Home Menu

Menu



advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
lorna
Veteran Member
 
lorna's Avatar
 
Member Since Jun 2009
Posts: 528
15
66 hugs
given
Default Jun 30, 2009 at 08:56 PM
  #1
I am very fortunate to have elderly parent both over 80. They continue to live in their own home which is very issolated, and have health issues including blindness and dementia. I have my own physical issues as well. I am finding myself very stressed with the amount of work on my shoulders trying to maintain their way of life and two homes. There is no was I would have them move in with me. I think i have to start letting things go, which is hard for me. I have other family members who are not doing their share and i have expressed it, but was ignored, cause when it came out of me i was very angry. So do I just let things go until someone else picks it up, is this really the right thing to do?
lorna is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote

advertisement
Pomegranate
Grand Poohbah
 
Pomegranate's Avatar
 
Member Since Feb 2007
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,611
17
PC PoohBah!
Default Jul 01, 2009 at 08:03 PM
  #2
Hi lorna. I would try approaching your other family members again, when you aren't feeling angry and can speak to them calmly. Explain to them what is happening and say you need some help, if they can help you.

You can also try your local medical clinic or some organization for older people. Let them know what is happening with you and your parents, that you need help to take care of them. They might be able to help you, or point you in the direction for getting some help. Keep trying until somebody helps you! Good luck.

__________________

I'd rather have a visit, note or pretty picture
than an "I'll say a prayer" or a "god bless you."
Doesn't make me feel better, no meaning to me for sure.
Can't stop you from praying and blessing me,
and if that makes you feel better feel free.
But keep it to yourself please, don't tell me.
And let's all respect each other's feelings.
With kindness, support and "sweet dreamings."
Pomegranate is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Catherine2, lorna
Catherine2
Poohbah
 
Catherine2's Avatar
 
Member Since Apr 2009
Location: In The Moon Shine
Posts: 1,306
15
15 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jul 02, 2009 at 12:49 AM
  #3
Hi Lorna...
My own experience with my parents before they passed away was very similar.
I did have to call a "conference" with the others about what needed to be done. I admit it was hard; after all, they were used to my doing everything...they weren't used to my telling them they had to do their share.
It did help to get things settled enough that I had some free time for myself.

Jme, but the family needs to understand that they also have responsibilities, it's not fair to you, that you are "all in this together," and decisions can no longer be delayed for everyone's sake.
Think about what you are willing and able to do, then let the others do the same. There is most likely going to be compromises, but please remember that you are important, too. Your needs have to be respected...

Pom had a good suggestion about finding out what resources may be available to you. Here we have an area council on aging to guide people to local services.
I hope you have one where you are, Lorna.

Best wishes,

Catherine

__________________
The Most Dangerous Enemy Is The One In Your Head Telling You What You Do and Don't Deserve...
Catherine2 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
lorna
ScaredSad
Member
 
Member Since Oct 2008
Posts: 85
16
Default Jul 02, 2009 at 04:30 AM
  #4
Sending best wishes... I'm in a similar situation and saw/see it with my grandparents. Families can be the most cruel to one another it seems.

I just wanted to send support.

As for what I've done... very little... it's hard b/c my parents and I have an awful, awful relationship but their needs are fairly severe. In fact, I know of many clients in assisted living who are much higher functioning (and kept better homes) than my parents.

I managed to hook them up with some Federal programs to help with housing/heating/cooling/food. I'll try to do some more... it's just hard to not give so much that I lose all of myself... so far, I've given them literally evertything... and that can't continue. So my warning, don't get to that point... make sure that you are still giving yourself 100% or you won't be around to help them at all...

Good luck.
ScaredSad is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
lorna
phoenix7
Wise Elder
 
phoenix7's Avatar
 
Member Since Oct 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 8,135
16
1,268 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jul 10, 2009 at 05:55 AM
  #5
I dont know what services are available where you are but it owuld be worth looking into

and talking with family members when you are calm would be worth a try

take care P7

__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
Elderly Parents- Stressed
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
phoenix7 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
lorna
lorna
Veteran Member
 
lorna's Avatar
 
Member Since Jun 2009
Posts: 528
15
66 hugs
given
Default Jul 10, 2009 at 09:24 PM
  #6
I really appreciate your support for me and my parents You got me thinking about hiring out more, which we have, talking more with family members including my parents who I am encouraging to accept every opportunity to go out. They have a tendency to say NO! And only YES to me. I am blessed and lucky dual. I know I have to find a natual balance for myself, I am not going everyday to their home rather 3 times a week. Hard decisions to make but very needed for my own health. We have connected both mom and dad to services. There is more services for dementia than blindness, which is kinda sad. Anyhow hugs to all
lorna is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
phoenix7
Wise Elder
 
phoenix7's Avatar
 
Member Since Oct 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 8,135
16
1,268 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jul 10, 2009 at 09:52 PM
  #7

__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
Elderly Parents- Stressed
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
phoenix7 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
lorna
Pomegranate
Grand Poohbah
 
Pomegranate's Avatar
 
Member Since Feb 2007
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,611
17
PC PoohBah!
Default Jul 10, 2009 at 10:32 PM
  #8
Lorna, I'm so happy to hear this! This will be better for you and your parents. Good for you. You are taking good care of your parents and yourself too - very important.

__________________

I'd rather have a visit, note or pretty picture
than an "I'll say a prayer" or a "god bless you."
Doesn't make me feel better, no meaning to me for sure.
Can't stop you from praying and blessing me,
and if that makes you feel better feel free.
But keep it to yourself please, don't tell me.
And let's all respect each other's feelings.
With kindness, support and "sweet dreamings."
Pomegranate is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
lorna
Reply
attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:03 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.