[Onward2wards]

Round peg, square hole.
Round peg, square hole.
Round peg, square hole.

Powerless.
Irrelevant.
Superfluous.
Inadequate.
Inferior.
Too sensitive.
Incomprehensible.
Weak.
Incompetent.
Confused.
Yearning, raging, self-doubting, self-rejecting, NUMB!!!!!

ENOUGH

It never occurred to me that the round hole does not yet exist because I am the only one who can create it. It never occurred to me that I have the power to do so. It never occurred to me that I get "depressed" and "anxious" or whatever other label I absorb, branding myself in accordance with invalidation and fear and personal disappointment, because I became convinced I lacked the capacity and even the right to feel and believe and behave in accordance with what I WANT to be, what I WANT to make in my life.

I do not have to believe I am doomed to never finding my niche, never accomplishing what really makes me feel whole, always being subordinate, always being silent when I have things on my heart I need to express ... I have the capacity to choose!!!!!

And

I choose to create the life which makes me whole.
I choose.
Whether it hurts beyond belief or has me terrified or brings joy beyond what I could hope for, I choose the life I will lead regardless. It can happen, it will happen, because I choose to no longer remain powerless.

I choose to turn my back on the void, forever. I choose to turn towards all that is to me good, and innocent, and inspiring, and fulfilling. I will believe what I must to be fully whole. I will define myself. I will make it work. I can and must and will do this.

[InTheShadows]

I am awe inspired by you and the progress you have made in the time I've known you. As always, you give me courage to rise again and again.

~Shady

P.S. I think you should read Portia Nelson's Autobiography in Five Chapters. You just hit a remarkable moment in realizing that what you seek is within you and up to you to pursue and mold. I have no doubt you will soar much farther than the target you have set for yourself.