[Dickie1958]

After over 30 years of marriage I need help in deciding how to cintinue in a marriage with a wife with an abti-social personality disorder. Lack of empathy. Etc. I need some peace. Might I try and isolate myself more ? She does her thing (nothing) and I do mine ? Ignore her self centered emotions ? Especially her lack of empathy towards others ? Her refusal to engage socially ? Her inability to engage ? Wife creates an unsettled feeling all the time. What to do ?

[Skeezyks]

Hello Dickie1958: The Skeezyks & his wife have been married a few more years than you & your wife have... but not that many. So I imagine I have some idea of what you're writing about here. In our case, however, I imagine that the roles are reversed. I'm the one who creates an unsettled feeling all the time. As far as I'm aware, I wouldn't be diagnosed with Anti-social Personality Disorder. But I am definitely non-social. Except for the fact that I am married, I lead an entirely solitary life... no other family, no friends, & not even any acquaintances of any consequence. My wife is not exactly a social butterfly either. But she does have at least a few friends & some activities she pursues. And I encourage her to do so. Just because I'm a recluse doesn't mean she should be.

I don't know what your experience has been. But, from my perspective, marriages do change after 30 years or so. At least ours has. You & your wife are individuals. You can't submerge your life in hers. And you can't change her. My perspective is that you should simply figure out what it is you want to do with your life at this point & do it. Then, how you respond to your wife's lack of doing things, self-centeredness, lack of empathy, & refusal to engage socially grows out of how you decide you want to live your life day-to-day. And if, at some point, it becomes apparent that the two are simply not compatible, then this perhaps becomes a sign that the marriage simply cannot endure. If figuring all of this out seems just overwhelming, then perhaps some individual counseling / therapy for yourself is in order to help you figure out what the direction of your life should be from here on out. At least these are my thoughts with regard to your post. I wish you well...

[kecanoe]

I have avoidant PD which I know is not the same, but I do tend to isolate. I would not want my husband to isolate due to my disorder. I want him to have as much social life as he desires. We've been married 29 years, and we both plan to stick it out. Have you asked your wife what she thinks?