[Justacatlover]

I don't really know what "category" you would call me.. however, I get a serious thrill out of hurting people (especially if they are defenseless and even better if they are self-confident). I don't hurt people out of the blue, but I do hurt people when I feel the urge (usually happens to the person closest to me or they just happen to be in a convenient spot for me to lash out). I hate being yelled at for doing it however so of course I figured a way to keep it hidden. I feel no regret after hurting people and want to do it again time after time. I'm not proud of this, so do you know an effective way to get this under control better instead of simply hiding it?

[here today]

Wow, that's a tough one. I had sadistic tendencies toward myself and enjoyed bearing myself up emotionally. That's one way to stop it going "outward" and being blamed for it but I started it way back when I was a kid. Can't say it was rational, just what I did.

Since you're not proud of this, just find it gratifying, could it be a result of people treating you like that when you were a kid and not having a chance to do anything be about that situation then? If so, you might find therapy helpful, but I kind of hate to recommend that. I ended up in therapy for years that didn't help much and made things worse before I finally got to the bottom of things. I don't feel gratification from beating myself up anymore, though ,thank thankess, and don't do it much anymore. But it took like forever.

[wordshaker]

It's amazing and wonderful to me that someone with these tendencies is actually self-aware AND wants to stop. Maybe that's more common than I thought. There are good therapists and bad therapists, but if you could figure out why you're doing it and face the inner self behind it (probably a wounded/abandoned/hurt kid full of self loathing because someone doesn't love him/her the way they should), and face what happened to you... then you may be able to stop.

Another thought is that not everyone with these tendencies was mistreated. It's just more common. In either case understanding why you do it, how it hurts others (perhaps in merely functional terms if you lack empathy) and how it ultimately hurts yourself may help you.

Another thought... you may have a vision of the kind of world you would like to see - the kind of world you would wish for. Unless it's a world where people are hurt, suffer loss of potential, and live those consequences then it's perhaps a more healthy view. If so, maybe you can use your view, your values, as motivation to stop. Ask yourself whether you are creating the world you want to be in. Think of your values as your code for behavior choices - not just pie in the sky.

Since you're used to pain based gratification, it will be hard to stop. It will require repeated practice on your part, like learning a new instrument. But you can do it. And as a help, maybe you can take some small gratification in the fact that you could have hurt someone, but that you CHOSE not to.

Wish you motivation and caring enough to stay in touch with your better self!