is there a name for this "quirk?"

My mother and sister do this thing that drives me nuts. When I try to explain to others what it is, I have to resort to giving a number of examples of it as I don't know what it's called. They all get it from the examples, but I'd really like to know if it has a name. I've been searching the net and that brought me here, so here goes...of course, to tell you, I have to resort to an example, lol.

I.E. if I say I hate the color blue, they will accuse me of criticizing them. They take what I say and then think something like...well if he hates blue then he must hate my blue dresses. And if he hates my blue dresses, he must think I look ghastly in them. How dare he tell me I look ghastly in those blue dresses. And then they ask me "Why are you always criticizing me??? "

another example...I can express an opinion about something not related to either of them, say, comment on a dress in a store window. If I say 'who ever made this has no taste,' and they thought differently, they claim I've criticized them (or vice versa). When, again, I point out that I did not criticize them, they'll say something like "well I liked the dress, so if you thought whoever made it was tasteless, then you think I'm tasteless, too."

Get it? Great, now what's that called?
Doug

Hi, 44HkDugW, welcome to PsychCentral.

I see what you mean (by your examples :-) but I am not sure your mother and sister are wholly to blame for their assuming you are criticizing them even though you don't mean what you say that way. It's a common enough communications error but I think your "blue" example leads a little to be imagined? I kind of doubt you say "I hate blue" out in the middle of nowhere but probably when they are wearing their blue dress and ask you how you like it?

It could be that you respond to something in a way that they take wrong but could also be that what you respond to sets that up a bit by not being what is "asked". A little more politics might be necessary on your part with "I like that dress even though I don't usually like the color blue" or, "The dress looks great on you but I, personally, don't care for the color".

The only thing that "I hate blue" is a good answer for is, "Do you like blue?" or, "What is your least favorite color?". And using "hate" is a bit of an exaggeration? If money were blue instead of green. . .

I think I do understand what you are saying/asking; I find it extremely frustrating if people assign motives to me that are different than I intend. The only thing for it though is to "correct" them by making sure your statements are to whatever point and stated in such a way that it is clear they are your opinion (which cannot be "wrong" because it is yours and you can think/feel whatever is best for you) and that you make it clear it is/is not a comment about them or their "things"/business (unless that is what you are giving an opinion on).

Another way to confront the problem is to "reverse" the conversation. "Why are you criticizing me" (if you are not, it should not "bother" you to be asked that!) can be countered with, "I'm sorry, I don't understand why you feel I am criticizing you?" and carried on back from there until you find the first misperception on either your part or theirs.

But to "solve" the problem, I would work on how you word things rather than on how others take them; you can't control what others think but you can control what you say.

highly sensitive to criticism, real or imagined.
It could be so many things.

Hmm, it sounds like it might be paranoia...not too sure about it though.

My guess would be that any opinion you have thats your own might upset them? They'r upset you have thoughts and opinions that come spontaneously from you, so they set it up in such a way that they feel insulted, then can criticise you, so they can fell alright again.

What its called? possibly they havent grown up to the point that they can allow separateness and individual thinking.

any truth in that?

I just read a book called Ostracism by Kipling Williams and this sounds like it, and sounds like my position in my family.
Me: "You always tell me I'm wrong."
Them: "We do not, you're wrong!"
Okay, maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but what got this psychologist interested in the subject was the game of catch called "Monkey in the Middle" and my brother used that game against me ALL THE TIME when we were kids. My mother already told me I'm not "invited" to her funeral. I am just trying to be happy on my own. I am sorry it took me so long to realize they just never liked me. But then, I guess I never liked them, either. It's hard.

Hankster, What is the game 'monkey in the middle'? I'd be interested to know!
rv

is it like piggy in the middle? , we played that game.

If it's the kid's game I'm thinking of, when I was growing up we called it "Keep Away" but my daughters called it "Monkey in the Middle." One child was in the center, with two at either end tossing a ball back and forth. The child in the center was supposed to try to intercept the ball, and the children on the ends were supposed to keep the ball away from him/her.

Applied to families, it might mean keeping somebody out of the loop and not letting them participate in what's going on.

right, and probably they havent been explained the game and keep trying to join in and getting hurt and rejected.

Yeah, I really don't get this thing with taking everything personally or this notion that to disagree with what someone says or does or likes is to somehow disagree with that someone's very existence. I find it somewhat annoying (to the extent that I even experience that particular emotion) when people get upset over what they think someone else said instead of what that someone actually said (almost as if they weren't listening to what was said, which is disrespectful to the speaker). It's a variation on this silliness that is reader-centric reading (i.e. the written word only means what the reader says it means and the author's meaning is irrelevant).

I have no idea what it's called.

Sorry, just saw this. Right. And my T just told me you were supposed to run to either end - like that worked!