[Michah]

Right, here we go.......standing on the event horizon......I shall speak of a recurring dream(this may trigger.....not the dream, but the FEELING)

For 2 years.....the same picture......the same duration(very short, split second almost)

I am standing at the height of my mothers knees(4/5 years old maybe?)

I can see the sand -blasted wood of the wall behind her through her knees

She does not speak, nor move

But the terror is beyond terror. This snapshot bends me in ways I cannot perceive. I know that I am going to die, as I have thought before. I am not wounded, I am not aware of anything other than my watery bowels and trembling body, trembling so that my skin is barely holding me together. It is the stuff of beasts in the closet, the Unknown stuff outside of human comprehension.....alien. Of nightmares and horror, this FEELING. The terrible anticipation of what is coming and the feeling that it gives me.....it is almost supernatural in its fear.

Then I wake with a mixture of crying and groaning and GRIEF so powerful it will stop my heart......sweating, thrashing, NOISE inside my head......

That is all........that is all that I KNOW.....

Michah

[susan888]

(((Michah)))

I am so sorry.....You will remember when you are ready...Don't ever forget that you have a lot of support here!!!

[Typo]

((((((((((Michah)))))))))))


Here for you hun, sitting with you and keeping you safe,

Sending lots of hugs and feathers to you
Sparrow

[Michah]

Thank you both for your replies.......and support. I am a bit like an Echidna or a porcupine......I roll into myself as protection......

I have never really questioned why or how, just that it is......

maybe as one gets older, more mature or some such thing, reflection becomes more apparent.......not sure, just a thought.

Thanks again.......don't feel so "suspicious" now......glad I spoke of it outside of the therapists office.

Big Hugs.....

Michah

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((( Michah )))))))))))))))))))

((((((Michah))))))
Hugs and support for you and for the "little boy".