[mkcac297]

I have a sister who has barely spoken to me, my mom, or my 2 brothers in over 3 years. 3 years ago she emailed the family with a 6 page email carrying on about the way we all perceived her, her lifestyle (she's gay), and her job. The statements she made were not accurate and I emailed her back to show her she was wrong. Since my mom and brothers agreed with me, my sister wrote us all off. I did a search on WebMD and found Narcissistic Personality Disorder. My sister is suffering from every symptom listed on that page. I'm no doctor, so I can not officially make this diagnosis. But I truely believe there is a serious problem here. How do I get her to see this and do something about it when she believes that me, mom and my brothers are all wrong? Any insight would be appreciated.

[VoNPD]

Hi MK,

You ask the $100,000.00 question! Which begs the answer: "You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

I know you want to open up lines of communication with your sister again, but it really is up to her. I have tried to bring 2 ex husbands to therapy to open their eyes to their pattern of behavior, but both Narcissists would not open up, not be honest, in fact they both became MORE angry and resentful. And to date they are still leading miserable lives. They will readily admit to that. But they can't help themselves.

Here's a link to Sam Valkin's FAQ's on NPD. I found it very helpful.

I have a gay sister too, but at age 60 I have no right to tell her how to live her life (even though she's joined a yoga-esque cult and changed her name to Ma - something-or-other). She's on anti-depressants, has 3 dogs and 4 cats, a girlfriend with spending issues, and barely enough money to get by. Yet she claims to be happy? I guess one mans insanity is another mans ordinary.

Good luck to you and your family in understanding your N.

VoN

[pachyderm]

My experience is that you do not succeed in changing someone else's ideas by trying to make them change. You have to let them come to their own conclusions, based on your behavior, not just your words. Acceptance for the moment that she has her position without necessarily agreeing with it.

[cantstopcrying]

Totally agree with pachy--instead of pointing out how she is wrong in her perceptions, point out that you love her unconditionally.

BTW, welcome to pc!

[ECHOES]

Does it matter who's right?

What about emailing her that, in spite of your differences of thoughts, you care about her and would like to continue emailing.

I wonder if time and more direct communication from everyone--no one speaking for anyone else-- would help clarify things.

[mkcac297]

Thanks everyone!

I emailed her back in May saying that we should put any problems we have behind us and get on with our lives. I told her I miss my sister and would like her back in my life. She responded with an long email rehashing everything from 3 years ago and said as long as I still feel that way, she wants nothing to do with me.

My mom sent her a christmas present. She sent my mom an email thanking her and again, rehashing everything and stating as long as my mom agrees with what I said to her 3 years ago, that she can not have a relationship with my mom.

There is just no letting go for her.