My whole life people always made a big deal of me being shy. So when I reached 15 I started to believe that if I didn't appear to be confident I was going to miss out on things in life. Some people would say how my friend and brother were amazing ands they had so much outer energy and I thought they were dismissing me as having a deficit. So when my bi polar hit and I got hyper I found I could make people laugh and that God had answered my prayers.
I of course went too far In changing my mainly introverted nature I lost sense of who I really was. I didn't recognise this person I realised at 24. I was so lost and I wanted to pull the trigger and put my lights out for good. I had caved in to what others expected of me and societies expectations.
So this led to me becoming very depressed and I had to go off on a spiritual pilgrimage and ignore what everyone else thought for once in my life.
So what if I am not life and soul of party.

[Atypical_Disaster]

No matter what, who you actually are will always surface again. Your essence, your core self, cannot be truly destroyed. It can be buried, distorted, twisted, abused, tortured, lied about, etc but it will still always be there when all is said and done.