[Teddy:)]

Have you ever been asked the question of 'what are your dreams?' and answered it with things such as: family, kids and a nice house, when deep down you really feel nothing.
Part of me feels like these are societies expected answers. At times I feel a desire for these things but it is always short lived, I can dream them, but I don't know if I want them to become a reality.
I am struggling with understanding myself, I have always felt different from everyone else, I feel as though I am trapped in a younger version of myself and am struggling to appear as an adult when all I feel like is a child who just wants to belong.

It is diffucult to relate to people and i feel as though I am in an exhausting battle to live each day and handle the expectations that comes with being an adult. I am in a constant search for a place of belonging. I have felt an emptiness within for many years that is slowly growing. The world scares me, I do not trust or ever see myself trusting others, for I don't even fully trust myself. I long for an attachment with someone special but also fear that very thing. I fear a life of loneliness but also feel engulfment in the presence of others.
People scare me, I feel like they can see through my outward appearance to the true me and are laughing at me. I feel worthless, ugly and like I wasn't meant to be. I am not capable of anything apart from what I envision in my dreams, but that is all they will be is dreams.

I don't know why I feel this way, I have tried for so long to find the real me, but how can you do that when you do not know who or what to begin to look for.

[glok]

Hello, Teddy. Perhaps, you might benefit from looking here:

Dimensions of Wellness

I wish you well.

I know exactly how you feel. All I can say is to not think of the future all at once - see it in chunks. Take each day as it comes.

"Normal" Is like a figure of speech. Who says what is normal can be the complete opposite to someone else. To think of what society sees as proper is BS. Live for you and that's good enough!! I too am an empty person who has much. Some of us are just meant to have an internal part unlike many. The cards were dealt and we are who we are. Live for only you and this will create a better emptiness for you!!!

[here today]

Originally Posted by Teddy:)

. . .I am struggling with understanding myself, I have always felt different from everyone else, I feel as though I am trapped in a younger version of myself and am struggling to appear as an adult when all I feel like is a child who just wants to belong.

. . .The world scares me, I do not trust or ever see myself trusting others, for I don't even fully trust myself. . .

People scare me, I feel like they can see through my outward appearance to the true me and are laughing at me. . .

. . .I have tried for so long to find the real me, but how can you do that when you do not know who or what to begin to look for.

Have you tried therapy? It may take awhile to find, or create, your self but it sounds like you’re not very happy with your life right now the way it is?

Another approach which is gaining a lot of popularity is mindfulness, similar to meditation. As you meditate, you may become more aware of your thoughts and feelings. In my experience, when I know aspects of myself then I can trust myself better, too, because when I know and fully experience a feeling then I don’t have to be afraid that I will act out or that somebody will see something in me that I don’t already know and accept.

The real me was fragmented, broken and bruised and the set of pieces hidden away and I didn’t know where to find them. So it took awhile. And I had a lot of bad therapy and therapists who didn’t know what they were doing and the whole process really sucks. Maybe it’s better for someone starting out now, I hope so. I hope the people trying to help know better now but I’m not entirely sure they do. Nevertheless . . . look over your options. Underground has one that works for him. Maybe you can find an option of living your life without knowing who you really are that works for you? Or maybe if you just find something that you love doing, in time your true self will find its way out on its own? I don't know that anybody knows, so it's my opinion that it's just part of the wonder of life that you've just got to make the best choices you can on your own and deal with the . . . stuff. . . when it doesn't work out. Good luck.

[RogueWolf]

Yes. To the question. I can't say I really feel the same as you on everything else you said though. I often feel society is full of crap and that it is really weird how people are sheep and hate anyone who is different. I find it odd cos though I do want friends I have never really had the desire to conform which I am lead to believe is something most people have. I never went though any stage of wanting to 'be like everyone else'. Which of course ment high school was hell for me. (That's when that sort of thing is most prominant, though it does continue.) Have you ever been to a therapist? Been diagnosed with any mental health issues? If this stuff is impacting your life I would suggest seeking professional help.