[bizi]

Distortions in Thinking

As children, our brains organize relative to the environment in which we grow up - either safe and secure or scary and sad. Our feelings are stored in the limbic system or midbrain. On the other hand, our right orbitofrontal cortex performs abstract reasoning. One of the most common adaptive behaviors in which humans engage is “pain avoidance”. Thus, a child who grows up in a maladaptive environment (painful environment) organizes his brain in a maladaptive style that involves emphasizing survival behaviors rather than feelings of security and love. This organization of the brain results in intelligent adults with a maladaptive upbringing to have a tendency to function more from a reasoning place of denial of feelings (which is a function of the orbitofrontal cortex) rather than integrating the limbic system feelings into appropriate responses. In these adults with maladaptive upbringing, when the emotions residing in the limbic system are triggered, the frontal lobe jumps to attention with a strategy to defend or deny those feelings rather than integrate the limbic system feelings with their cognitive response. The two most common feelings triggered in these adults tend to be fear and sadness. Once these feelings are triggered, their defenses go into action to protect them from those feelings. Adults with attachment difficulties want to be loved and accepted but don’t have the “tools” to achieve that goal. Their cognitive distortions sabotage what they want and need. This is why traditional therapy usually does not work for these adults. In traditional therapy, the adult client with maladaptive upbringing usually functions more from his frontal lobe. This is because talk therapy tends to be more of a cognitive process for them. They never access and deal with their limbic-stored emotions. The more intelligent the client, the better they are at defending their stored up feelings of inadequacy. As a result, they tend to get frustrated by traditional therapy and don’t believe that it helps.

[Sannah]

I think that solution-oriented therapy is very useful most of the time. Center on a problem and go to work on it. Frequently people need to be challenged too to question things that they cling to so desperately.

[CosmicPlatypus]

Originally Posted by bizi

Distortions in Thinking

As children, our brains organize relative to the environment in which we grow up - either safe and secure or scary and sad. Our feelings are stored in the limbic system or midbrain. On the other hand, our right orbitofrontal cortex performs abstract reasoning. One of the most common adaptive behaviors in which humans engage is “pain avoidance”. Thus, a child who grows up in a maladaptive environment (painful environment) organizes his brain in a maladaptive style that involves emphasizing survival behaviors rather than feelings of security and love. This organization of the brain results in intelligent adults with a maladaptive upbringing to have a tendency to function more from a reasoning place of denial of feelings (which is a function of the orbitofrontal cortex) rather than integrating the limbic system feelings into appropriate responses. In these adults with maladaptive upbringing, when the emotions residing in the limbic system are triggered, the frontal lobe jumps to attention with a strategy to defend or deny those feelings rather than integrate the limbic system feelings with their cognitive response. The two most common feelings triggered in these adults tend to be fear and sadness. Once these feelings are triggered, their defenses go into action to protect them from those feelings. Adults with attachment difficulties want to be loved and accepted but don’t have the “tools” to achieve that goal. Their cognitive distortions sabotage what they want and need. This is why traditional therapy usually does not work for these adults. In traditional therapy, the adult client with maladaptive upbringing usually functions more from his frontal lobe. This is because talk therapy tends to be more of a cognitive process for them. They never access and deal with their limbic-stored emotions. The more intelligent the client, the better they are at defending their stored up feelings of inadequacy. As a result, they tend to get frustrated by traditional therapy and don’t believe that it helps.

This is interesting and affirms my own conclusions about my low emotional IQ. I have found that strategies to increase cognitive awareness, like mindfulness, allow me to (at times) intercept triggers and analyse my emotional response objectively. The goal is to allow myself to experience emotions and integrate them into my life experience.

[bizi]

I am now thinking that I have a narcisitic personality disorder.
~heavy sigh
beth

[Rapunzel]

Beth, that sounds just like what happened to me. Do you know the source? I take it you relate to it too. It doesn't necessarily point to narcissistic personality disorder. Most or all of them would include some kind of emotional defences. What symptoms are you concerned about?

[Rapunzel]

Sannah, solution-oriented therapy is great for people who have the skills to approach a problem and deal with it. Solution-focused techniques could be useful for anyone with a problem to solve, but by itself, no brief therapy is going to build the emotional and interpersonal skills that are missing in personality disorders. It takes time and the opportunity to practice the skills in a real, supportive relationship.

[bizi]

lack of empathy and inability to feel love.
selfish motives, seeking approval and fear of abandonment yet push people out of my life when they no longer meet my needs.
using people to get attention....lacking the ability to defend my actions, feeling emotionally immature, I cut my family off because I could not deal with the fear of the unknown and could not control the situation. I don't have normal feelings, they are blunted.
could not deal with their anger towards me....so I shut them off.
my father said I never attached to my mother as a child/infant.
I am trying to attach to my husband but lack the feeling of love for him...
I care about him but just don't have it in me to fully love him, or any man for that matter. I am void.
forgive me if I have said too much.
beth

[Rapunzel]

((((((( Beth ))))))))

Are you getting any treatment? You've had a very difficult life. It makes sense that you shut off feelings. It's hard to live that way though. There is so much that you miss out on that would feel good rather than hurt. I know it's not that easy to turn them back on, especially if it was a long time ago.

[Beth1957]

Originally Posted by bizi

<snip>.
forgive me if I have said too much.
beth

Nothing to forgive, Beth

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Rapunzel

Sannah, solution-oriented therapy is great for people who have the skills to approach a problem and deal with it. Solution-focused techniques could be useful for anyone with a problem to solve, but by itself, no brief therapy is going to build the emotional and interpersonal skills that are missing in personality disorders. It takes time and the opportunity to practice the skills in a real, supportive relationship.

I'm not talking about brief therapy! I guess I pull from a lot of different techniques and put them together. I also feel that getting your past feelings out is very important. That takes time. To me this is solution oriented, though, because there is a very valuable point to it. I guess I call this solution oriented because I take the problem first and the problem here would be feelings that haven't been expressed yet. Of course people need help with problem solving at first.

I think that if you stay solution focused it helps you keep on track, builds competence and confidence, empowers and helps to give a sense of control plus it's a great way to build skills because you can identify what is missing.

[Sannah]

Yeah, I agree Bizi, start with trying to reconnect with your feelings......

[bizi]

I think these feelings have been heightened because my moods have been so unstable.
beth

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by bizi

I think these feelings have been heightened because my moods have been so unstable.

Could it be a reverse relationship? Your moods have been unstable because your feelings have been heightened?

[bizi]

this is an excellant question!
thanks
beth

[kim_johnson]

you might find this interesting:

http://johnbriere.com/stm.htm

you can download the complete chapter in PDF. trauma can be... subtle or more overt. there would be a reason why you didn't attach to your mother. something to do with the fit.

hang in there. things do get better...

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by bizi

This is why traditional therapy usually does not work for these adults.

What is considered to be traditional therapy? Would that be psychodynamic, since that approach stems from Freud, the father of talk therapy?

A lot of what was written in the description reminds me of my husband (soon to be ex).

bizi, have you been in therapy? If so, did you find it helpful?

[bizi]

Originally Posted by kim_johnson

you might find this interesting:

http://johnbriere.com/stm.htm

you can download the complete chapter in PDF. trauma can be... subtle or more overt. there would be a reason why you didn't attach to your mother. something to do with the fit.

hang in there. things do get better...

I did not suffer from severe abuse or neglect....

But thanks for the link.

I am seeing both my therapist and pdoc today.
Having reread alot of info...I now think I have a borderline disorder..
a false self, fear of abandonment, emptiness, boundary issues, who am I and what do I need to do to find out who I really am?



beth

[kim_johnson]

don't let the title put you off. read how he defines abuse and / or see how much you can relate.

i wasn't abused either.

poor fit... can result in emotional neglect. that was the thought.