[googley]

This is all kind of complicated because there are a lot of things involved, but after thinking it over I decided this was the best place to post.

My grandfather is dieing. We don't know when it is going to happen, but doctors say it is going to happen soon. But that isn't the major thing, though it is causing stress and anxiety.

The thing that is really bothering me is the thought of flying to go to his funeral. My parents have said that they will pay for my ticket so that I can go. But I'm really anxious (to the point of panic attacks) over the flying. A little over a year ago I flew to an interview. I was picked as one of the "random" passengers for intense screening. (Probably because I got my ticket last minute.) Along with them going through my bag (which I was fine with) they also did a full pat down. I totally flipped out when the person did it even though it was another woman. I can't stand being touched. While I have gotten used to being bumped on mass transit this was something totally different. I started balling and dissociated and had some of the worst flashbacks I've ever had. I felt so humiliated. Since those screening areas have clear walls everyone could see me. I couldn't stop it. I felt so vulnerable and violated and exposed. The security worker didn't even say anything to me the whole time even though I was balling my eyes out. I had to call my T and luckily she was able to call me back and help me ground before I got on the plane. But ever since then I have been anxious every time I have to fly, even though I have never had a pat down since. My anxiety about having to fly is so high, it seems worse this time than any other time. Plus my new T is on vacation. With my old T we made a plan for us to connect if I needed to when I flew. But I've never talked about this with my new T as I haven't flown since I started working with her. I'm so afraid and I can't seem to do anything to control it. I've been through security lots of times before, but this one time seems to be the overriding memory and causing so much anxiety.

P.S. Please don't include anything in your replies about the necessity of airport security (or debate about the type of security used in regard to the recent incidents as that is not what this post is about) or about how I should not fly if I can't deal. I understand that airport security is necessary, but need help dealing with the anxiety that it causes me.

Perhaps your new T will have some ideas. I am wondering if having your therapist write a letter explaining how the touching affects you would be helpful. You could show the letter to the security people. If getting your ticket last minute increases the likelihood of intense screening, I guess you will have to get it sooner. I also wonder what your therapist and you would think about practicing pat downs?

Sorry I have not been more helpful.

Good luck.

[splitimage]

I'm really sorry you experienced that. It would completely set me off too. I experienced the full pat down routine flying home from Turkey one year, because something on me set off the security sensors - it really freaked me out, so you''re not alone. I didn't completely lose it, because I was sort of able to semi-dissociate. (Dissociation has it's advantages). I just kept repeating over and over in my mind, this is not really me - she's just touching a body - it's not me. May sound weird, but it worked.

I don't know how far you are from your grandfather, but is there anyway you could take the train instead? It might take longer, but it might be worth it to avoid the security at the airport.

Good luck.

--splitimage

[googley]

SplitImmage-
I can't take a train. It is way to far. But thanks for the idea. And it helps to know I'm not the only one who has trouble with this.

[(JD)]

No, you're not the only one with issues about this, far from it!

First let me suggest the idea of not going at all. You don't have to. It is a choice. It's a difficult one, but still, you have this option.

If you really think that by going you will receive more than the angst it will take to get there, then try going.

Can you contact your former T for this??? If not, surely tell your current T NOW. Maybe even call and leave a message, since you are suffering about this now.

I usually travel in a motorized wheelchair. I made the mistake once of not getting out of it to walk through a screener (special area for handicapped, but still in full site of all.) They patted me down while I was sitting in the chair. They always wipe my wrist splints and chair arms and wheels etc...but the pat down was difficult physically and psychologically. (Even though I used to do pat downs in my past life!)

Since we're the type to be a bit anxious already, they will pick us out anyway. Just maybe by having a note from your doctor regarding your anxiety disorder will help allay some of the screener's fears and make it easier?

Try and think about how short a time period it is for this process. Though it seems forever, it is generally a few short minutes.

I think you probably already do the rest of the stuff, with what you take and don't take, and how you dress and shoes and stuff. And with a funeral, it's going to be short notice. Can you purchase your ticket online and print off your boarding pass ahead of time? That will leave out the anxious time of waiting in line at that counter at least. Maybe carry an email from family notifying you of the death will help the screeners not be so worried about your anxiety?

Lastly, pray. The power of prayer can help I know. Let us know here if and when you go, and maybe our prayers will help you not be selected, and if you are at least not overreact as PTSD demands.

[VickiesPath]

Googley,

If you are lucky enough to be flying out of one of those major airports where they will be using the scanning devices, I can tell you from experience that I prefer it to being patted down.

About three years ago, Phoenix was testing one of those machines. I have been setting off the bells for years. That one time was the first and only time that no one ever touched me. All I had to do was stand on a pad in front of a booth. I didn't even see the person who was doing the scanning. They were communicating with the security person by walkie-talkie, asking if I had on a necklace, a watch, etc.

I actually preferred it to the pat-down. I hate the pat-down!

I'm wondering if you could find out ahead of time if they have a scanning machine. It might help you make your decision.

I was thinking of the same issue tonight. Somebody HAS TO take PTSD into consideration and do it fast or someone will get hurt or worse.
I hope, if you decide to fly, your trip goes as smoothly as possible. Thinking of you and your grandfather.