 |
| FAQ/Help |
| Calendar |
| Search |
|
#1
Mar 01, 2009, 05:47 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
I cannot live without my prescriptions... xanax and I've recently been taking ambien to sleep so I have to take less of the xanax because if I use the xanax for sleep on top of for my everyday anxiety I just go through way too much of it. I find myself unable to control how much ambien I take at night. I feel soo good when I take it right before I go to bed that I keep popping more and more. i cannot remember how much I took last night but I woke up feeling nauseous and with this intense feeling of guilt.
Anyways, I don't even know what I'm trying to say because I can't think straight anymore but I've taken about 2.5 mg of xanax today and it hasn't helped any... I still have had no motivation to do anything more then sit on the computer. It's impossible for me to get dressed or do my hair or even leave the house. I feel like my life is in limbo. I feel like I will never ever be happy. I never have been and I just want to ****ing die because no antidepressents or mood stabilizers work for me... just xanax when I take enough of it... I feel more at ease... talkative... but the second it wears off I feel guilty for even talking... like I do not have the right to even voice my opinion. I'm so outgoing and I feel normal when on xanax... How am I supposed to feel normal when it wears off though? I hate the guilt I always feel for even existing. I'm sure no one will even reply, but I just needed to get this off my mind... Don't even know what the hell I'm trying to say... I just feel completely hopeless and alone right now... I'm tired of the cycle of feeling okay when on xanax and then feeling like complete **** when off of it. And I can't just get off of the xanax because my moods are even more erratic when I don't take it at all... I'm crazy, suicidal/homicidal and just a generally angry person without it. I just feel like maybe I'm not meant to live this life... I don't know... It's too ****ing hard... being borderline is really beginning to take a toll on me... There is no way out of this horrible mental disorder. 
|
|
#3
Mar 03, 2009, 06:25 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I absolutely lived on diazepam(valium) when I was first dx 15 years ago.......it is also an addictive devil.......You will find your way out of it......addiction is another symptom entirely......stop the guilt taking it and be kinder to yourself. Deal with coming off it when you have an alternative that isn't so addictive and the right support.
Don't give up on other meds........in total I have been on about 25 different drugs......anti-psychotics, mood stabilisers, anti-depressants and tranquilisers. Some worked, some made me sick and some did nothing. BPD is not a life sentence........easy for me to say, but it does get better. It can be the biggest fight of your life........you have to work harder than you have ever worked....... What kind of therapy/healing are you receiving? You must have some to help you find a way out of the woods.......  One day you will be able to look back and see what BPD gave you, as well as what it took from you........have faith.......it will happen  In stillness........
__________________
For all things Light and Dark.......http://thedemonrun.wordpress.com/  The only Truth that exists..... .........Is that there is no absolute Truth. |
|
#4
Mar 03, 2009, 06:31 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Antidepressants never worked on me either until Abilify was added.
|
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
|
My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Linear Mode
