new at this

me and my husband have been together for 16 years, 12 of which we have been married. recently their was a noticable change in his behavior. he seemed to be withdrawn, and easily made mad. he would one minute be he usual happy self, the next he would be on the verge of tears. i talked him into going to the doctor. they have diagnosed him with an anxiety disorder. they put him on lexapro and told me that within two weeks i would be able to see a difference in him. in a month he would start to feel better. today makes our first full week on the meds. i never realized before how anxiety/depression could effect a family. we have two small children who doesn't understand why he is pulling away from them. when he comes home from work, i thank god that he has made it home. i worry that he is going to give hisself a heart attack or stroke (he is on blood pressure meds). but the relief that he has made it home, is quickly replaced with dread. i don't know what mood he will be in. some nights he is almost his "normal" self. other nights he won't talk or eat, he just sits in the living room staring at the tv. i keep trying to give him the pep talks that he seems to need. usually after one of our talks he says he feels better. nothing has happened in our life to trigger the anixety or depression. it just came out of the blue. he worries about some things that i don't understand why he is worrying about them. i never tell him this though. i feel like it will do more damage if i talk to him negatively. i just feel like i am alone in this. sometimes i feel over- whelmed. i am trying to keep our home life from falling apart. i just would like to talk to someone who has been through this and can give me some advice on how to juggle all of this. how to keep the positive supporting attitude i need to help him and my children through this. please help.

hi may and welcome to pc. i believe you will find the support you need here. this is a very caring community. the good news is your hubby has gotten the help he needs and is on meds. u didn't mention if he was also seeing a therapist and this may help him to talk thru some of the things that have brought this on. a therapist can offer coping skills also so when a flag is raised that triggers the depression and anxiety your hubby will have some "tools" to deal with it. i feel therapy has helped me almost if not the same as the meds i take. hope things improve as the medicine gets more therauputic in his system...you should notice an improvemnt within 28 days max. in the meantime your loving spirit will help your hubby. he's in great need right now of patience. it is not easy dealing with these conditions but in time he will get better. hope he'll consider the therapy. i really do believe it will help him in my umble opinion. in the meantime please keep us posted. we care how you are doing too.

thanks for your comment. i have tried to get him to go to therapy. he refuses. i went to therapy after my dad died. it really helped me and i tried to tell him that i think it would help him too. in the mail yesterday, he got his lab results back from the doctor. they put him on a D3 supplement. today when he called from work to check in with me, we were talking about our son. they had dental exams at school today, i was there to take our daughter her lunch, anyway our son has a cavity. no big deal. i came home called the dentist and made an appt. for next week. i was telling my husband about this and he just go so depressed. it seems like i can't even talk to him about even the smallest of things without it having a negative effect on him. i miss talking to him about things that are going on in my life. he is my best friend. i just miss him. it is so hard because i feel like i am alone with all of this to deal with. i know no matter how i feel, it is nothing compared to the way he is feeling. thanks for listening.

Hey, May, welcome! I am new here and at this as well. It sounds alot to me though that his stress is about financial matters and work. i know that right now is a highly stressful work environment and the prices of everything going up. it makes the normal challenge of keeping up with the budget nearly impossible. my wife makes out a budget but due to the price hikes (and yes i don't make a whole lot of money so it's tight anyway) she had to re-make that budget 6 times in a month just to adjust for new fees and price hikes. if he is handling the budget or works with you on it, he may be seeing the impacts. best thing to do is to keep it impressed upon him that you and he are in this together work, i know for me is painfully stressful, the company i work for has shut down at least 2 sites and sent them over seas, any more than that i can't say due to privacy crap, but i know that i have to do what is asked / instructed of me no matter my opinion of the matter etc because if i lose my job, it will kill us financially not to mention the commutes that would be needed just to get to a new job. so if he is seeing this all around him, yeah it can be a big weight and sometimes it feels unreal. It goes back to the fight or flight stuff in human nature. short term most people cope really well, but long term can wear down the strongest of us, but beleive me, just being a stable rock your husband can turn to helps him immensly. If he is like me and doesn't talk much ( i know, you can't tell from my reply, eh?) he may not take the time to let you know how much he appreciates it and how much it helps.