[Rapunzel]

I posted a lot of this as a reply in the psychotherapy forum, but have meant to start a discussion about it since reading some articles that opened my eyes a bit to some of my own issues. I had thought that finding this community helped me learn social skills and form connections that I had never been able to before in my life. And it did. But is there a point where maybe you have learned all you can from online social networking, and it keeps you from learning how to do it IRL?

Even my T started out meeting me on my safe turf at first. She agreed to try email therapy with me when I asked her to. After a while, that wasn't enough, and I needed to see her in person. After a while longer, email was dropped (she doesn't respond to email from me anymore) and it is all f2f, even though it means that I have to drive five hours. Because I use email as a crutch.

Is this a crutch too? Does it keep us from interacting with people in the real world?

Are we addicted to online relationships? Is this just like the other coping mechanisms we might use, like drinking, cutting, etc., that distract us from the problem for a while but don't really fix anything?

Here's the part that is re-posted:

How many of those who feel they are addicted (or have been addicted to other online support forums) have other addictions?

How many are self-injurers?

I ran across some articles that suggest a relationship between Self-Injury and internet use. A lot of it rings true for me. Some points are:
- that the internet appeals to people who self-injure because the anonymity is comforting to people who struggle with shame, isolation, and distress.
- internet communities may take the place of real effort to work on and develop positive coping, and healthy relationships IRL.
- online participation provides a sense of core developmental needs (such as need for community, intimacy needs, & honesty) are being met.
- if one online relationship goes bad, it's easy to throw it away and find a new online friend.

There may also be a connection with BPD. Those with BPD have difficulty moderating stress, react more intensely to stress, and take longer to recover from stress. They also have been shown to have an enhanced ability to recognize emotional facial expressions, including happiness, sadness, anger, fear, .... This recognition heightens sensitivity to rejection. Not being able to see people's faces here shields us from an overload of sensory inputs, and makes it easier for us to interact. But it also doesn't provide an opportunity to develop skills that we need to interact with others in the real world.

The articles are:

Janis Whitlock, Wendy Lader, & Karen Conterio, The Internet and Self-Injury: What Psychotherapists Should Know. Journal of Clinical Psychology: In Session, vol. 63(11), 1135-1143 (2007). Published online in Wiley InterScience (www.interscience.wiley.com).

Janis L. Whitlock, Jane L. Powers, and John Eckenrode, The Virtual Cutting Edge: The Internet and Adolescent Self-Injury. Developmental Psychology. 2006, Vol. 42, No.3

Personally, I thought that I spent so much time here because it was the only way I could maintain long-term relationships (because I always move away and don't feel like I can ever belong anywhere). But those articles really ring true for me. The internet seems a safer, easier way for me to manage relationships. I have learned some good things, but it also tends to replace trying to have real, in-person relationships. It allows me to maintain and present a controlled image of myself that I like better than the real me. I have tried to be the real me a little more here, and that deepened some relationships while also bringing on a lot of rejection from others, and that has been really hard to deal with.

I did the questions but have to say if anything support forums have helped my social skills.

[MyBestKids2]

I agree Tishie. They've helped me come out of my "shell" and learn to deal with everyday people.

[Mouse_]

This is a thought I have often. I'm not sure what you expect to gain out off results you have posted though? I mean we can never be sure from what ego state a person is answering from? My honest opinon as of this second as I read your question is that I think though they appear to offer support and friendship, at times it feel as if you have to remain stuck to benefit from this??? I've noticed that clicks form and once anybody really begins to look for self-dom they are ostradiced? and real genuine communication isn't really possible in that atmosphere? yes supporting others "scripts" is but anything other than that isn't really available by support forums..I think for me, yes I still must have a need to use them, because at times I see the prison cell open but I'm afraid to walk out and run back for security and validation of my "script", but then each time I try to get nearer to the open door a bit more and really dont want to be held back, but I'm still not fully sure how to do that adn whats famaliar is what keeps me coming back. The answer could be aren 't we also here to help others? I'm not sure if anyone is really qualified to help another? Perhaps all we're doing is spreading the sickness round a little bit more so that we continue to have some where to come? IT appears there is a need for support forums, but perhaps I wonder what would people be forced to do more pro-actively if they didn't have support forums? SOme may say, Oh i'd be dead. I wonder would they? I think if you want to get better, you will if you don't alas I dont think an internet site can really claim to be that omipresent?? I dunno, this are my genuine thoughts as I read your post..not sure if thats classed as supportive though? LOL, but its supportive of myself.

[VoNPD]

I use support forums for Psyche issues (here) and for my health issues. I could not make it without the Medical forum as my condition is rare and not too many out there can empathise.

I combine this forum with my Group IRL, and private T. sessions. I'm not too sure a web forum alone can help with Psyche issues because so much of what we really feel is displayed only via physical means (looks, posture, shaking, etc). It's GREAT to get the viewpoints of others here, but I don't change my mind sets beacuse of what I read. I bounce it off my T. first.

[kimmydawn]

Very interesting stuff...

I'm not a self-injurer or have the dx of BPD, but was/am a dissociator to various degrees, and I personally feel that DID and BPD are torn from the same cloth so to speak.

I just wanted to share what support forums (PC) has helped me with in association to my MI. I don't feel I'm addicted, though I one time that could've been arguable I'd say. I was clearly disabled IRL, with very limited capabilities of venturing out to others, and very fractured, fragmented intimate relationships with family.

The main plus I have from being online in reference to my relationships is, as a dissociator (much less now than then) I had very little confidence in my conversations due to memory loss, dissociation, etc. Because of that, a person could easily convince me that I did/didn't say or do something. I found myself withdrawing IRL. Nothing was ever 100% for me communication-wise and, because of that, confidence in those relationships were VERY low. Being online opened the world up to me...the world that I didn't function well in IRL for various reasons. It's been so healing in that respect, but in so many more that I didn't expect.

Being online allowed me to be 100% sure of my words and others (I could go back and read my and others words in black and white...knowing what I thought had occurred actually did, and helping to make it stick as opposed to being placed somewhere in a dissociative mind)...making conversations and, subsequently, the relationships behind them much more pleasurable, trusting and REAL.

Well, guess what? To my and t's great surprise, that bled over into real life, where ALL my relationships blossomed to equal the online as my confidence and surety was nurtured online.

Yep, being online has 100% affected my real-life relationships...in a 100% positive way. T was thrilled and very accepting and supportive...pointing out the positives of it that I didn't even see in the moment. I would find myself having words for what I could never explain before, then to be sure of those words? WOW.

I never planned for any of that to happen, but it sure did.

PC, and my communications/relationships here, has helped me be able to relate, communicate, and gain confidence regarding the same, in WONDERFUL ways...ways that have stuck to this day.

[wanttoheal]

As far as addiction, for me, I would have to say I am probably addicted to PC, but it doesn't interfere with my real life. The nice thing I find about the forums here is that I can read and respond but it's a come and go thing. I don't HAVE to sit and read this or that thread before I can go do something else, because I have the opportunity to come back and read it at another time.

As with KD, I am a dissociator (though not as bad as I used to be- I think) and it's really helped me to be able to come back and see the black and white as well. In real life, I rarely spoke out loud for similar reasons. I felt like people might be tricking me as I could never be sure if what they said I said or what they said was true and my trust issues made it feel like they were using my dissociation to their advantage. Even here on PC, it took all I had to put some brackets around a name and not delete the post within minutes of posting it.

Gradually, through posting here and learning more about my disorder, I've been able to post more and give more than just hugs. This has definitely spilled into my real life. While I don't carry on huge conversations out loud, I am much more confident in talking and knowing that I am okay to talk. I am learning to trust what people say through this and trust that I can respond and be okay.

I definitely think the forums here have helped me in real life.

Good thread!

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((( Rap )))))))))))))
really interesting thought provoking thread

[Doh2007]

I don't intend to have many irl relationships. But I value every person here.

[BalishBun]

I think support forums are really good, yes. No doubt.

[Perna]

One thing I have to keep reminding myself is that it's not an either/or situation. We all have real lives as well as online lives and they influence each other. I'll be thinking about someone online when I'm grocery shopping or a conversation or book that was recommended, etc. when I'm out and about. Hearing an online friend tell of trying something that would frighten me might give me courage to try it or I might have questions to ask my T that I wouldn't think of, etc.

I don't think anything outside of us is bad for us; I think how we choose to use what is in our lives; face-to-face and online can help us if we structure it that way. If we use the Internet as an excuse to keep from relating face-to-face, that's a different problem but I don't think it's the Internet's "fault" that we aren't using it in a helpful way but as a way to hide; people do that in real life too?

[psychkim]

I personally believe that support forums are good for us. For example, I am part of the GRASP online groups for indivduals with Aspergers. I believe it is good to have online group discussions because we can express ourselves in ways that we would not if we were in front of others. It is also another way to network with other people with your same interests. For me, it is good, and for others, it might be benifical. It is up to each individual preferences to what they like and don't like.