I feel.my.families pain

I am only 45. Yet have a diagnosis similar to that of dementia. My symptoms are of those the same as dementia and my family cannot cope.

So at 45 I am.having to live the rest of my life as if I have dementia, it was a ratio based decision, all family members and those that knew me got to together and came up with the diagnosis. A few of them happen to be in the mental health industry, I'm sure one family member is a pharmacist abroad. So they firmly believe I have dementia. I was trialed on an experimental drug named audition an. Anti psychotic. There was no change, if anything my symptoms worsened.

To have that burden of a mum on them is the worse feeling ever. My.children nomlonher feel like children anymore. They feel like support workers just doing a job. I am too much to bear. The subtle jibes about my condition. I don't know why the decision wasn't made years ago to stop this endless suffering to just hospice me. I haven't had much of a life for 5 years.

So I have to stay away for their own good. What's the point in carrying on relationships if the end is so soon? That's what it feels like staring at deaths door. To stay positive is a hard task so rarely does anyone want my company. I have more often on not painted on a brave face. But maybe people can tell and it is off putting.

It's very embarrassing now that my children see me more of a chore than a mother. Living as if Inna care home at my age is beyond words. I am not completely brain-dead, instill feel, I have felt my self wishing I was brain-dead atleast that way I wouldn't not feel anything anymore. True enough feelings, maybe somewhere out there someone feels this way. Why is this attention seeking, is asking for advice and friends attention seeking? I've been told this countless times but in truth all I want is a friend that genuinely wants tonne my friends and not be doing it as a job or something sort of bet. ? Or is that better than nothing at all. I do appreciate company if they enjoy my company. But lately people are not enjoying my company probably because it's coming up toma.difficult month for me where at one point I was happy in my life.

Does anyone relate to this feeling?

I am so very, very sorry you are in that situation. How heartbreaking. Wish I knew what to say that would be helpful. I am 70 and not in good health but I am not bearing the crushing burdens that you are. My heart goes out to you!

It sounds like your family came up with the diagnosis if I am reading you right. If so you might try to get a professional to test you for other conditions that may emulate dementia but are treatable medical conditions.

CANDC

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