[AnxietyRidden9]

Hi,

I'm a 23 year old female and I'm very scared that I'm suffering from some kind of problem. I never considered it until now but the pattern of my relationships and emotions has become hard to ignore. I have listed several of the things I notice about myself and my life. Could someone please tell me if this could be cause for concern?I don't really have anyone else to talk to. The list I compiled is as follows. I really appreciate any guidance.

1- Avoiding conflict, and once conflict is created, avoiding making up with people and freezing them out.
2- Uncomfortable showing emotions or getting angry because I feel like I won’t be taken seriously or respected for my feelings.
3- Very unstable and easily hurt feelings and ego.
4- Fear of becoming an insecure partner in future relationships because of past relationships.
5- Sometimes trouble with fine, coordinated movements, speaking to groups and carrying out tasks when nervous or anxious. (Shaky fingers, muddled thoughts, blood rushes to face and I feel hot and disoriented)
6- Insecure about myself and my achievements and feel the need to put others’ choices down to make myself feel better.
7- Day dreaming about being more productive and a better life but never following through with the plans.
8- Get easily complacent and can very easily slip into doing nothing, speaking to no one and staying alone when left alone for a few days. I spent most of my college senior year sleeping from 6 am to 6 pm and missing many classes and seeing and speaking to no one for days on end. I ended up doing well, but still.

9- Deals with anger by freezing out the subject of concern and acting cold and distant.
10- Constant feelings of friendlessness and loneliness but flake out on plans with people I’m not completely comfortable with.
11- Easily intimidated by those that are better looking or better accomplished.
12- Cannot decisively point out that many good qualities and special talents about myself. Find myself unremarkable with nothing special to say or contribute to any relationships.
13- Fear of becoming a cheater in future relationships because of insecurity and past careless behavior.
14- Not able to genuinely empathize or understand people for certain situations and get overly emotional in other situations.
15- Behave and act selfishly and cannot handle things not going my way
1

[Ubermensch]

Ok, since you took the time to make a list, I'll try to comment my OPINIONS on each #.

1-I think everyone should avoid conflict, the world would be a much more peaceful place if they did. However, if your doing this while sacrificing your respect/standards/beliefs/etc, then it may be a problem. You should never let someone control you and you should never do things you aren't comfortable with doing. So be sure to stand up for yourself and don't let people walk all over you. Also, forgiveness is a major key in keeping friends and not becoming poisoned with grudges yourself. Remember everyone is human and every human you meet will hurt you at some point, so keep your expectations in check.

2-This is probably connected to #1, and possibly even the cause of #1. I can understand this, as I am much the same way. You can always demand respect though, and if you respect yourself, it's likely that others will show you respect too.

3-There's nothing wrong with being sensitive, but it's good to keep things in perspective. How much of what you get upset about even matters or will make a different a week from now? Live for today, and 99% of what happens today will be inconsequential a month from now, so what's the big deal? Take life with a light-heartedness attitude.

4-You probably already are insecure, and if your not, you probably will be in some future relationship. Just be honest with your partner and yourself and things can be worked out in time.

5-I think these are pretty normal reactions to nervousness/anxiety.

6-Yeah, that's not really the greatest quality to have, but it is good to be humble about yourself, but you should try to find joy in other's achievements, and perhaps use their success stories as inspiration for your own.

7-This is totally me, lol. I don't have a problem with it and sometimes it helps me to feel renewed again after living a rather stagnate life. Even though I'm pretty certain I'll never achieve my dreams, I still fantasize about living that life and work towards it (sort of). It gives my life purpose, so I never lose sight of it. You should maybe check out the book "A New Earth" by Echart Tolle, or a book called "The Power of Awareness," but I don't remember the author.

8-Again, I'm exactly the same way. Completely apathetic and introverted. For me it's a good thing. It keeps me stress free and I have time to daydream about my future goals, which is very pleasing for me.

9-I don't know if that's good or bad. I sometimes do the same thing. Sometimes it's better to keep your mouth shut instead of speaking out of anger and making the situation worse. Other times it's better to release your anger and deal with the consequences of it later.

10-I like being introverted. I find I have waaaay fewer problems than people with "friends" or "a social life." If you feel completely comfortable with yourself and love yourself and have a goal/purpose/meaning to your life, then you'll be fine. Everyone feels lonely sometimes, but for me it's worth it.

11-This comes from insecurities, which aren't good, but everyone has them. Try to tell yourself that you are good enough and that looks don't really matter. Your life is of value as it is.

12-There is something special about you, and I'll tell you what it is in a moment. But not feeling like there is something special about you isn't necessarily bad. As long as you can accept this "truth" (as you see it), then there's no harm in it, but if you see this "truth" as being negative and you go trying to change all these things about you and become something your not, then it might not be what you want to focus on.

13-I think you just know yourself better than most people know themselves. Almost everyone would cheat given the right opportunity under the right circumstances. Monagamy is actually a minority, worldwide the majority of relationships are polygamist ones.

14-Yep, sounds like me again.... Not sure myself if this is good or not, see my "Emotional Uncertainty" thread for my own feelings about it. I ways I think it's good, in ways I think it's bad.

15-I think we should be more selfish. I'm an egoist, so....

Actually, in spite of all this, I think you may be an extraordinay individual. Why? Because I think that you are much more self-aware and honest with yourself than most other individuals are. You are both aware and honest enough to recognize and admit these personality "flaws." And that's precisely what I think is special about you. In my opinion, the world is wrong, not you. Your values are where they need to be. Your actions are in alignment with human nature. Typical "Christian" ethics of altruism and denying yourself pleasure seems anti-nature and anti-life to me. If you're philosophically minded, I strongly recommend reading anything by Frederich Nietzsche, particularly "Thus Spoke Zarathustra," and "Twilight of the Idols/The Anti-Christ." Take care.

[Sjc0]

Like I am reading a mirror...

Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk

[AnxietyRidden9]

Hi,

I want you thank you profusely for taking the time to write out such an eloquent response to my concerns. I've now read over your reply several times and I can honestly say that I feel a lot better. I was going through a moment of despair, as we all do sometimes, and I did not have anyone else to speak to about it. I will definitely look up the books/authors you have suggested and keep all of your advice in mind. I am yet to read your Emotional Uncertainty threat but will do so soon.

In the meanwhile, if there is anyone you need to speak to please feel free to message me. I will very happy to help in any way I can.

Thank you once again for your kindness and I hope you are doing well!

Originally Posted by Ubermensch

Ok, since you took the time to make a list, I'll try to comment my OPINIONS on each #.

1-I think everyone should avoid conflict, the world would be a much more peaceful place if they did. However, if your doing this while sacrificing your respect/standards/beliefs/etc, then it may be a problem. You should never let someone control you and you should never do things you aren't comfortable with doing. So be sure to stand up for yourself and don't let people walk all over you. Also, forgiveness is a major key in keeping friends and not becoming poisoned with grudges yourself. Remember everyone is human and every human you meet will hurt you at some point, so keep your expectations in check.

2-This is probably connected to #1, and possibly even the cause of #1. I can understand this, as I am much the same way. You can always demand respect though, and if you respect yourself, it's likely that others will show you respect too.

3-There's nothing wrong with being sensitive, but it's good to keep things in perspective. How much of what you get upset about even matters or will make a different a week from now? Live for today, and 99% of what happens today will be inconsequential a month from now, so what's the big deal? Take life with a light-heartedness attitude.

4-You probably already are insecure, and if your not, you probably will be in some future relationship. Just be honest with your partner and yourself and things can be worked out in time.

5-I think these are pretty normal reactions to nervousness/anxiety.

6-Yeah, that's not really the greatest quality to have, but it is good to be humble about yourself, but you should try to find joy in other's achievements, and perhaps use their success stories as inspiration for your own.

7-This is totally me, lol. I don't have a problem with it and sometimes it helps me to feel renewed again after living a rather stagnate life. Even though I'm pretty certain I'll never achieve my dreams, I still fantasize about living that life and work towards it (sort of). It gives my life purpose, so I never lose sight of it. You should maybe check out the book "A New Earth" by Echart Tolle, or a book called "The Power of Awareness," but I don't remember the author.

8-Again, I'm exactly the same way. Completely apathetic and introverted. For me it's a good thing. It keeps me stress free and I have time to daydream about my future goals, which is very pleasing for me.

9-I don't know if that's good or bad. I sometimes do the same thing. Sometimes it's better to keep your mouth shut instead of speaking out of anger and making the situation worse. Other times it's better to release your anger and deal with the consequences of it later.

10-I like being introverted. I find I have waaaay fewer problems than people with "friends" or "a social life." If you feel completely comfortable with yourself and love yourself and have a goal/purpose/meaning to your life, then you'll be fine. Everyone feels lonely sometimes, but for me it's worth it.

11-This comes from insecurities, which aren't good, but everyone has them. Try to tell yourself that you are good enough and that looks don't really matter. Your life is of value as it is.

12-There is something special about you, and I'll tell you what it is in a moment. But not feeling like there is something special about you isn't necessarily bad. As long as you can accept this "truth" (as you see it), then there's no harm in it, but if you see this "truth" as being negative and you go trying to change all these things about you and become something your not, then it might not be what you want to focus on.

13-I think you just know yourself better than most people know themselves. Almost everyone would cheat given the right opportunity under the right circumstances. Monagamy is actually a minority, worldwide the majority of relationships are polygamist ones.

14-Yep, sounds like me again.... Not sure myself if this is good or not, see my "Emotional Uncertainty" thread for my own feelings about it. I ways I think it's good, in ways I think it's bad.

15-I think we should be more selfish. I'm an egoist, so....

Actually, in spite of all this, I think you may be an extraordinay individual. Why? Because I think that you are much more self-aware and honest with yourself than most other individuals are. You are both aware and honest enough to recognize and admit these personality "flaws." And that's precisely what I think is special about you. In my opinion, the world is wrong, not you. Your values are where they need to be. Your actions are in alignment with human nature. Typical "Christian" ethics of altruism and denying yourself pleasure seems anti-nature and anti-life to me. If you're philosophically minded, I strongly recommend reading anything by Frederich Nietzsche, particularly "Thus Spoke Zarathustra," and "Twilight of the Idols/The Anti-Christ." Take care.

[Ubermensch]

No problem, that's why we're all here! Thanks for your kindness as well!