Parallels

I can see certain parallels between people's issues. I find myself particularly intrigued by Avoidants, Borderlines and Histrionics. Not just intrigued but protective, at times.

The cluster of issues I know I have seem to lie on the "Avoidant spectrum". Under stress I sometimes have nightmares. I can put the feelings in them into two boxes - "powerless/inept/futile" and "irrelevant/invalidated/alone". That second box isn't far from "Unwanted" in a way, and as far as our neural pathways are concerned, surely that's in the same ballpark as "Abandoned"?

How could different personalities deal with such fears?

Avoid risk, protectively hide one's Self and live in exile - Avoidant.
Be vigilant for, and oppose, suspected abandonment - Borderline.
Get louder, stand out, to be heard and accepted - Histrionic.
(And I challenge any Avoidant to deny we would love to be "larger than life"!)

Would we not also feel we are not living up to expectations, whether our own or others'? There lies self-discrepancy.

In fearing we won't get our inner needs met yet again, would we not also feel a certain emptiness? Angst is common for everyone.

When I am on this site, I can almost feel people's pain, at times. I think I "get it". It's that VOID, isn't it? That place inside we are afraid to admit or reveal, where our greatest needs and greatest fears do battle until they cancel each other out, leaving nothing. Yet, we persist, we survive.

It is all so human, so fragile, so understandable. An oak tree struck by lightning, twisted and riven, is still an oak tree. (Maybe your tree is chestnut, cedar or pine - we all have a right to our authentic Self). We are not broken or defective, we are growing and coping, as best we all can, no matter what labels are put on what we each deal with.

Interesting insights! Thanks.