Overcoming narcissistic abuse

How does one do it? How does one truly heal?

The love bombing, the game playing and trickery, the gaslighting, the manipulation, the severe abuse, the eventual discard with no apology, no ownership and zero remorse. The despicable utterly viciously harmful things that were said that should never be said. The atrociousness of it all.

How does one truly heal and get past it all?

How does one stop needing and wanting sweet revenge for the pain that was inflicted?

What profound and timely questions you pose. I am so grateful to you for your post., Have Hope.

I am not a very wise person, but I think it takes time and effort to get over trauma like narcissistic abuse. Time can sometimes, not always, produce a beneficial effect on a person.

Since getting stuck re-living trauma can spoil peace and joy of living in the present, I think it helps to try to get over it because otherwise, the poison of abuse in the past continues to poison the present.

Getting over anything isn't easy. Sometimes it a heroic to even make a little progress. Often it is heroic just to struggle against something that is making one feel bad. The struggle itself is a moral victory regardless of the outcome, I think.

A lot of destructive narcissists do not operate out of pure malice. Often they are influenced by powerful forces, such as mental illness. Mental illness can profoundly limit insight and the full exercise of freedom of will.

Internal suffering can cause people to lash out at others in hurtful ways. A rabid dog will bite the person who feeds it. In a way, it is not the dog who is biting, but the disease.

I grew up with a narcissistic parent. It took me a long time to see how much their illness caused their hurtful and harmful behavior. This person victimized me but as I got older I saw how they too were victims whose freewill was impeded and warped by illness.

These are just opinions. I am not very knowledgeable or wise and it is quite possible I am wrong about what I have written above. I hope you will get lots of responses to your post and that others here will have better and more helpful words than mine.

I am so, very, very sorry you are suffering!

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate your heartfelt thoughts. Though I disagree with the statement that a lot of destructive narcissists don't act of out of pure malice. They do out of pure malice. That is their trademark. They intentionally set out to destroy other people, very deliberately and on purpose, especially those who threaten their grandiose self esteem. They are malicious, and it's not due to mental illness. So I disagree with you there.

But I thank you for your kind thoughts, nonetheless.

Being on the receiving end of narc abuse is definitely damaging, in far reaching ways, and more than I ever could have imagined.

I’ve experienced what you describe, but I’m not sure about if I would call what I suffered “severe abuse”, or what you consider that to be.

1. If it’s not “severe abuse”, You try to have empathy and forgive that person. Humans are very flawed. (I’m considering “severe abuse” to be rape, murder, and similar...actually I had a date rape and aren’t even mad.)

2. They will get punished somewhere down the road. Karma’s a B. You don’t have to do anything, they will get theirs as they have it coming.

By severe abuse I mean someone who is just pure evil, with their emotions and with their words. Severe verbal abuse, I guess I am referring to.

Thank you for your reply and thoughts. I cannot have empathy for the person... only disgust and disdain. I will never forgive them either.

Karma may have to be the way, given those two options.

Good topic

My father was narcissistic which caused C-PTSD.

I know how it feels to be constantly emotionally abused, however recovery will happen in time. You cannot change the past, but you can change the present. Don't waste any time thinking on them.

here's a video that I found helpful:

I suspect my mother and sister have NDP.

I tried committing suicide when I was 16 and that wasn't enough to make a dent in my mother's behaviour towards me. It just brought her shame and embarrassment.. how "dare I"? It was never discussed then nor for the next 30 years.. ever.. from ANYONE.

I agonized over her bitterness, lack of empathy and support, her disinterest in my life.. communication was horrible.. all the typical traits.. you get it.

When I was approaching 40, I finally had the 'A-Ha' moment when I realized about NDP. Whether I was right or wrong, this thinking saved me. I was able to understand her better and not internalize her behaviours. I stopped wondering why she "hated" me or never "loved" me.. etc. I started keeping low contact with her which escalated her behaviours against me.. but I needed peace of mind.

Now I mostly feel ok about her. I don't live with her so it's easier, and I mostly communicate with her via emails.

I know she had a hard life. I've wondered if her mother had NDP, as well, so it gives me a bit of empathy and understanding towards her.

I think what's hardest for me is feeling like I'm surrounded by people with NDP. They all have very similar toxic personalities.. my partner, an ex friend, a neighbour. I know that's common when being raised by a parent with this disorder but it definitely makes me think maybe I'm the problem. What are the odds, here?

Sorry... but what is NDP? Do you mean NPD? Narcissistic personality disorder?

I guess distancing is the best thing to do. We do end up in relationships that are familiar to us, for good or bad.

My ex is a malignant narcissist, according to my therapist. The kind that will deliberately set out to hurt and destroy a person. I have moved on, but honestly, I hate him for what he did to me.

Yes.. sorry.