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Veteran Member
Member Since Jun 2009
Posts: 528
15 66 hugs
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Jun 30, 2009 at 08:56 PM
#1
I am very fortunate to have elderly parent both over 80. They continue to live in their own home which is very issolated, and have health issues including blindness and dementia. I have my own physical issues as well. I am finding myself very stressed with the amount of work on my shoulders trying to maintain their way of life and two homes. There is no was I would have them move in with me. I think i have to start letting things go, which is hard for me. I have other family members who are not doing their share and i have expressed it, but was ignored, cause when it came out of me i was very angry. So do I just let things go until someone else picks it up, is this really the right thing to do?
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2007
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,611
17 
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Jul 01, 2009 at 08:03 PM
#2
Hi lorna. I would try approaching your other family members again, when you aren't feeling angry and can speak to them calmly. Explain to them what is happening and say you need some help, if they can help you.
You can also try your local medical clinic or some organization for older people. Let them know what is happening with you and your parents, that you need help to take care of them. They might be able to help you, or point you in the direction for getting some help. Keep trying until somebody helps you! Good luck. 
__________________  I'd rather have a visit, note or pretty picture than an "I'll say a prayer" or a "god bless you." Doesn't make me feel better, no meaning to me for sure. Can't stop you from praying and blessing me, and if that makes you feel better feel free.  But keep it to yourself please, don't tell me. And let's all respect each other's feelings. With kindness, support and "sweet dreamings." 
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 Catherine2, lorna
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Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2009
Location: In The Moon Shine
Posts: 1,306
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Jul 02, 2009 at 12:49 AM
#3
Hi Lorna...
My own experience with my parents before they passed away was very similar. I did have to call a "conference" with the others about what needed to be done. I admit it was hard; after all, they were used to my doing everything...they weren't used to my telling them they had to do their share. It did help to get things settled enough that I had some free time for myself. Jme, but the family needs to understand that they also have responsibilities, it's not fair to you, that you are "all in this together," and decisions can no longer be delayed for everyone's sake. Think about what you are willing and able to do, then let the others do the same. There is most likely going to be compromises, but please remember that you are important, too. Your needs have to be respected... Pom had a good suggestion about finding out what resources may be available to you. Here we have an area council on aging to guide people to local services. I hope you have one where you are, Lorna. Best wishes, Catherine __________________ The Most Dangerous Enemy Is The One In Your Head Telling You What You Do and Don't Deserve... |
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lorna
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Member
Member Since Oct 2008
Posts: 85
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Jul 02, 2009 at 04:30 AM
#4
Sending best wishes... I'm in a similar situation and saw/see it with my grandparents. Families can be the most cruel to one another it seems.
I just wanted to send support. As for what I've done... very little... it's hard b/c my parents and I have an awful, awful relationship but their needs are fairly severe. In fact, I know of many clients in assisted living who are much higher functioning (and kept better homes) than my parents. I managed to hook them up with some Federal programs to help with housing/heating/cooling/food. I'll try to do some more... it's just hard to not give so much that I lose all of myself... so far, I've given them literally evertything... and that can't continue. So my warning, don't get to that point... make sure that you are still giving yourself 100% or you won't be around to help them at all... Good luck. |
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lorna
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 8,135
16 1,268 hugs
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Jul 10, 2009 at 05:55 AM
#5
I dont know what services are available where you are but it owuld be worth looking into
and talking with family members when you are calm would be worth a try take care P7 
__________________ Its not how many times you fall down that counts  its how many times you get back up!  (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture  )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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lorna
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Veteran Member
Member Since Jun 2009
Posts: 528
15 66 hugs
given |
Jul 10, 2009 at 09:24 PM
#6
I really appreciate your support for me and my parents
You got me thinking about hiring out more, which we have, talking more with family members including my parents who I am encouraging to accept every opportunity to go out. They have a tendency to say NO! And only YES to me. I am blessed and lucky dual. I know I have to find a natual balance for myself, I am not going everyday to their home rather 3 times a week. Hard decisions to make but very needed for my own health. We have connected both mom and dad to services. There is more services for dementia than blindness, which is kinda sad. Anyhow hugs to all
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 8,135
16 1,268 hugs
given
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Jul 10, 2009 at 09:52 PM
#7
__________________ Its not how many times you fall down that counts its how many times you get back up! (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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lorna
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2007
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,611
17
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Jul 10, 2009 at 10:32 PM
#8
Lorna, I'm so happy to hear this! This will be better for you and your parents. Good for you. You are taking good care of your parents and yourself too - very important.
__________________ I'd rather have a visit, note or pretty picture than an "I'll say a prayer" or a "god bless you." Doesn't make me feel better, no meaning to me for sure. Can't stop you from praying and blessing me, and if that makes you feel better feel free. But keep it to yourself please, don't tell me. And let's all respect each other's feelings. With kindness, support and "sweet dreamings."
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lorna
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