself…

[LucyG]

It sounds like your dad has some very serious mental health issues possibly along the lines of schizophrenia or a personality disorder. Do some research on the subject and see if you find things that sound like how your father behaves. If you do, it will help you make sense of what you're going through.

My sister has what I believe is a personality disorder. Hef life is far worse than anyone else's, and it's almost like she's happy it is. My elderly mother has to support her as she has so many physical and mental health issues she hasn't been able to work for years. I've done all I can for her to no avail. Realizing she has a personality disorder helps me deal with the guilt of watching her life fall apart because she won't help herself. I feel your pain.

[BuffySummersTVS]

Originally Posted by LucyG

My sister has what I believe is a personality disorder. Her life is far worse than anyone else's, and it's almost like she's happy it is. My elderly mother has to support her as she has so many physical and mental health issues she hasn't been able to work for years. I've done all I can for her to no avail.

Thank you so much for your response. I can wholeheartedly related to what you have been through with you sister, especially when you said it's almost like she is happy her life (to her) is worse off than anyone else's. That sounds so much like my dad's outlook.
I've done a good amount of research and I took a lot of Psychology classes through all of my schooling well through college and I kept a lot of my books so I used those as resources as well. My best assumption from all of my readings is that he suffers from Paranoid Personality Disorder (PPD) which is actually a quite common Personality Disorder. It is defined as:
People with PPD are always on guard, believing that others are constantly trying to demean, harm, or threaten them. These generally unfounded beliefs, as well as their habits of blame and distrust, might interfere with their ability to form close relationships. People with this disorder:
People with PPD are always on guard, believing that others are constantly trying to demean, harm, or threaten them. These generally unfounded beliefs, as well as their habits of blame and distrust, might interfere with their ability to form close relationships. People with this disorder:
Doubt the commitment, loyalty, or trustworthiness of others, believing others are using or deceiving them
Are reluctant to confide in others or reveal personal information due to a fear that the information will be used against them
Are unforgiving and hold grudges
Are hypersensitive and take criticism poorly
Read hidden meanings in the innocent remarks or casual looks of others
Perceive attacks on their character that are not apparent to others; they generally react with anger and are quick to retaliate
Have recurrent suspicions, without reason, that their spouses or lovers are being unfaithful
Are generally cold and distant in their relationships with others, and might become controlling and jealous
Cannot see their role in problems or conflicts and believe they are always right
Have difficulty relaxing
Are hostile, stubborn, and argumentative

When I came across this disorder it was the only one that I felt really hit the nail on the head with a majority of my dad's actions and reactions to everything and everyone. I don't think I'll ever be able to get him the help he needs, he had taken it upon himself to diagnose the "people" who harass him as being narcissists, gas lighters, and the like.
I'm so sorry for your mother, I can only imagine what this all must be like for her. My grandmother doesn't even know the half of what is going on with my dad because she just gets so overwhelmed and heartbroken every time we talk about my dad. She's going to have to sell the house she's lived in for the past 46 years because she can't afford to keep up with it anymore because my dad has depleted the rest of her savings.
It's really nice to hear from someone who can relate to suck a terrible situation, only my mom and my serious boyfriend know the full extent of everything with my dad. It's hard for my mom because she and my dad haven't been together for fifteen plus years because of his inability to be around her friends/family and because of the way he treated her but she hates that because he is my dad that I can't so easily remove myself from the situation because I love him and I know if I stop seeing him or talking to him so much he won't have anyone anymore and that breaks my heart.