[dunnit260]

I was told by a therapist that I have a mild case of paranoid personality disorder. I've read a little about it, including that the patient often doesn't trust the dr./therapist etc. hmmm

I'm having trouble believing it because most of the "symptoms" don't fit.I still think there's something most people do in their interactions that I just don't get and/or that I'm hypersensitive to things most people let off easily.

First of all, I don't go around accusing my boyfriend of cheating on me, I trust him. I don't smother my [few] so-called friends in fear that they'll eventually leave me. However, when I'm confronted with something someone has done to me, and they have truly done something to me, I am convinced they are trying to do me harm simply because they know I'm nice or they're jealous or they just don't want good things to happen to me. The "someone's" are always other women.

For example, when I got a new job (higher paying, prestige, etc.) a couple of my female friends seemed to say little snotty things that were not jokes at all. Even if I blew it off (I'm RARELY angry immediately.) they kept coming back with negative statements about my hair or body. This wasn't happening before the job. They actually never even said congratulations or hey, let's go out for a drink and celebrate. These same people have their own careers that they seem happy with and they have long known that I was working for a promotion. It seems to me that they are jealous that I got what I was working for. The slights about my body were NEVER stated before the promotion. I haven't put them down at all, I asked them if I did something to make them upset and they snarled a "no" at me.

Some people say this behavior happens when friends think you're leaving them behind. Ok, I understand that and I've tried telling friends that I'll still get together with them even if my schedule changes. But how does that make me paranoid if the same dam* scenario keeps happening to me for most of my adult life?

I chose to see a therapist after someone on another forum suggested I see one because I've gotten to the point I don't trust other women as friends, coworkers, anything. It seems that I'll never have a friend that can accept me, no matter what I do to show that I accept her. I ask people if I'm supposed to keep my success a secret or make myself less attractive just to keep jealousy at bay. They always say "no...but...." I think I need someone to help me understand the "no.... but...." Saying I'm paranoid only puts the blame for the bad behavior of others on me. What sense does that make?

People with paranoid personality disorder are often not professionally successful and usually run people off in their personal lives. I've always had a successful career and I work hard to be fair and sincere in my actions so I don't get labeled a bit** and all that. I think (and the therapist agrees) people are happy around me at first. It's always after something good happens to me that I lose female friends. I could be friends with them for years or months and I swear it's the identical pattern. I get upset over the way they treat me and then I just stop talking to them because I think it's unfair for them not to support me when I've bent over backwards to support them whether its marriage, career, health, education, kids, etc.

To be honest, if there's someone out there who has a paranoid personality, I want to hear from you, even if the books say you won't admit you're paranoid. I'm trying to figure out if that's what I'm doing.

dunnit