[Mr.Mike]

I have recently determined that I have PPD. I have suffered from this for some time and it has taken a toll on my marriage. I recently found myself being extremely paranoid about something that logically is nearly impossible.

Once I really thought about it, I realized I was being crazy, but it was still bothering me terribly. As I discussed (argued) it with my wife, I realized I needed some help. Started checking online and found my exact symptoms.

This is my second marriage and my first ended because of infedelity on her part. I believe that is the root of my PPD. I am super suspicious of my current wife of 14years. She has never done anything to lead me to believe she would ever be unfaithful, but I can't help wanting to check up on her all the time. She is really getting tired of it. And frankly, so am I!

I am not sure how to go about getting help. I know a therapist is probably the second step. Realizing I have a problem is the first.

How have you guys dealt with this type of paranoia? What can my wife do to help deal with living with a husband with PPD?

[Michah]

Mr. Mike, yes a therapist is next on your list.........please do not rely solely on what you read........some personality disorders overlap and you need a specialist to dx you.......and any psychiatrist worth their salt will take a while to nut it out.

It took 13 weeks for my psych team to dx me Borderline and I was a complete raging lunatic. It was so obvious....... but be careful of jumping to conclusions.

Good luck and let us know how you go......

[Locust]

Mike, I'm not a professional, but maybe what you are dealing with is abandonment fears and trust issues. Abandonment fears and trust issues can make you paranoid, but I don't think it necessarily means you have PPD. Of course, only a therapist could say for certain. I do know abandonment fears and trust issues can be painful to the one who has them, and damaging to their relationships. Of course, maybe you do have PPD on top of this. Either way, you should probably contact a therapist. I don't have PPD, but sometimes, I do get paranoid thoughts. I try to remind myself of how they are totally illogical. It seems to help somewhat, until they can pass. You apparently still retain the ability to rationalize since you said you realized your recent fear was nearly impossible. Remember when you are worried to stop and ask yourself if these things are truly likely or if there are reasons why they are unlikely.

You can ask for reassurance sometimes, but asking too often can also cause stress on a relationship. I think it's okay to ask sometimes if you are close to someone, as long as you can do so calmly, politely, and in a non-accusatory manner. Don't say, "I think this is going on..." when you know you're possibly being paranoid. Instead, I'd say I was insecure, I didn't mean to insult them or accuse them of anything, but I had a problem with trust, and I was scared about something. I'd tell them what I was afraid of and seek reassurance. Of course, if the person is sensitive to what you say, it can still upset them, and asking too often can frustrate some people. I know because I drove my ex crazy seeking reassurance that he loved me. I think he really did, but we had issues, and that's what caused us to end. But all that time, I still needed that reassurance that he loved me. He told me and showed me he loved me all the time without my asking, but I still asked him and expressed doubt in his feelings often adn he became frustrated that I didn't believe him. So, while it is good to communicate, try not to overdo the asking. If you must have reassurance often, it might be a good idea to get info. on your disorder or issues once the therapist has dx'd you, and share that with her so she will be understanding.

I think the best approach is remember that it is illogical. When you are afraid of something happening, pause, breathe, and go over all the reasons why it is HIGHLY unlikely that your fear is true. Also, while talking about this too much to the person you are paranoid towards might not be a good idea, you can ask another close friend for reassurance. For example, if you are afraid your wife is cheating with someone for example, you could ask a close friend of yours who has been around your wife and the person you are suspicious of enough to have a feel for things, if they think your fears are reasonable. They can help you stay grounded by giving you their objective point of view. I used the wife scenario as a generalization of course, because you mentioned fear of infedelity, but asking friends for an objective view point is a good thing to use in any situation where you feel you are becoming paranoid, and are no longer objective.

I wish you well with your wife, and with therapy.