[Confusedxx]

Okay, short overview of what is going on.

I have been with my fiance now for about 2 years. We live together, are planning on having a baby, and are planning a marriage.

Something that is really putting me off is his obsession with money. I have some credit card debt (under 2k) and a car lease. I make enough money to support myself and pay off my credit card, but other expenses have come up that have halted really putting any extra cash into paying it off.

He is constantly making comments about it. I asked him to go to a buffet with me, and he said "Sure, I don't have any bills, no car lease lol." Yet when he wants to go out it is always okay. It was just a bizarre comment. We also went food shopping the other day, and he told me he would split the bill with me so I asked him for the cash the next day. He handed it to me (more than was needed) and said "here I know you are starving for money". I found the comment rather condescending and tried to give it back to him, and he was actually angry at me for "over reacting".

He begged me to go out drinking with him the other night, and I caved in and the next morning he was complaining he needed work clothing and how we should have went to the store next to the bar but we never did. I commented about how every time we go to the store, he shops for about an hour, then puts everything back because he states "he can't afford it". Mind you these are about 10-15 dollar pairs of pants. I informed him if it was a problem I would buy them for him and again another condescending comment about how if I can't afford to pay my card off how could I buy him pants. He was also talking to one of his friends about how much debt I was in and going on...and on... and on about it. Just right over my head like I wasn't there. His friend actually spoke to me like a human being, and was under the impression by the way he was talking that I was in severe debt (like 10k or more). When I told him I just had a 2K dollar balance on my card and I was lease my car he was dumbfounded as to why my fiance would describe it like that.

He just seems so...obsessed over it to a degree that really isn't normal. He will beg to go out, and then once we do he will talk on and on about how expensive it is. He will look over the receipts, add up the bills, think we were overcharged etc etc. I groan when he picks up the check because it is the same thing over...and over. He then complains that I am the reason that we are spending money and I cannot save.

He mentioned getting a mortgage with me, and as soon as he said it he said, "what am I kidding you can't save."

I'm just getting tired of the comments, and I wonder if this is a sign of an underlying personality disorder such as paranoid personality disorder. Mainly also because of trust issues he has. He constantly thinks I am lying to him even when i'm not. If he has an idea set in his head about something that happened and doesn't believe me he will just call me a liar even if he is totally off base. He also wants a prenup and it's been seriously delaying our marriage. I told him I have no problem doing it, but he can't set on an attorney for it. He always emphasizes how important it is since I have "nothing" and he has worked his entire life for things.

[Skeezyks]

Well... honestly... I can't tell you if how your fiancé is acting could be diagnosable as some sort of personality disorder. Mental health diagnosis is a job for mental health professionals. And the reality is they don't always even agree. From my perspective, I think the more pertinent questions are... what can you do about this, if anything, & do you really want to marry & have a family with this guy? In my experience, things don't improve once you're married & have kids. If anything they intensify.

Personally I think the concepts verbal & emotional abuse are probably overworked. However, I'd have to say that, from what you wrote, what you are experiencing at the hands of your fiance is getting close. It strikes me that if you can't work this out amicably with your fiance on an informal basis, perhaps you should consider asking him to participate in some couples counseling with you. If he refuses that in itself may be a bad sign.

Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, related to the subjects emotional abuse & how to deal with difficult individuals as well as a couple of articles on couples counseling. Perhaps some of the information in these articles can be of some help in figuring out where you stand & how to proceed:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/21-war...-relationship/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/signs-of-emotional-abuse/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/signs-y...abused-part-i/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/bondi...onally-abused/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/bondi...u-do-about-it/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...itical-people/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-ways...ficult-people/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/couples-counseling/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/answer...es-counseling/

I wish you both well...