[sara1010]

A few weeks ago I was grocery shopping with the hubby at our favorite store and I experienced something I have never felt before. I was off getting something a few aisles away from my spouse and suddenly realized there was a commotion going on nearby. A 3 yr old boy was screaming and crying while seated in the grocery cart, and a woman, about 28 years old or so was trying to calm him. It wasn't working so she took him out of the seat and set him on the floor after trying to hold him because he was struggling against it. Now I have a full view of this and was close enough to hear some of what she said and she told him this, 'If you don't be calm, you won't see your mother tonight' How terrible! And that's when it started to do something to me. Just a little bit. What really did a number on me was when she went to take the purple onion (yes a softball sized onion) from him. He had scooped this onion up when she took him out of the cart and had been clutching this thing to his chest all the while.

So she reached down to take it, he hung onto it, she grabbed the onion with both hands and with much difficulty, pulled it away from his grasp. Oh man, this was the worst, for the little guy and me, he started to scream even louder and she gripped the onion, he went up on his tippy-toes, arms stretching upward, trying to retain possession of what he thought was his. So what about me? At the point he went up on his toes, the tears started to well up and my throat tightened, and feelings of loss swept over me as I watched it all. I KNEW what that little boy was feeling, the terror and fear I felt in that few moments caught me by surprise and I had to quickly walk away to stop a full flood of tears right there in the store. I think my hubby realized something was wrong by the look on his face, but he didn't ask thankfully, as I would have cried for sure.

Later I thought about the thoughts that ran through my mind as I watched this unfold, and was even surprised about those. I had wanted to gather that little boy up in my arms and tell him he was loved and that he was OK.

About a week after this happened, I told my supervisor about it and had to close the door of her office because I knew, just knew, there would be a full release of my grief for this little boy. Though in hindsight, as I talked with her, I realized I was not grieving for the boy, but for myself. That little boy allowed me to be the little girl for a moment in time, and cry with him. It will never be forgotten.

Sara,

What a very sad thing you saw-- that poor little guy...
I am also triggered by witnessing things as you did-- except I occassionally go into a rage and end up in a scuffle or argument with the adult-- which only makes me feel worse---

I think it's very insightful of you to realize that you were feeling those feelings for the little girl inside you that felt as the little boy did. I hope you can take that little girl and let her know how she deserves to be loved and is very special.

mandy

((((((((((((((((Sara)))))))))))))))))

I understand that you have been triggered by this. I would have been too. What awful words to say to a child.

To have reliased that you were grieving for yourself and for the little boy is good though in a way. You have close connection with your inner child. But I'm sorry for the little guy and yourself.

Some adults do not reliased how damaging words and actions can be to a child.

time0

[sara1010]

I know, it was sad. I think about how that little guy is going to be affected by this woman's action later in life. Very sad.

Yes it wasn't until later that evening I realized why it hit me so hard. And it also brings to mind that recently I have been observing wee children in stores, etc., and how they act. Which is really opposite to what I was once like, basically didn't give a hoot and was turned off by little kids who were either brought into the workplace or passed by on the street or in public places. I wonder what's going on in that little mind .......sigh.........

It was good to tell my supervisor, to get it out to someone in person. I suppose to witness my tears. She's very understanding as she has had much the same treatment in her youth as well. Telling it here is also good, as I think it might help someone else to realize what they have shut off.



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2b1better said:
Sara,

What a very sad thing you saw-- that poor little guy...
I am also triggered by witnessing things as you did-- except I occassionally go into a rage and end up in a scuffle or argument with the adult-- which only makes me feel worse---

I think it's very insightful of you to realize that you were feeling those feelings for the little girl inside you that felt as the little boy did. I hope you can take that little girl and let her know how she deserves to be loved and is very special.

mandy

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[sara1010]

Time, it was a good thing to experience as it made me feel empathy not only for the child I watched, it also gave me the opportunity to bring a similar pain to the surface and observe its actions on me, and allow me to deal with it with my Adult self.

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time0 said:
But I'm sorry for the little guy and yourself.


time0

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[SeptemberMorn]

Sara, the same thing happened to me about 8 yrs ago. Only this was between my daughter and her oldest son. He had acted out and yes, he needed discipline, but something about the last bit of it triggered me. She had him sit in front of his cousin and she told him what to say in way of an apology, but the words he said, he had NO CLUE what they meant. This was only part of the discipline but I won't go into the first part of it. When that poor baby, who was 4 or 5, started repeating her words, I started sobbing so hard I had to walk out of the house and could not go back in to save my life. I sat on the curb next to her van and sobbed so hard! My heart was broken for my grandson. I could feel the humiliation he was feeling. I had been humiliated quite a bit as a child. I could still scream when I think of it.

[90mphINneutral]

OMG that is soo sad. I even had a few tears running down my cheeks while reading that. If I were there I probably would of started some drama. That was a very touching story..... I need a tissue now.