[Greg77733]

I don't know what I hate the most about bpd. The fear of being alone, eveything so black and white. I am **** on that one. The temper tantrums, the self harm, including driving. I know it is stupid but I will go to the insterstate and do 135. The I love you, no I hate you! What do you'll hate? Just trying to think of something to get conversation going? Have a good day, Greg

[ECHOES]

yep the rapid and intense and panicky emotional stuff is exhausting!
even about being alone... I want it, i love it... I don't want it, I hate it. grrr.

[inside]

[ECHOES]

lol. well put, inside

[lifeblows]

ALL of it, I f&&king hate ALL of it.

[90mphINneutral]

I don't know but I'm about at my wits end. YEAH that's what I hate about it the most: I'm fine for a time and then POOF the BPD is kicking my butt, like now. One minute you're fine the next... well yeaaah.

[Locust]

Greg,
I don't know if I have bpd, but I have had to live with several symptoms of it. Luckily, some seem to have spontaneously remitted at least temporarily. Anyway, I can symapthize with some of this stuff, whether I have it or not. Also, I have some loved ones whom I believe have bpd. I think to me, the hardest bpd symptoms I've dealt with are these:

1. Abandonment issues
2. Emptiness and numbing
3. Anger issues
4. Thinking I am evil/splitting myself black

I think #1, #2 (to some degree), and #3 have harmed relationships, hurt those I loved, and harmed me. And # 2 and #3 have helped cause #4.

Not to come across as bossy or judgmental, but you should try to watch the speeding thing because of others on the road. Don't get me wrong. I am not perfect, either, and I do understand why you would do it. I have also had loved ones who had this same issue. I know that at these times, it may not even really occur to you the danger you are putting others in, but please do try to think of it. Not only do we not want you gone, but also, others are in danger when we speed. Again, I swear I'm not trying to jump you or anything. I am not perfect, either. It's just a friendly reminder. I know you know this, but sometimes when we are upset we may not think of these things enough. And you seem rather nice, so I don't think you'd want to hurt anyone.

Please don't feel attacked. I in no way mean it that way. I'd say this same stuff to my best friend- or myself. I just think it is important to remind each other and ourselves of these things. I know you need support now, and I do care about how you feel. I am sorry you are hurting. BPD and anything resembling it SUCKS. The anger issues tore my relationships apart, they hurt me, and they hurt my loved ones. The emptiness makes you wonder if there's any point in living, and makes you feel vitally flawed. Put the two together, and I felt downright monstrous. Also, the abandonment issues are just the icing on the cake, aren't they? I have self harmed- not severely, but chronically, and mainly due to anger issues. Since it wasn't severe, it wasn't as big of an issue as some of the other stuff, but it was still an issue. It was something I felt the need to hide a lot of the time, and I also worried that some things might cause permanant damage. Now, it seems more under control, but I still get urges sometimes, they are just not as strong, thankfully. I know it could still come back as strong as ever. I just hope not.

I hope you take good care of yourself, Greg. From what I've seen of your posts you seem like a nice person, whether you feel like it or not. This was a wonderful question, by the way. ((Greg))

~Locust

[Greg77733]

Hey Locust, no worries mate, I am a male and a fisherman, I say it like it is. I like it that way, noguessing. You are wright I would die if I hurt someone. It is that danger thing. It is full bull with me. Some men have the danger thing and then throw bpd on top. It don't help. I will try to slow down. That ways kind of an exsample, like I will tryto take too many meds. or this or that. Bpd makes ,well doesn't make you ,but youwill find yourself on the edge a lot. Any how take care and thanks for your response. Take care, Greg P.S. I didn't know you could talkwith smiley faces. Old dog can learn. You said that well!

[Sannah]

Hey Greg, 135 mph on the freeway? Please tell me that you are kidding.....

[purplebutterfly]

yea it sucks i feel like that most days -i hate you dont leave me feelings

[Greg77733]

Hey Sannah, Nope not kidding I wish we had the auto bound over here. I would love to do 200.

[Kryslo]

I HATE how screwed up all my relationships are. I HATE that I can't just stay with the guy I love and have us be happy together. Anytime something's good, I find something that's bad. Every time. Without fail. Going good and what do I do? I nitpick at how he said a joke! We get over that fight and what do I do? I get pissed about my brother. I get so pissed I know I'm about to smack my bf if he touches me, so I have to tell him to back off which makes him pissed which makes me pissed so I leave! Then a minute later I'm coming back inside and telling him I'm still pissed but I love him and we need to break up cause I'm so tired of this. And he's already told me, he told me today, that if I say we need to break up ONE MORE TIME he's going to just let me do it and stop the fights.

I hate that I can't just be happy. I always cause a fight. I'm tired of fighting. I promised him we wouldn't fight anymore. Now I know there's a reason I always fight, that I'll probably always fight, and he has no true reprieve to look forward to if he stays with me.

Makes me want to cry and worse.

[Rhombus]

I hate all of it.