[autumn15]

My mother has many traits which frustrate me. I know that many parents have trouble really getting to know their children once they become adults but she honestly doesn't listen to a word I say and seems to have little genuine interest in me.

It makes me wonder what the point is in even spending time with her. I even dread her phone calls. She will just talk incessantly in detail about her daily life and things she saw on tv, the news, the radio, I can't get a word in and when I do, she just interrupts and keeps going. It is draining and makes me feel like she doesn't really care about anything I have to say or have an interest in me as a person.

She also has a bad habit of interrupting other conversations to put her two cents in to make it about herself or to make her seem like the 'expert'. Usually what she says is not relevant to where the discussion was so it just derails it completely. I have realised that there is a reason why I tend to be a very quiet, reserved person. She has stifled me my whole life!

Another thing is that she will never take any form of criticism well. She is great at dishing it out, making people feel utterly worthless when they make even a small mistake (berating you in a 'joking' way but not letting it go). When she makes an error we tend to just let it go to avoid conflict. Otherwise she gets really angry.

I never disagree with anything she says anymore because it will just end up with her getting really annoyed and using it against me somehow.

I always believed that she was a very loving person and that she was just extra sensitive but recently, I'm wondering if she doesn't know what it means to truly care about others. She creates drama out of nothing, just to get people's attention. She puts herself on a pedestal and cannot ever let anyone else be the champion in the conversation. She is always the most important.

It points to narcissism right?

[Fractured Infant]

Wow. In my opinion you have come to the right place. If you do not know much about NPD you made a very accurate and detailed description of many of the observable behaviours. I have not been diagnosed officially, however your mother sounds exactly like my father. I have recently discovered that all the emotional issues that I have struggled with my whole life and the absolute destruction I have created in my intimate relationships is all related to this. Unfortunately I exhibit all the traits of NPD.

What advice can I give you? I don't know your age but I think a very healthy distance and limited to no contact at least for some time is very useful in allowing you to 'normalize' and get out from under the shadow. I commend you on discovering this early, I am in my 40s!
You should also watch for signs of how this may have effected you. In my case I became like my father, in my sisters case she became more CoD different but equally destructive. I would say NPD is more harmful to others while CoD is more harmful to self based what little I know. The funny thing is we both kind of isolated ourselves so something that would be very helpful regardless is to maintain strong health relationships with other supportive people. I have realized this is what I have been missing for so long, I wish I had discovered it sooner. Hope this is of some use!