im 17, and i think i might have antisocial personality disorder

Hi, i recently came across a personality disorder test, and these were my results:

Paranoid: High
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: Low
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

now, some of these might apply to me a little bit, but the symptoms really line up for antisocial personality disorder. plus im not too woried about the others. it really really bothers me to think that i have this. i cant help but think "why me?"

symtoms that i have:

*less empathy for other people than i should, if much at all.

*during my early childhood my parents said i was a serious problem child (age 2- 4) but sort of grew out of it. they aways thought something must have "happened" to me, which is why i was so difficullt.

*family members have told me im self centered.

* i started stealing things when i was like in 4th grade. however i dont steal anymore because i just want to be a good person.

* in preschool there was a pet hamster that the kids would take home, when it was my turn to take it home, i killed it. i have no memory of this but iguess this is what happened.

*i used to be mean to my cat, untill i was about 14 or 15 actually. i only remember one instance where i actually hit the cat(very lightly but it still scared the cat) and generally i was very insensitive twords it. i know, it really sickens me to think about. i dont know why i would do this crap. anyway i still have the same cat but im nice to it now. but if i WAS to be mean to it now, im not sure if i would feel sorry for it or not, honestly i dont know. i remember the last time i mistreated the cat i burst into tears and in my head i said something like "shes just a poor little cat she did nothing to you why would you do that you %#@&#!!!!" and hated my own guts for it. been nice to my cat since.

* i get poor grades in school and work wayyyy under my potential. i could an A student if i wanted to, but for some reason i aways flake out and dont do my homework and am generally irresponsible.

*probably more but i cant think of anything else, i think this is enough evidence.

i recently decided im never going to steal, lie, or cheat again. but say if i WAS to do these things, i would probably not feel bad about it.

contridictions of the symptoms:

*i remember a year ago, i was watching the animal planet channel, and they were showing a video of a dog being put to sleep and all the kids in the dogs family crying, and i couldn;t help but cry .there have been other times like where i feel super sensitive, also. i dont know why i remember this example, but i do.

* the other day i was thinking about my mothers life. and how hard it must be (shes doing fine, but she works very hard all day, comes home, cooks dinner, and then does it all over again the next day. when trying to imangine what it would be like to be her, like litterally imanging that her life was mine, i started to cry. i think i might have been feeling empathy.

end

ive noticed some situations where i had to fake empathy. the most recent example that my older sister (who i adore, by the way) is going to have to have a foot operation, where basically all the bones in her foot will be broken and she wont be able to walk for like 2 months. when telling me she started to cry. i said something like "awww poor (name ommited), im so sorry...) in that kind of voice. but i didnt really feel anything inside. just blank. anytime im in any sort of trouble or am unhappy she shows this deep deep empathy for me, like she feels my pain herself.l expression (usually when im in a situation where i feel awkward and shy, and i also tend to speak in a more monotone voice, too.)


i also like smoking pot a little more than i should.

anyway im really scared about this. i just want to be a normal guy, and live a happy life. what do you suggest i do? should i tell my parents that i think i might have this? do i even have this, or just a personality that is a little closer to the antisocial personality, not the full blown antisocial personality disorder?? had i not found this quiz i would have had no idea that any of these symptoms go together. i feel better allready, just getting all this crap off my chest.

i should also mention that ive been diagnosed with ADD. I've seen therapists in the past but none of them suspected this, and of the bozos tried to put me on antidepresants the first time i saw him. (im not putting down therapists in general, just the crappy ones i went too) should i ask my parrents if i can see a therapist? will they think im crazy? is it even worth it since apparently theres no cure for this(which scares me even more) please dont tell me that i have to be 18 to be diagnosed, im going to be under a year, i doubt much will change in that time. im sorry this is so long, i just feel like have to mention everything. anyway thanks in advance

and i know i sound like a big jerk telling you guys that i used to mistreat my cat and all, but i really didnt know better and im trying to be a good person thesedays. it embarasses me to have to mention it, but i have to.

If there is something in your thoughts, feelings, or behavior that causes you a lot of distress or interferes with your ability to live your life the way you want to, then it wouldn't hurt to talk to a therapist about it. Basically, I think that if you feel like you could benefit from therapy, you're probably right. Most people could.

As to antisocial personality disorder, most people who have that are not concerned about it and wouldn't worry about whether or not they should be treated for it. That is why it is so difficult to cure - people who have it don't often care about being cured. You do care about how your actions affect others, and you feel remorse when you do things that hurt someone. Impulsivity is a symptom of ADHD, and that could probably account for a lot of your symptoms. Impulsivity is something that therapy can help with.

I think it is a good sign that you are interested in improving yourself! That makes me feel very hopeful for you.

Take Care, and let us know what you decide to do and how it goes.

Rap

interesting. in general im a troubled guy - im not sure if A.P.D is to blame or not, if i even have it, that is. from what ive read about the disorder, people with it have an constant "empty" feeling, have no real emotions, and any emotions they do show are simply mimics of others emotions. and strangely im not sure if my emotions are real, im just not sure. this is such a silly question but how do i know this?

you mentiond that i care how my actions effect others - im not saying i don't exactly, but what gave you this impression?


i also would like to share another "symptom"

around 2001 my mother made a "terrorist fund" in case there was a terrorist attack. (which is ridiculous, i know) it was essentially $500 inside an envelope hidden deep in her closet. last year i wanted to buy a 4 track recorder terribly, but had no money. i decided to take some money out of the fund (initially telling myself that i would pay it back)
but any time i came into a little money the last thing i wanted to do was throw it back into the envelope, which i figured my mom had probably forgotten by then anyway. eventually i decided i would keep all of the money, since she forgot about it anyway. my sister found the envelope in my room and told my mom. she was extremely disappointed in me and i actually had to go live with my dad for a while. i stole from my own mother, and to this day cannot say that i really feel any gulit about it. what did i do 6 months after i got back? i took MORE money (sincerely telling myself that i would only be borrowing the money, and i did pay it back)

all in all, would you say that i probably don't have this? are there different levels of personality disorders? or do you either have it or not have it? anyway, thank you for the response, it makes me feel better allready. because as i mentioned before, the thought of me actually having this really bothers me. (because i feel like this severley reduces my chances of having an enjoyable life, and i still have my whole life ahead of me) it bothers me to the point where i almost feel like i should just kill myself now, instead of living with this crap. no, i probably wont, but its an idea thats been coming into my head more and more thesedays.

actually i have found some more contridictions. when doing more research i read that "Research has shown that individuals with antisocial personality disorder are indifferent to the possibility of physical pain or many punishments, and show no indications that they experience fear when so threatened" this is DEFINATLY not true with me. i almost got in a fight at school last year, the guy wanted to beat me up, i would have had no chance against him, and basically, i was terrifed.

also

" irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults"

and

"reckless disregard for safety of self or others"
(im actually kind of worry about that stuff alot, making sure other people in the car have seat belts on etc)

(symptoms listed on this site)

both definatly do not apply to me. im not a violent person at all, however i can be passive aggresive at times, but thats a little different.

i would appreciate it if someone else gave me their opinion as well, i really need as much advise as i can get.

macklin,

hi and welcome!

no, you don't sound like someone who has APD. there's too much that you seem to care about in your actions and those of others.

it does sound like you could really benefit from talking with a good therapist though. you can talk over your concerns, what scares you about yourself today, how to change those behaviors, etc.

i wish you more than well!

keep in touch!
KD

Macklin, if it helps any I am just coming to terms with some of the same issues you are going through now. I am now 25, but have expierenced a lot of the samethings you have talked about. The thing is, i've always had a feeling that something wasn't right, but it's only now that I'm older that I've realised something definitely is not right with my brain chemistry. I've got an appointment with my Doc on Weds. and I've got to tell you, I'm nerves as all hell. The last thing I want to hear is that I'm crazy. But hey, you have to play the cards you've been dealt, and try and help yourself as best you can.

From everything ive read about your experiences, it just seems like you're scard to face reality. I mean, you know yourself better than any therapist and obviously you've realised something's not right. Now it's up to you to take the next step in order to fix yourself. Cause I've got to be honest with you, it doesn't get any easier. I've been struggling for 25 years and just realising there's something wrong, and it takes a real toll on you, phyically, emotionally and psychologically. Not to mention the strain you put on your personal relationships with people. These are the things you will realise are the most important in life, and if you dont realise it now, there's something wrong. Although you do seem to care about your actions and how they affect the people you love, which it good. It's just a matter of taking that next step. You should really tell your parents what you are going through-if they are understatnding. Anyways good luck with everything and don't give up.

I'll let you know what my Doc, says on Weds, hopefully it will be of some help.

thanks alot for the insight - but can you be sure?

how can all these symptoms be explained?

why did i torment animals when growing up?

why did i start stealing when only 9, and when my family had plenty of money?

this stuff isnt normal, so what made me do these type of things?

i know my parents divorced when i was around 4 or 5, and it definatly took a toll on me, but thats pretty common and i doubt it attributes to these symptoms. anyway, thankyou so much for the help

Wandering_Aimlessly , do you feelyou might have the same thing i might - or is it completly unrelated? and its true - i dont want to face reality, because i dont want this to be my reality, and honestly im not sure it is. i get depressed every time i think about this. but i do kind of share the same general feeling that somethings wrong. for my entire life it seems like its aways been some issue. i had almost no friends from grades 4 to 8, which i feel also also took a chunk out of me. that combined with my mothers irrationality and semi-mental abuse as a kid. however i sort of think im recovering with that kind of thing, and am becoming less and less socially inept every day. thanks for caring, and thanks for the advise. i wish you good luck with the doc - please do tell me how it goes.

and about telling my parents - i want to, but almost feel embarrased about this. telling them i think i might be a sociopath? yikes. coincidentally im seeing a therapist next week (my mothers sending me bcause i nearly failed out of high school again, and she wants to know why exactly. and i guess have me tested for IQ, ADD etc. maybe i should bring it up to the doc? i mentioned that maybe we should go weekly or bi-weekly since we have alot of problems, and she said something like "you should stop feeling so sorry for yourself"

i almost think SHE might have this, i inherited this add from her, and she seems to have 0 sympathy for anyone, and is the most centered to the core. she has strict morals though, but whatever. my father however is very loving and carring so it balances out, anyway, im getting wayy off topic here so once again good luck, i hope everything works out

and all these people are telling me i dont have it, but im not completly confident their right, and i just feel completly confused. i just wish i knew for sure.

Listen, macklin, take full advantage of this meeting with the therapist. I have 8 years on you, and im telling you, it only gets harder. It's important to be open with people, you've noticed how you feel when you right everything out? it feels good, like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Be open with your parents, tell them you are struggling inside, if worst comes to worst, you can always get help from councellors at school. There are people who can help. Just dont let this consume you, your still young. People DO want to help you, you just have to trust in that.

P.S ill let you know what happens Weds. and hang in there. Thanks for the reply, it's reassuring to know someone else is going through some of the samethings.

im pretty sure you dont have APD. I think it may be ADHD or Bipolar/depression...look into it, ask to take some tests.

ttys

I'll mention it to the therapist. and your right, i kind of was letting it consume me a little, and every time i think about it it just depresses me. i know for a fact i have ADD, but i dont really understand how it contributes to my symptoms. i thought it mostly has to do with attention span and concentration and stuff. three of you have now said you dont think i have it, so i guess ill stop worrying about it. i remember in my pre teen years i used to aways worry about these little health conditions, like i would get a weird thing in the back of my throat or something and i would think i was gonna die. this is kind of the same but with my mental health. as i mentioned before its aways something haha. i have been tested for depression, but the damn therapist never called back, and i dont think i have it anyway. but i do get depressed about things sometimes, its not a constant feeling. and it seems like sometimes im in a really up mood and sometimes im all quiet and grumpy, so maybe your right, i dont know, whatever. thanks again for the advise, i really appreciate it

Hey, well i've got my Doctors appointment tomorrow. It's the first time i've ever confronted this before, im really nervous and excited at the sametime-odd, I know. It's weird, cause one part of you wants there to be nothing wrong, and the other that wishes there is. Because if I find out there isn't anything wrong, where does that leave me?

Your symptoms are exactly like mine! I to can be so fun to around. Articulate, talkative, spontanious-then one morning ill wake up a different person-withdrawn, angry, hard to concnetrate on things, just DEPRESSED. For some reason I think it's the ADHD that is causing the depression. I wake thinking,'another day of struggling through work, not being able to focus or concentrate', thoughts go through my head like a tornado. Most of the time negative thoughts as well. I know this is contributing, but I've tried to change the way I think, and it didnt work.This is pretty much how I feel:

I wake up and I know it's gonna be "one of those days".
I'm feeling withdrawn, I don't wanna have to face my roomate (I drive him to work in the morning). I struggle to get things orginized, hard time focusing on what needs to be done before I leave. This leads to frustration and eventually anger. The more anger I feel the more my thoughts are cloudy, like trying to see-or in my case-think though a thick fog {(all negative thoughts)and I know I shouldn't be feeling this way, and I dont wanna be feeling this way, but there's nothing I can do to get away from it}. I have trouble speaking and articulating what im thinking. This make me feel nervous and anxious when im around people cause I know it shows. So I just keep falling deeper and deeper into depression. This can sometimes last for days or even weeks. Then one morning i'll wake up with a new lease on life, and I can't understand why! My thinking is clearer, im able to communicate with people on a higher level, my memory is better, it's SO strange. I've tried to write down the things I thought about when i wake up happy, b/c maybe if I think of those things every morning i will be fine, normal. nope...no use. But anyways, that's just an example of one of my days...Who knows, maybe we are the "normal" ones and everyone else is just hiding these feelings haha...or not. Anyways, ill let you know how tomorrow goes, maybe I can give you a more professional point of view after talking with my doctor.

Peace

Macklin:

Don't get so caught up and upset about the "label" of your issues. Many people that have mental problems or personality issues have multiple issues. For instance I have BPD, major depression, PTSD, and anxiety disorder. But everyone has some traits of things..OCD, etc. I think it is great that you are seeking help at your age. That takes a lot of courage, be proud of yourself, and no, you aren't being self centered or whatever your Mother said. Good luck, and keep your chin up!

hi shellie, the thing is it isnt really about the label. im not sure if you've read up on APD, but its kind of a nasty personality disorder, and its uncurable. and honestly i just dont want to have to live with that crap, is why care so much. i have become convinced that i dont actually have that, but i feel like something is probably off in the conscience/morality part of my brain, maybe add is to blame. im trying to keep my chin up, and anyway. but dont you think it could actually be kind of a bad sign that im worried about stuff like this at my age? thanks

hey good luck with the doc! you're probably there as i write this, but, oh well. it sounds to me like you definatly have some form of depression, but what do i know. i hope you find solace in knowing that depression is pretty treatable. and if you find out that nothings wrong with you, then i would say you probably need some kind of change in your life.

and i know this sounds cheezy, but if found that excercise is a kind of natural antidepressent, i aways feel good afterwards. but yeah so tell me how it went

Hey Maclin, I had my appointment yesterday, and I do have and anxiety driven depression. I was perscribed Effexor, which is one of the newest drugs on the market treating depression-so i was told. I feel pretty hopeful that im gonna beat this, that in itself has helped my condition.

Anyways I just wanted to recommend a book for you. My Doc told me to go out and buy as part of my treatment. My Doc is very good, she is very understanding and I have a really good relationship with her, so I trust her, plus I read about a quarter of it last night, and it is EXTREMELY insightful. The book is called "Feeling Good" by David Burns. I would recommend it to anyone who is depressed or not feeling like they want to feel. This is somehting you NEED to do. The book is about cognitive therapy (thought therapy) and how our negative thinking is reason for our suffering. I've read a lot of "self-help" books, but this one is different. I seems to be more geared to common sense...anyways late for work.

hope it helps!

I know it will, just give it a chance...

Just the fact that your worried about ASPD might mean you don't have it. Usually, they would not be so bothered by it. If you took this personality test online, don't take it to heart. You need to see a psych to be diagonosed properly. You really have a lot of high catagories that would be contradictory to ASPD. I really think you need to get in somewhere, especially with the ADD.