[XAutumnX]

Okay so I am not looking for a diagnosis or any medical advice as I know only my Dr. Can do that, I'm more looking for advice.

Okay so growing up was extremely difficult for me especially as I was sick, before I was sick I have a sense of being but after... Well nothing. I constantly had mood swings, I'm not talking of the normal teenage mood swings I'm talking one minute I'm fine, the next I snap and I'm not okay but then that can change and I'm okay again.

I am very much a loner (if you will) as I can not maintain relationships, can't go into sexual relationships for fear of one day being alone and rejection. This also applies with friends and family, I can get emotionally attached very quick however if I feel a possible threat of rejection or betrayal I will end it before they do.

I constantly feel lonely even when I am not actually alone, it is something I can't really understand so struggle to explain.

I don't have a sense of identity, I don't know who I am, what I am, I don't know my sexuality, I don't know what I want from this life or what I expect to gain.

I constantly battle suicidal thoughts just because I feel it's better off I'm not here as I am a nobody that will achieve nothing.

I have Social Anxiety Disorder as I feel I don't have a place in society so feel out of place and anxious in public. People struggle to have conversations with me as we seem to be on different wave lengths.

I am very indecisive and go from extremes, one minute I am dead set on doing one thing and agree to go one place then the next it changes and I don't want to do anything just sit at home. One minute I Love certain family members then the next I Hate them.

I suffer dissociation which could be down to not knowing who I am or could be down to PTSD. I self harm to get me through this internal black hole. Also with that one minute I'm dead set on harming myself and know why I have done it, the next I don't want to do it (usually after I have done it) and don't know why I done it, it makes me feel extremely guilty.

Sometimes I am happy to sit in the background and not be noticed (after all that's what my life is like) the next I feel the need to either make things up or make certain situations worse more times than less I underestimate the severity of my situation as I don't like being in the spotlight but still gets me a different kind of attention.

Last August I was suicidal and ended up in hospital, the psyche there done an hour assessment then when I received a copy of the letter she sent my CBT it stated I have 'borderline personality traits' and it was suggested to investigate further, I never knew what that meant but I stopped therapy so never found out.

This Thursday I have an appointment with a new mental health team so I'm not asking medical diagnosis, just advice so I could maybe make my appointment easier on thursday.

Sorry this is long but wanted to give as much info and in depth as possible.

Originally Posted by XAutumnX

Okay so I am not looking for a diagnosis or any medical advice as I know only my Dr. Can do that, I'm more looking for advice.

Okay so growing up was extremely difficult for me especially as I was sick, before I was sick I have a sense of being but after... Well nothing. I constantly had mood swings, I'm not talking of the normal teenage mood swings I'm talking one minute I'm fine, the next I snap and I'm not okay but then that can change and I'm okay again.

I am very much a loner (if you will) as I can not maintain relationships, can't go into sexual relationships for fear of one day being alone and rejection. This also applies with friends and family, I can get emotionally attached very quick however if I feel a possible threat of rejection or betrayal I will end it before they do.

I constantly feel lonely even when I am not actually alone, it is something I can't really understand so struggle to explain.

I don't have a sense of identity, I don't know who I am, what I am, I don't know my sexuality, I don't know what I want from this life or what I expect to gain.

I constantly battle suicidal thoughts just because I feel it's better off I'm not here as I am a nobody that will achieve nothing.

I have Social Anxiety Disorder as I feel I don't have a place in society so feel out of place and anxious in public. People struggle to have conversations with me as we seem to be on different wave lengths.

I am very indecisive and go from extremes, one minute I am dead set on doing one thing and agree to go one place then the next it changes and I don't want to do anything just sit at home. One minute I Love certain family members then the next I Hate them.

I suffer dissociation which could be down to not knowing who I am or could be down to PTSD. I self harm to get me through this internal black hole. Also with that one minute I'm dead set on harming myself and know why I have done it, the next I don't want to do it (usually after I have done it) and don't know why I done it, it makes me feel extremely guilty.

Sometimes I am happy to sit in the background and not be noticed (after all that's what my life is like) the next I feel the need to either make things up or make certain situations worse more times than less I underestimate the severity of my situation as I don't like being in the spotlight but still gets me a different kind of attention.

Last August I was suicidal and ended up in hospital, the psyche there done an hour assessment then when I received a copy of the letter she sent my CBT it stated I have 'borderline personality traits' and it was suggested to investigate further, I never knew what that meant but I stopped therapy so never found out.

This Thursday I have an appointment with a new mental health team so I'm not asking medical diagnosis, just advice so I could maybe make my appointment easier on thursday.

Sorry this is long but wanted to give as much info and in depth as possible.

It's possible you have BPD. You've already been diagnosed with traits.