[letgo]

He is dying and he's in constant pain. Everything I do is wrong and I'm sick of it. I'm not perfect and I don't pretend to be, but give me a break. He needs me to focus on so he can walk down the stairs, but he finds fault in everything I do. I'm too slow, I don't walk right, I don't comb my hair to his standards. I can't talk. How much more can I take. I work, he can't but he is constantly telling me what and how I should do everything. Life is too short to deal with him naging me 24 hrs a day, everyday. What can I do? I've tried leaving him only to get my *** beat when I returned. He won't go to a nursing home, so he calls me all day so he can nag me. God help me. I'm at the end of my rope with nothing to hang on to.

[Sad In TX]

If he is dying, then you need to see about getting a hospice nurse or something. I'm so sorry for what you are going through, but you can get help. If he keeps treating you like this, I would let him know that you are looking into a nursing home as you can't seem to care for him any longer. I know it sucks, but yeah - you can't keep living waiting for his death.
Let him know you love him, but you won't take his abuse anymore. You have to stand up to him, or you will never find peace, especially when he does die. You don't want to bitter to him as to how he treated you in this life, so tell him you can't take care of him. You love him dearly, but you are not able to take care of him anymore.

[letgo]

Originally Posted by Sad In TX

If he is dying, then you need to see about getting a hospice nurse or something. I'm so sorry for what you are going through, but you can get help. If he keeps treating you like this, I would let him know that you are looking into a nursing home as you can't seem to care for him any longer. I know it sucks, but yeah - you can't keep living waiting for his death.
Let him know you love him, but you won't take his abuse anymore. You have to stand up to him, or you will never find peace, especially when he does die. You don't want to bitter to him as to how he treated you in this life, so tell him you can't take care of him. You love him dearly, but you are not able to take care of him anymore.

Thank you for the suggestion. I wish it was that easy. I havd told him that and he set on me staying with him. Sometimes, he totaly forget where he is and needs constant care. He will fall down the stairs and really hurt himself not that he hasn't already. The last time he was changing the tire on the care and the car slipped off the jack and fell on his wrist now it is broken. Naturally he blames me for not being there to stop him from leaving the house. Hospices and nursing homes really don't take care of you but he doesn't respond to that. He much rather stay in his house and die. That is his wish.

[bebop]

I take it he is still mobile? how long are they giving him hon? I would not tolerate being abused like that. hospice is a great program. they do take excellent care of patients. I am really sorry you are going thru this. is it your husband?

[madisgram]

i agree with bebop....can you contact hospice? they are a wonderful group of people.. you at least need a break from time to time. i know. i caretake a severely mentally ill person. we need that mental health break or we will burn out. i'm sorry he is not willing to appreciate your efforts to help him.
one thing i learned is i had to put very firm boudaries in place if i was to continue caretaking my loved one. he will still try to "break" the rules but i do not bend. the reason is because i found that when i agreed to let him do something that was not a usual thing he then would insist he get to do it again.
your situation is different but when you can have a few moments i'd start writing down what you expect from him. since he's not mentally ill but physically ill he can reason more. sounds like he is mad at the world cause he's ill. perhaps he needs a support group to attend to talk about what's going on with him. it appears he'd be resistant but this is one of the expectations you can place with him in order to contnue caretaking him.
is his income low enough that perhaps you can assistence from your county government to also provide you some down time and he have a companion or attend a community center?
don't know if any of these thoughts might help you but i hope there's something you can take from my experiences. you cannot continue dealing with the situation where he's dictating to you how things will always be done or not done.
hope you will keep us posted on how YOU are doing.

[thunderbear]

So sorry to hear that you are going through all that. The others are right Hospice is great. They have a really good respite care program. That way you are still his priamary caregiver but you can take a few hours away to be with yourself. I learned you really do have to take care of you to take care of others. Try giving them a call.

[I_WMD]

He much rather stay in his house and die. That is his wish.

letgo ,, If you have a friend or relative that has granted that wish to their other-half ,, see if he will get some insight as to what that is going to do to you , mentally .
But if you take that on , watching till his last breath , ,,, , him maybe being lucid for the last 12 hours ,, or up to that time prior to his passing .

What ,?, if I may ask is his condition due to ?

WMD.
Take easy care of Yourself letgo .

[wind]

He is asking too much of you, and he more than likely can't help it. That doesn't help you to know that. You need support and respite, time off to remember that right now, you are not the one who is dying.

Sometimes when times are overwhelming for me, I have to break down the day. Instead of one day at a time, I have to sometimes do one moment at a time. One breath, and I have to do all I can to be healthy.

Letting his insults and irritation roll off you is easier said than done. Please remember that caring for yourself and admitting your human limitations is healthy and appropriate.

Take care,

wind