[defyinggravity65]

I'm assuming I have underlying personality problems that he resulted in me having no friends.
Do any of you find yourself in a similar situation? If so, Why is it that you feel you're lacking in the friend dept? Is this attributed to a particular personality disorder???

My reasons are that I feel like I'm simultaneously better than some people and worse than some people. I compare myself to people constantly and can be easily judgemental and jealous. Also like hanging out with people is both terrifying, uncomfortable and awkward, and not worth all the trouble.

[mindwrench]

I have less than five people I call friends (who knows what they call me). I see them in person maybe once very few years. I text with one of them once a month or so. I do enjoy their company when I see them. I just feel like I'm bothering people if I seek them out very often, and I sure don't want them seeking me out very often as I find it intrusive. Even in my less troubled years I preferred the company of very few individuals, and not very often at that.

[Fearfool]

1.) Lack of empathy

2.) Lack of skills/usefulness to make people want to keep me around

3.) Lack of conversational skills/too quite/tactless when I speak

4.) No charm, obvious sociopath in words and actions.

5.) Little desire and effort and motivation to change improve on necessary qualities to attract friends. Sometimes I try but its hard to keep up with them and watch myself, then I slip up and say the wrong things so people go away. This is why I'm so thankful of modern technology and solitary hobbies.

[LittleEarthquakes]

I relate 100%.

[defyinggravity65]

Originally Posted by LittleEarthquakes

I relate 100%.

Good to know im not alone. The worst part is when I try to find something wrong with the other person as to why we're not friends, when really it's just me.

[metalchick]

I have the same problems...Thank you for posting this. A lot of my issuses are self esteem issuses, mostly that I do not have a drop of self esteem in my body. I too judge people and either feel they are better or worse than me. I have no idea what to say and when I say it, everyone looks at me like I am crazy. Another problem that I have is that I long for friendships and tend to find people who are just bad. I am also really attracted to bad people, especially men...when I find one that is willing to spend time with me, I go along with whatever they want. I feel it is better to be alone instead of being in trouble.

[tallulahxoxo]

YES . THANK YOU.

I also have crazy mean intrusive thoughts about people that make me feel so guilty and fake.

Also I'll be having fun with someone one minute & the next just want to LEAVE.

[metalchick]

I let people treat me like s**t just to have someone around. Just doesn't feel good at all.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by metalchick

I let people treat me like s**t just to have someone around. Just doesn't feel good at all.

If it doesn't feel good then why do it? Is it a pattern that has turned habitual for you? Or..?

[Booh]

Hello, defyinggravity65. If you want friends you will have to change the behaviors you describe to allow friendships to forthcome.

[metalchick]

How do I do that?

[catman8989]

I relate. And it's cause I don't show many emotions towards anyone really.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by catman8989

I relate. And it's cause I don't show many emotions towards anyone really.

Why not?

[Harmacy]

I only have a few friends, nobody I trust fully.

It's mainly due to very low self esteem, so most of my friends approached me, I rarely take initiative to engage with people so usually only speak to strangers if I'm responding to them.

I'm male and I also prefer female company, I find with men they remind me of my brother and things often get weirdly competitive or they do things to undermine or humiliate me, a lot of that is me transferring my issues onto them I'm sure , but not always. I seem to attract some unpleasant characters sometimes. I'd love to have at least one male friend with same interests and values as me. I'm quite left wing liberal and most men I meet definitely aren't. Maybe a bit of me being judgemental there I suppose...

I'm thinking of moving to a new city and starting again but can't really say I'm super confident about it. I'm hoping if I can change my attitude, be braver with risking rejection, and show myself and others more compassion and honesty, things could change.

And the dreaded social anxiety plays a part too.. that's got a little better but still an issue. I find speaking out loud in front of groups of people still triggers blushing. Embarrassing to still be happening at 42 ��

[defyinggravity65]

Originally Posted by Booh

Hello, defyinggravity65. If you want friends you will have to change the behaviors you describe to allow friendships to forthcome.

Yes. But how?