[here today]

Relationships can be toxic and interpersonal dynamics can be toxic. People are not.

My T said today that I am now capable of relationship and not toxic. She had never used that label before, though she did say about year ago that I was so negative that if she were not my T she would not want to have a relationship with me. Interestingly, today, when I reminded her of that she said that she was now sorry she had said it, that she hadn’t understood the depth of what I was going through at the time.

Those of us “toxic” people need to push back on that societal label. It’s like “leper”. Yes, there can be emotional contagion when people are in great emotional pain. But I’ve been trying my best for 50 years of therapy on and off. The therapy was lousy. Some made things worse. Therapists didn’t know a lot about developmental trauma and how to treat it. I’m glad I finally found somebody who does.

I am not toxic. I never was. The pain I was in may have been toxic – to me and to others in my vicinity. Pain that was numbed out sometimes so that I hurt other people without understanding or knowing that I was. It’s the pain that can be toxic, not people.

[snarkydaddy]

"Relationships can be toxic and interpersonal dynamics can be toxic. People are not."

You know, I was turning this idea around in my head for a while, That is just not my experience at all. I know several people who are saturated with toxic attitudes and baggage. And they bring that into a relationship untreated and spread and put their toxic packages on everyone they encounter making that relationship toxic. But as I said this is just my experience.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[here today]

Originally Posted by snarkydaddy

"Relationships can be toxic and interpersonal dynamics can be toxic. People are not."

You know, I was turning this idea around in my head for a while, That is just not my experience at all. I know several people who are saturated with toxic attitudes and baggage. And they bring that into a relationship untreated and spread and put their toxic packages on everyone they encounter making that relationship toxic. But as I said this is just my experience.

How about if I add, "People's attitudes and baggage can be toxic. The people themselves are not, though they may have a toxic effect on other people until they can separate themselves from their negativities."

[gayleggg]

Originally Posted by here today

How about if I add, "People's attitudes and baggage can be toxic. The people themselves are not, though they may have a toxic effect on other people until they can separate themselves from their negativities."

I don't know. I have to agree with snarkydaddy. There are toxic people. If they haven't worked on getting rid of their baggage they are toxic to others regardless if it's baggage or not they are still toxic.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by here today

Relationships can be toxic and interpersonal dynamics can be toxic. People are not.

My T said today that I am now capable of relationship and not toxic. She had never used that label before, though she did say about year ago that I was so negative that if she were not my T she would not want to have a relationship with me. Interestingly, today, when I reminded her of that she said that she was now sorry she had said it, that she hadn’t understood the depth of what I was going through at the time.

Those of us “toxic” people need to push back on that societal label. It’s like “leper”. Yes, there can be emotional contagion when people are in great emotional pain. But I’ve been trying my best for 50 years of therapy on and off. The therapy was lousy. Some made things worse. Therapists didn’t know a lot about developmental trauma and how to treat it. I’m glad I finally found somebody who does.

I am not toxic. I never was. The pain I was in may have been toxic – to me and to others in my vicinity. Pain that was numbed out sometimes so that I hurt other people without understanding or knowing that I was. It’s the pain that can be toxic, not people.

Do you have BPD?

[here today]

No, I was diagnosed 4 years ago with PDNOS and DDNOS. I "fell apart" 12 years ago. I probably appeared a lot like people with BPD then. Before that, I had an eating disorder as a teenager. Got over that with therapy. Then off and on before the meltdown, mostly for depression. I felt like something was wrong but didn't know what. Or at least I never got an official PD diagnosis until 4 years ago.

[leomama]

I have PDNOS too. What's ddnos?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[here today]

Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. How are things going for you?

[here today]

Wow, just noticed this professional blog post from 2/28/2014:

What?s a Toxic Person & How Do You Deal With One? | World of Psychology

I posted a comment, don't know if they'll accept it or not. Anybody here interested if they don't?

[leomama]

Originally Posted by here today

Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. How are things going for you?

A bit challenging, I'm learning how to deal with my emotions and just let them be and not try to control them. That's kind of hard when dealing with feelings like sadness. And you?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[here today]

Originally Posted by leomama

A bit challenging, I'm learning how to deal with my emotions and just let them be and not try to control them. That's kind of hard when dealing with feelings like sadness. And you?

Yes, sadness for me is very difficult. Sadness and loneliness. They used to be dissociated -- numbed out -- so it was "progress" to get to feel them. Sometimes now they can be disorienting for awhile, though.