curiouser and curiouser

i spoke to my parents today. it's very strange but once i have discussed things with the tdoc i find it easier to speak to my parents - it's as though i think they'll think i'm a weirdo if i've not had things "validated" by the tdoc. i said that this was something we'd been discussing, although i wasn't really sure what to think, even though the tdoc most definitely didn't dismiss it.

i had a really bad day today: i was dreading my parents coming, even though they asked first and it was arranged, and even though it wasn't so bad in practice as it was in my head before hand. then i had a major freakout because my housemate had my favourite bed linen on his bed (even though we share bedlinen as a general rule, it always bothers me a bit to see my bed linen on his bed, and today it was my favourite and i had a bit of an internal freak out).

then i saw that they had my favourite mug in their room. now, we have a load of mugs at the house, and they're all quite similar (they have penguin book covers on them). i've never specified that this one is my favourite one, they weren't to know, and no one had told them the mugs were off limits, but it really freaked me out.

all those things combined to make me so angry i had a cry for a while and then yelled at my computer when i hit delete on something by mistake.

so anyway, my parents came over and i vaguely mentioned that i'd been talking to the t about this: they said they took me to child psychologists because of things i did - and still do - that are very irrational and extreme reactions to things. they tried to tell t and pdocs when i was a teenager about these things that i did, but were told it was growing pains. i always heard this and have been hiding these things for years. apart from when i'm ill, when i have no control over them. so they're things that pdocs think happens just in my depressed/manic phases but they're always there.

anyway, my parents said that even they could list probably 20 or 30 things that i always do, always react to in a certain way, that they always knew was strange but have accommodated as best they can. many of the things they mentioned agreed with things i mentioned, others that they mentioned were really only the tip of an iceberg of what i guess you could call neuroses that are there.

they think it's worth looking at in more depth because i think if there was a way we could even just label all these weird things, it would help to maybe get a grip on it. i mean, another dx isn't exactly my wildest dream but i'm at the stage now where i would like to try to deal with these things i do, to try to work out what the bloomin' heck is going on in my mind, and maybe try to categorise/compartmentalise things. does that make sense?