(may be triggering) my life as a child..........

I have had a pretty s***** life. When I was 4 years old I witnessed my biological father stab my biological mother 16 times. I was also abused emotionally, physically, and sexually. I constantly have flashbacks and nightmares. Then when my adopted dad (my hero) was diagnosed with cancer he. My lfe came crumbling down. He then later died 6 days before his birthday. Like I said (my hero) my dad was the best person that ever came into my lfe. I have a los been a victim of rape. So you see my coping skills revolve around the chaos that I have been through. I also want people to realize that I completely understand that others have had it worse so I try to think like that on a day to day basis. I have been in T since I was 4 years of age. Its so hard for me to accept to things that I have been through. Its like stupid s*** continues to bother me on a day to day basis. I have tryed to talk aboout these things in T but it always sends me backwards instead of getting better and I HATE it.

tmac, hello and welcome...
It's good that you found PC, although I'm sorry that you have reasons to be here.
It took courage and honesty to post and I commend your doing so.

Please do not make comparisons between what you went through, and feel as though it was not as bad.
We do not make comparisons here; the details are different but most of the affects are the same.

What you went through was horrible, you are doing the best you can to handle the lingering affects.
To me, it sounds as though you are doing a good job of it.
My own experience was that I did not have hope for a better life until I worked through my childhood trauma with a caring professional.
Therapy is hard work, extremely hard.
It's also one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Stupid *****, as you say, will continue to bother you until you can be honest with your T...he/she needs to know how you are reacting. It will help tremendously in adjusting your sessions ...perhaps going at a slower pace or approaching things in a different way.
At one point, I had to write notes to my T. I could not speak the words but I could write them...he was wonderful and willing to work outside the box, so to speak.
I would give him my note, he would read it and give it back with his questions/comments. Other times, I would give him a letter and ask that we not talk about it until the next session...he always honored my request.

Jme/jmo, but you have started on the rocky road of healing.
It's not fun, it can and will be emotionally draining, but it is worth every step you take.
The best thing? You do it at your own pace...it is not a race.

My best wishes,
Catherine

Hi Tmac, welcome! I hope you let us support you on your journey of healing..........