[flydaisy]

Hello, I have severe depression and am on disability. I struggle everyday with fighting suicidal thoughts, but I am doing the best I can. I am able to get out and about and care for myself.

My mother lives in the same city as me. She is getting older and is starting to show signs of forgetfulness/memory loss, personality changes.

I'm wondering what will happen when she gets worse. I cannot take care of her, I struggle as it is. I only have one sibling that we have not seen in many years who lives far away.. Our only other relative is dying of cancer. She has no friends and no ties in the community, no groups, organizations, nothing.

I guess my question is, this seems to be getting worse, and she is denying it, what do i do in a situation like this? If the only child/relative in the area has their own mental illness to deal with what happens?

Thank you for any help!

[TishaBuv]

She'll go into assisted living or a nursing home.

I'm dealing with this issue with my parents too.

They'll live independently until they can't care for themselves, then they'll go into care. When their money runs out, Medicaid kicks in.

[gayleggg]

Tisha is right. That's what happened to my dad. I hope your mother doesn't get any worse for now. Good luck.

[flydaisy]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

She'll go into assisted living or a nursing home.

I'm dealing with this issue with my parents too.

They'll live independently until they can't care for themselves, then they'll go into care. When their money runs out, Medicaid kicks in.

Thank you, but I mean, who determines that she should go there? She will not even see her primary care doctor. Who arranges for it? I have severe depression, am under great stress have to keep track of my own bills, etc. It is a lot for me to handle my own illness. She seems to be fading fast and we have no one, friends, relatives etc.

I am disabled on SSDI.

[TishaBuv]

How is she right now? Does she live alone, take care of herself? Does she have assets? A will? A living will?

Do you know her primary care doctor? Can you get them to discuss your mother with you? Do you have your mother's consent?

If so, I'd start by speaking to her doctor about how this process works.

If she is losing herself to dementia, won't leave the house, can't care for herself, I can only presume someone checks in on her. Will the electric company shut the power if she doesn't pay the bill? Will she go out and lose her way home?

If you can get her to an attorney and she is sharp enough to make a plan, that would be a good idea.

[flydaisy]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

How is she right now? Does she live alone, take care of herself? Does she have assets? A will? A living will?

Thank you so much for your reply.

She lives in a 1brdm apt. She has some in savings. She has a will, but it is financial, not mentioning how she wants to be cared for other than upon death.

[/quote]Do you know her primary care doctor? Can you get them to discuss your mother with you? Do you have your mother's consent?[/quote]

I don't know her doctor and she rarely sees even her primary doc. She is physically very healthy.

I'm disabled under SSDI and unable to work. It is hard for me to take care of my own daily things (bills, etc) but I try. My meds to treat my depression exhaust me. I'm disabled to the point of not able to help in her daily functioning if she gets worse. My depression has been so bad I've been hospitalized myself.

[/quote]If she is losing herself to dementia, won't leave the house, can't care for herself, I can only presume someone checks in on her. Will the electric company shut the power if she doesn't pay the bill? Will she go out and lose her way home?[/quote]

No, there is no one but me. She is able to function but the forgetfulness seems to be happening more and more. It seems to be speeding up.

[/quote]If you can get her to an attorney and she is sharp enough to make a plan, that would be a good idea.[/quote]

She doesn't want to plan for care.

I guess my question comes down to..what to do if it's just me and I am also disabled? I am struggling to take care of myself? I haven't known anyone in this situation before. Thank you.

[TishaBuv]

https://www.nia.nih.gov/alzheimers/f...eir-caregivers

I found this site as a good place for you to at least ask someone who can help you figure all this out.

[flydaisy]

I just saw your reply. Thank you!!

[misscath007]

I lived with my dad during the time that he was dealing with alzheimer's. It was a very slow decline and he didn't start to get really bad until the last 2 years. I was not on disability at the time struggling to hold a job and waiting for my disability to come through.

Because his decline was slow, we had a chance to plan for him. My sister became his POA and handled all his finances. He had to stop driving. He couldn't handle a lot of things he used to, and he could not be alone.

During this time, I lived with him more out of necessity but also because he could not be alone. We also had some help through the VA, Would I do it again? No. It took a huge toll on me emotionally. I loved my dad but he turned into a very moody, angry man, the opposite of the sweet man he used to be.

During this whole time I was dealing with severe depression and went through 2 hospitializations. I had my sister to fall back on, but I was still the one who had to deal with dad. I would not advise you to do this unless you have no choice. We got to the point where we were looking at nursing homes but my dad passed shortly thereafter.

I am now on disability and living on my own.