[nightdream]

Hi dear friend,

How are you doing lately? I know you are fighting your avoidancy and I think you are doing good here.

I hope that you are ok! Take care of yourself! We care for you here!

(((((((((((((((((((Mandy))))))))))))))))))))

nightdream

Hi Nightdream,

Thanks so much for thinking of me-- you're so kind.

Yes, I'm fighting it for sure-- that tape is ever repeating, saying " you shouldn't post- your opinions are dumb- OR - certainly don't start a thread, you know your thinking that no one cares, will just be realized once again"-- Oh, how I hate these tapes!! I am ignoring them somewhat-- trying to anyway.

But I slipped back yesterday and let the tapes keep me from starting a thread- I even wrote to an administrator and was given the go ahead to post it..... but, alas..... I failed I couldn't ignore the fear of being thought of in a negative way.

Sometimes I just want to disappear from this earth as the inner-struggle seems insurmountable and I fear most people don't understand. Being understood is so important to me--- wonder if it should be?? The thing is I'm not so good at voicing how I feel and what's going on in my life -- so of course people aren't going to understand- how can they, if they don't know--- but yet fearing if I do voice things then I'll either paint an inaccurate picture as I'm not used to voicing -( I've been told I minimize things), or- I'll be invalidated for feeling the way I do. ( which I KNOW wouldn't happen here-- just can't convince my heart that it won't)

Anyway, thanks so much Nightdream- once again-you made my day a bit brighter- I'm glad you came back and are posting. I hope you are doing good today my friend!!

Mandy

[nightdream]

Dear friend,

I know these words very well too. That "voice".

But I think you do express yourself very good. It's just the voice who is saying you don't. I understand that you have a hard time putting your feelings into words as I do too. We are used to hide our feelings: "Do not tell". People here understand and if they don't they will ask you questions so to understand better what you do mean.

Just write what you can for now, what you feel confortable with and please don't listen to that voice. I'm trying not to either. I am here for you and I care.

Oh and don't read what you wrote over and over again before you click the "continue button" or you will never click it.

((((((((((((((((Mandy))))))))))))))))

nightdream

2b1better, i've never, ever had a negative thought about your posts. i'm surprised that you would think that. i understand why, my point is that you post very intelligently and in a loving way.....xoxo pat

Oh, Pat you are so kind- thanks for saying those things.

Funny thing about personality disorders.... when someone is saying things about you-- you feel like they are most certainly mistaken and have you confused with someone else!! For myself with avoidant personality disorder --it's especially hard if it's something nice! Gee-- maybe I just need more practice receiving compliments-- hint-- hint-- LOL!!!

Wishing you happiness and all the best in your upcoming venture!! ( relocating and new job)

Mandy

[Kathyanita]

I will always value your kindness. . .

Thank you Kathyanita.

Please let me say, if I can be half the compassionate and insightful " teacher " that you are, I would be most gracious! I may not always post much, but I'm always here reading and have learned many things from you.

Thank You,

Mandy