Help with sister- antisocial P disorder

Hello,
This is my 1st post here. I have been looking around the internet for resources to help my sister. She has been troubled since she hit puberty, and now she is 25 yrs old. She moved away recently and got married. Since then things have completely gone to hell with her. She has a 1 yr old son and 1 on the way also.

Up untill she got pregnant the first time, she was pretty much exiled from family and friends because of yrs of her stealing, lying, manipulating, scheming, refusal to do anything to better herself. She has no qualms about living off of people for as long as she can. She has an unreal sense of entiltlement and in all the yrs I have known her she has never said thank you for anything. She lived with me for 2 yrs, and after I would give her money, she would go back and steal more because she felt she deserves more. Absolutely no empathy, compassion, or guilt for hurting others.

Well now she is down on a Naval Base with her new husband, who recently left her. She has resources there like the chain of command, the chaplain, and other military wives etc. She told them all to go get F-ed..so now she has burned every single bridge there too. Can you imagine talking to the chaplains like that?

Now CPS is threatening to take her son away because of her refusal to get any sort of help. She says she has no problem..that it is everyone elses fault. Recently she threw the baby out of anger, so between that and the other stuff going on CPS is worried for the babies safety.

I will try to take care of her son if he is taken from her. And I dont see her agreeing to do any of the things CPS is telling her. She is VERY angry all the time, so that means that she is extremely uncoroporative.

Long sotory short LOL. I have been reading and I am convinced that she has Anti-social personality disorder. It fits her to the letter. I know I am not a doc, and i have no idea how to go about getting her help. From what I have read there isnt alot that can be done. I dont see her ever admitting she needs help.

Does anyone have any advice, or have experiences with this disorder?

Thank you,
marley

hi welcome to PC!!! I am really sorry your going through this.....
first of all remember.....your sister is probably very ill....whether she is diagnosed or not....to throw a baby....and go do the things youve said she has done...no one stable would do something like that....she is to blame....but its like when a girl goes through the motions when she has her period...she will cry on anything....or get angry...she cant help it...those feelings are exposed as well blown way out proportion ...im just trying to simplify it for you to realize she isnt actually doing this with the stable mind of wanting to hurt people..it just happens that way.....i really feel it would be best for her if she was at least taken to the ER because she is so unstable....so someone can evaluate her and start her on some kind of medication....having that baby in such a risky environment is very dangerous and unhealthy...and at least be temporarely removed...you can contact the local hospital and probably even have her admitted against her will if it comes to that...i think they still do that...especailly if she is a danger to herself and others...which she obiviously is....and if she can get grounded enough she might just thank you for it.....and are you alone in the matter? Perhaps her ex husband...or her husband whatever he is now...could push her to get help...if they arent divorced.....let him know that you think he should at least wait till she gets better to see if they can rebuild what they lost...i mean you said they are newly married....i mean if the guy is going to leave her that fresh without trying ...then he didnt care about her to begin with....and what about family....can you guys actually all get down there and surround her and tell her ...listen ...you need help.....your sick...and we want someone to help you....and if she says its everyone elses fault...play into that for now...say yea...its our fault and we want to give you the help you deserve...we want to make up for our mistakes......sometimes whether the statement is true or not...if its for their own good...it needs to be done....if it saves lives...then consider it one of those little white lies ....good luck..im sorry i wrote a book lol....
let us know how it goes...
love,
inny

sorry stupid computer is acting up

omg

lol

To get started, tell her yeah, a lot of it isnt her fault, but the way she acts isnt working for her. Its got to be about her.Obviously I havent met her, but my guess is Its highly unlikely (but not impossible), that youre going to get her to feel empathy for anyone else, if this is antisocial personality disorder.

I youcan get her to ook at it from a standpoint of whats good for her things may get better. Also, I have a feeling drugs are involved. Am I wrong?

There's only some much you can do. I know you want to help, but I would worry more about the kid. Sometimes by helping someone too much youre not reallyhelping. If she has to suffer all the consequnces of her actions she may try to find another strategy..

Thanks Inny for the response!

CPS has given her a very small time frame to do what she is supposed to do or else her son will be removed. She has been extremely angry, so it is impossible to get through to her. She refuses to speak to my mom again, and I know the reason is that my mom refuses to take her in again and take total care of her. At least my mom is getting stronger about this. It is sink or swim for her now.

She is supposed to go get a psych eval and see about some anger management classes, but says there is no way in hell she will. She refuses to "leave her son with a stranger" during any meetings, knowing that the alternative is him being taken by the state. That is all she has to do to keep her son and she doesnt care.

I have been trying to talk her into letting her son come for a "visit" while she takes care of what she has to do but she doesnt think any of this is real. I realize that she is sick and cant help the way she is. I am VERY careful about making her feel I am on her side in this because if she gets defensive then I know I have lost her. I have learned over the yrs how to handle her somewhat. You are right about the little white lies. At this point she thinks I agree with her about everyone picking on her. I just say that while that may be true, what is also true is that this isnt going away so she HAS to fix it!

She told another family member tonight that she wishes she were dead. We are all scared to death for her baby.

I have been talking to the CPS lady who luckily is very nice. I asked her about admitting her to a hospital, but unless she threatens herself or someone else they cant. I told her that I think that this is a personality disorder, and needs some serious intervention quickly. Not just your average "anger" problem or depression.

She wants to help her and not have to take the baby. If we can get her to surrender him to me then it will be so much easier for all involved... so far she thinks she doesnt have to because she plans to leave the base and go back to where she is from. She doesnt get that she has nowhere to go back home anymore. She has burned all her bridges. She had one of my moms friends conned last week. She did the whole poor me, Im a victim routine as usual. We had to make her understand that if she allows my sis and her baby to move in, that it will end very badly like it always does. So that is out.

Her hubby is only 19 yrs old and is training to go to Iraq soon. he doesnt know how to handle her. It has been nothing but violence and shouting since she moved in with him down there. Se threw out both wedding rings, all pics and momentos of their relationship as well as tore up his military achievement awards and papers. She bashed in their new car, and told him and the 1st sargent that she hopes he dies in Iraq. He had no idea what he got himself into, or what to do. At this point he lives in the Barracks and his bosses have told him he is not allowed any contact. I guess he filed for seperation too. They barely knew eachother before he left for basic training. People like her can be very sweet, caring and convincing ya know? She was living in an unweb mother home and her time was almost up. She had to find somewhere to go, and what better way than to get some young kid to marry you, especially one in the military. She was there less than a month before becoming pregnant again. i shudder to think what will happen to the one she carryng now

Sorry this is so long! It is nice to be able to vent to people that have some understanding...

Thanks again

Yeah you are right petulant. We are trying that approach with her now. It isnt working at all, but I havent given up. She has never had an ounce of empathy ever, so i dont imagine she will now.

I really truly think this is APD, or at least something very similar. If it is, doesnt sound too promising.

I came to the realization 2 yrs ago that no amount of me loving and trying to help her works.

Part of the reason she is freaking out so bad right now is she is backed against a wall and for once there is noone there to clean it up for her. I honestly dont think she knows what to do. And if she does, she has no idea how to do it.

She is going to be forced to get some kind of help now or lose her son, and probably this baby when it is born. But what then? She might play the game for a while, but then what? Is there any hope if it is APD? She cannot get a job or go to school because she absolutely cannot function in society. She has had a couple of jobs that lasted 1 day. She has a problem with authority and she thinks everyone is out to get her. She wont even talk to any of the other wives on base because she says they are all b-ches and think they are better than her.

I remember taking her to a movie and she asked the girl taking tickets what the F. she was looking at and if she didnt stop she would pound her face in. It is like that anywhere she goes. Even the checkout at a grocery store. Seems to get worse if they have to ask her anything, like to see her ID..and she has to engage them. I hope that made sense!

To answer your question about drugs, no she isnt on them. I think she used to as a teen, but now she wont even take an aspirin.

Thanks for your help!

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PetulantWolf said:
To get started, tell her yeah, a lot of it isnt her fault, but the way she acts isnt working for her. Its got to be about her.Obviously I havent met her, but my guess is Its highly unlikely (but not impossible), that youre going to get her to feel empathy for anyone else, if this is antisocial personality disorder.

I youcan get her to ook at it from a standpoint of whats good for her things may get better. Also, I have a feeling drugs are involved. Am I wrong?

There's only some much you can do. I know you want to help, but I would worry more about the kid. Sometimes by helping someone too much youre not reallyhelping. If she has to suffer all the consequnces of her actions she may try to find another strategy..

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