[WinterRose]

My pdoc gave me this book. I asked if it was well written (because otherwise it may not hold my attention) and he said no. I shrugged it off, but he gave it to me anyways. He agrees that I have borderline characteristics, but he's thinking maybe it's more adaptive - a survival tactic due to my situation growing up. I think he's saying my mother may be borderline. The back of the book has this list of questions on the back though and I don't think they really fit my experience with her. I do like the title though - I walked on egg shells a lot growing up because my mother was emotional and volatile. I just don't think those questions really relate. Not sure if they work for me either since they are relationship based and I've never really been in a relationship outside the casual to know if those things will happen, but they could. I do know that a lot of what Masterson says about borderline fits for me regarding abandonment and behaviors of clinging and avoiding and depression etc.

Anyone read the book - was it worth reading?

[Wants2Fly]

Hi there -- I have never heard of it. I hope someone else can help you out.

[anniego]

Yes, I read the book and it really made a great deal of sense to me as a sister of a borderline who was a textbook
extreme case. Perhaps that's not you but it sure is right on the money about the disorder.
Just being educated will help you see if you have borderline
tendancies. You're ahead of the curve if you haven't had the dubious history of broken relationships that accompany
BPD. (I've had a few myself ..we all do) Get out in life and get messy...develop friendships when your ready...but be aware of how healthy these are.
If you need help, find a therapist or friends here.
Best of luck,
Annie

[cardznutz]

I am a Borderline, and reading that book scared the crap out of me, because I realized how much I was and had affected others in my life. I was scared to let my wife read it, but when I did she simply said "you're not that bad", and left it at that.

I recommend another book Siren's Song, can't recall the author right now but it is about a PDOC who marries a suicide attempt that he treats in hospital, thinking she is the most wonderful woman in the world. He feels he can 'save' her. In the end ... well read the book. I was very upset by it but it was honest.

Back then I had a PDOC and she sort of was against me reading either of the books...but I am naturally curious and had to learn more about the BPD experience. The more I learn the more I realize not much seems to be done to help us. I have been in therapy for two years (before my PDOC up and quit retired...at the age of 30 something). Up until a few years ago I only thought i was battling depression for the past 20 years... SIGH

[ocd123]

I'm borderline, and I've read that book.

I gotta admit--I hated it!! It did exactly what it accuses borderlines of doing--splitting everyone into either all-good or all-bad. From what I recall of that book, (and way too many so-called BPD websites too!!) the borderlines are portrayed as havoc-wreaking, destructive, nasty people that the non-borderline is warned to dump, immediately if not sooner. While the non-BPD's are shown as martyrs, saints, long-suffering endurers of borderline abuse...well, you get my drift.

Nobody is either all-good or all-bad (even a borderline like me can recognize that!!) but all that book does is reinforce all kinds of stereotypes. I think it would be extremely discouraging for a borderline person to read--esp. someone newly diagnosed.

I would recommend another book. It's written by a woman who suffered from severe BPD and who actually made a total recovery!!! It's a fantastic book, incredibly inspiring (not to mention true!) and everyone I know who has read it has loved it!!

The title is "Get Me Out Of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder" and the author is Rachel Reiland.

I bought my copy a couple of years ago and it only cost $12.95---a very reasonable price!

You can find it at amazon.com.

Happy reading!!!

Hugs,
Patti

[WinterRose]

Thanks Patti - I think I'll try your suggestion instead. I don't need any help being depressed. I definately do the splitting thing myself and am only now starting to recognize when I do it. Sounds like the person writing the book had some issue and perhaps was splitting too.

I have read James Masterson regarding BPD and really liked what he had to say in The Search for the Real Self which explores what it is and how it comes about and possibilities for treatment.

I'm only now hearing how BPD is considered by some to be untreatable and how much of a stigma it has. What a bum wrap.

I agree "James Masterson" book is much more helpful. You know the more I know about me and what it is to be human, the more I see basically we're all the same, its just a matter off degrees. I use to think there was a perfect humanbeing out there that I should "model" myself on LOL, then I saw them on a bad day too LOL.

We all suffer from the human condition and on one can escape it LOL

[ocd123]

Yes, there definitely is a stigma out there regarding BPD, but I hope as more research is done and more people "admit" to being BPD, the stigma will lessen. (And apparently a lot of research IS being done!).

I personally do NOT believe that BPD is untreatable. Rose and Mouse, and anyone else who is interested, you might try googling a couple of names: (1) Marsha Linehan, who is a therapist who has done a tremendous amount of work with borderlines and has had great success and (2) Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) which is the kind of therapy, esp. for borderlines, that was developed by Marsha Linehan.

It isn't always easy to find a therapist who's trained in DBT, but if you can find (and afford!) one, that's the route to go. DBT has had way more success with borderlines than any other kind of therapy.

And Mouse, you are so right: we are all so much more alike than some people would like to admit!! Nearly everyone does some splitting, or getting overly angry, or most of the things that we are accused of doing.

I'm not saying we're perfect--but neither is anyone else!!

Hugs,
Patti

[lenjan]

I'm not borderline, but I was raised by one, and I loved this book. And since it's my personal mission to be the voice of dissent here when it comes to self-help books mentioned on this site, I just thought I'd say so.

It fit my mother to a T.

[Rapunzel]

I haven't read it, but I have gotten the impression (even before reading this thread) that Stop Walking on Egg Shells is a book written for people who love someone with BPD, but really is not for people who themselves have BPD. It seems like it's purpose is to tell the loved ones how to deal with the person who has BPD (and I have no idea what it tells them).

[jbug]

I have a cousin who's wife is a children's therapist. When I was newly diagnosed my mom asked her what she should read to help me and Kim told her that book. I read parts of it and didn't like it but back then if anyone told me there was something wrong with me I would go into a rage. I am a classic borderline and the clinic I go to based their borderline program on DBT and my T and I are going to work on that this summer. When I was diagnosed I was handed the book I Hate you Don't leave me. I hated that book it painted me in a light that I figured I'd never get better. I found out they don't give that book out anymore at my clinic.

Jbug

Hi,
sorry for the late reply.

The book was recommended to me by my first therapist. (I was in dire need of help, spiraling down into a clincal depression) She felt that my mother was probably borderline also-- like yours.

One of my sister's went out and bought the book and after she read it, I read it.
We couldn't believe how someone could write about our mother without ever meeting her!!! She is textbook Borderline-- even down to the impulsiveness-- she shoplifts.

The book helped to free me a little from the shame and self-loathing that my mother instilled in me from the moment I was born. I agree with Rapunzel-- the book is more for loved ones that deal with a Borderline than for the Borderline themself.(IMO)

It was worth reading for me.

Good luck to you.

mandy

edited-- for typo's-- oops!!

[WinterRose]

I don't think I am fully BPD, but I have a lot of tendancies or similarities with it which is why it comes up in therapy. I think the psychiatrist is hinting that maybe my mother also has strong tendancies that way - I'll agree that she was emotionally unstable when I was growing up, but I don't think she's BPD.

[Liberada]

I don't know what I am. But the more I read on BPD, the harder I find it to lift my jaw from the floor.
The more I read, the more I make sense.
...SO much to learn! ...and realize...and face. ...

Yeah, I think that a lot of the literature that is geared towards family members and the like seems to be geared towards validating their frustration and the like.

There is still quite a lot of judgemental literature out there unfortunately.

This is one book that I haven't read. I have read 'I hate you don't leave me' and I resonated with some of it, but felt a bit hurt by some of the other aspects of it. I thought it was a hurt arising from unnecessary judgement / misunderstanding more than a 'home truth' kind of thing as well... I really liked Linehan's stuff but it is much harder going.

Linehan's therapy has indeed been empirically validated as a pretty successful treatment for BPD. Mentalization based therapies are doing pretty well now too (more psychodynamic/analytically focused). Bascially the notion is that treatment does take a while. But then treatment for neurotic depression / anxiety is supposed to take a while too...

So it ain't that bad :-)

(Even though it can feel like hell at times)

I think there is a gradual progression out with episodes becoming further apart and less intense. Apparantly I'm all cured of BPD symptoms (with respect to meeting criteria) at the age of 28. Still have a lot of borderline traits of course but don't meet criteria anymore. And didn't meet criteria... After a year of DBT...

[faded]

My sister has this book and I read it. I'm not a fan at all. It makes people with bpd sound like crazy demon people that are completely out of control and they're like a big storm that goes around hurting people everywhere they turn.

[WinterRose]

I checked out "Get Me Out Of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder" but it had too much swearing for me. Want to give me the quick synopsis on how it went?

I don't like that book, I think it's silly. I prefer to research BPD through psychoanalytical books.... Try work by Nancy McWilliams.... it puts things in a much better perspective, and spends a lot more time on how someone with a personality disorder relates to his/her therapist. And... it does a much better job of actually explaining what a personality disorder is. I love her work. Oh, and when I say "it," I'm talking about a specific one-- 'Psychoanalystic Diagnosis-- Understanding Personality Structure in the Clinical Process" It's actually a book for therapists... I had to buy it for one of my Counseling Techniques classes.... but it works for me both as a student and a client.... check it out!